


Introspection

by buzuki, welldonedragon



Category: K-pop, Mamamoo, Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Convenience Store, Coming Out, Endgame Moonsun, F/F, Homophobia, Questioning, Sexuality Crisis, but moonseul is there for a while, irene and solar hook up at some point, no cheating takes place dont worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-03-11 05:41:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 57,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13517727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buzuki/pseuds/buzuki, https://archiveofourown.org/users/welldonedragon/pseuds/welldonedragon
Summary: Byulyi is stuck with a life she isn’t satisfied with. Yongsun is struggling to keep on living. Worldviews of Moon Byulyi and Kim Yongsun are vastly different but this doesn't stop their lives from intersecting in a convenience store, late at night. Conversations over cups of ramen, beer and text books lead to self-discoveries.





	1. Fatigue of Life

“Do you have any work experience prior to this?”

The interviewer’s tone is anything but gentle, eyes piercing through Byulyi behind her rectangular glasses. She must be one of those employees, Byulyi thinks, clean and tidy, straight to the point. The woman hadn’t wasted a second before starting the questions.

“I’m afraid not.” Byulyi admits, “But that’s because I’ve been working on my master’s degree.”

The tiniest bit of dissatisfaction appears in the woman’s well-composed face. “There are plenty of other suitors who has job experience. What do you think you have so special that we hire you instead, miss?”

Byulyi gulps as she tries not to fidget under the firm gaze of the interviewer. She has never been good at expressing herself due to her shy nature and the coldness of the woman gives her a sudden desire to flee out of the room.

“Because,” She starts a bit shakily, “After I graduated from Columbia, which dare I say, is one of the best universities in the States, I continued my studies here at SNU. I-I think I have a lot to contribute to your company and hopefully, you have a lot to teach me too.”

The woman clicks her tongue and takes a sip from the glass that’s beside her on the table. “Noted.” Silence falls until the woman breaks it again, voice having an impatient edge. “Anything else you want to add?”

“And I, uhm, I have lots of ideas on… uh,” Byulyi presses, but gives up soon, “Yes, ma’am, that’s all.”

Ten minutes later, she’s out of the building with her head between her hands and a word slipping out of her mouth without noticing. “ _Fuck_.” 

Out of the six job interviews she’s been to, this one holds the trophy of being the worst. Not only she hadn’t said more than five coherent sentences, she also had managed to get on the interviewer’s nerves somehow.

She sighs and fumbles her bag for her phone. Her fingers already tapping to the familiar name on her contacts list.

“Unnie?” The voice answers after a few seconds of dedicated ringing, sleepiness in her voice evident, “Did you had the interview?”

“Yeah,” Byulyi simply answers, “Were you sleeping?”

“Mmm..” The other girl replies, and Byulyi hears shuffling of the sheets, “It’s barely ten after all.”

This makes Byulyi giggle. “That’s what happens when you go to parties without your girlfriend.”

“I couldn’t bring an old woman with me!” The younger exclaims, “And you’re hours away.”

“I’m just two years older than you, you rascal.”

“Oh, right!” The girl sounds more awake now, “How did it go?”

“Not so good…” Byulyi admits the truth, “But let’s not think about that now. I’ll just leave you to sleep, okay? I’ll call later.”

“Cheer up, you.” says Seulgi before hanging up the phone.

Byulyi sighs after she ends the call. It’s harder to keep up her relationship with Seulgi these days. When a long-distance relationship reaches a point where they only see each other for a handful of times during those two years, things change unavoidably. 

It hadn’t been like that from the start. When they met for the first time on that rainy day, Byul was really excited to finally see a fellow Korean in her university. Sure, there were Korean-American students but to have someone who was brought up with the same culture as her cured her home-sickness a little.

Their first encounter was when Byulyi heard another Korean name being mispronounced ( _Seoul…Key… King?)_ And saw a drenched girl in a yellow trench coat stumble into the classroom. With a slight accent she answered the assistant who was taking the attendance. “I’m here. I’m sorry.”

At that second Byulyi was so enthusiastic to have taken woman’s studies as her elective course on her senior year. As the professor greeted them and went over the syllabus, Byulyi’s eyes never left the younger girl. Her brows were knitted in a concentrated way and she was biting down her lip with confusion. She reminded Byulyi of herself during her first year, she too had an accent and struggled really hard to fully comprehend all those classes. When Byulyi sat next to her after the class was dismissed and said ‘hello’ in Korean, she watched as the other girl’s eyes widen in surprise. 

“ _Are you Korean too? Like Korean-born Korean?”_ Seulgi said, a large smile growing on her face.

When Byulyi nodded, Seulgi squealed excitedly. “ _I’m so glad I have someone to talk Korean with! It’s been four days since classes started but I’m already feeling my brain malfunction.”_

After exchanging numbers, they talked for a whole month before coming out to each other. It happened when Byulyi accidentally sent a… questionable fanart of Krystal and Amber to Seulgi when she meant to e-mail it to herself. She immediately sent thousands of other messages from other platforms as well, telling her to not open it. But Seulgi had laughed it off and said they looked cute together anyways.

Their relationship was a one of convenience after all. When Byulyi looked back at it she liked Seulgi alright, but the biggest reason they started dating was the comfortable feeling of familiarity.

She had thought their relationship wasn’t the type that could survive through such a long, long-distance relationship but Seulgi managed to surprise her with her affection.

Even if the things aren’t bad between them, Byulyi feels like they are drifting apart slowly. The romantic love that was once there had turned into something more stable, leaving the two to act more like two platonic friends rather than girlfriends. It had been weeks since Seulgi and Byulyi had done something that a pair of friends wouldn’t do. And with Seulgi staying at another city, miles away, it is getting harder and harder to restore their feelings for each other. Byulyi loved the younger girl from the bottom of her heart, really. But she isn’t so sure that those feelings go further than an admiration and care she feels for a cute dongsaeng. Maybe it is time for them to set each other free. Their relationship had become something permanent in their lives for years now and it’s formed almost like a warm, familiar friendship.

The only time their relationship really held her back was about six months ago when her parents saw a picture of them kissing in a party back in the States, which a friend had mailed to her along with other pictures. They lectured her on how grateful she should’ve been for them to be so accepting of her _condition_ and how disrespectful she was to engage in such activities behind their backs. Byulyi always knew that even though they didn’t disown her when she came out as a lesbian just before she moved to America, they never accepted her fully. They just ignored her and hoped it was just a phase.

That is why she is in such a hurry to get a job. Her family _generously_ offered to pay one month of her rent before they leave her all by herself to survive. They still didn’t disown her, of course, it would be a scandal, they’ve only cut the ties between them to the very last one.

Growing pessimistic after six failed job applications, Byulyi is faced with the harsh reality of income management. She still has a bit of money saved up but if she continues to live as luxurious as she usually does, she would be officially broke and homeless by the end of this month. Ever since her childhood she is used to having the finer things in life; designer clothes, expensive and organic food, latest technologies…

When Byulyi used all the education she had on business management, she had calculated that in order to pay next month’s rent -if she fails to find a job- the only thing she can do is to cut back on every other thing. Which means that she has to live off of cheap ramen bought from convenience store that’s under her apartment building.

Byulyi stops in her tracks when she realizes that she’s about to step into her favorite café which she isn’t able to afford now. She lets out a long sigh, to enjoy expensive things without even caring about the cost had been like a second nature to her.

She drags her feet to a park nearby to pass time until her next interview which is a few hours away. The only entertainment she can have for free is reading her old books for the nth time.

//

The nights go quietly in her apartment as she tries to use the least amount of electric to save up.  Seeing this, the growling of her stomach can be clearly heard, making her embarrassed even if there’s no one else to hear.

She gets up on her feet and changes into the clothes she had worn earlier that day, not caring to find anything else for a short trip to the store downstairs.

She presses the elevator button, thinking her life choices over. If her parents hadn’t find out about Seulgi, would she be having steak now?

Her feet carry her reluctant body into the store, returning the unenthusiastic greeting of the cashier with a nod. Even if she’s starving and having one of the worst days of her life, she notices the cashier’s strawberry-pink hair.

 _Cute_.

She quickly goes to the aisle of instant-ramen, picking out the least disgusting looking one and returning to the cash register.

“Hi.” Says Byulyi with a smile trying to catch the attention the studying cashier, she puts her ramen down.

The girl looks up, with a forced smile on her tired face. “Will that be all?”

“Yes, please.”

“That’ll be 1500 ₩”

Byulyi thanks the girl as she hands the money. Her name tag reads: Kim Yongsun.

Byulyi unintentionally thinks that this ‘Kim Yongsun’ is pretty. At the same time her phone rings, showing a cute picture of Seulgi with the name ‘Seulbear <3'

Byulyi shudders as she picks up the phone thinking that the younger girl somehow sensed her appreciation of another’s beauty.

“Hey babe.”


	2. Night Shifts

Yongsun’s day is far from the best.

Sure, nothing in particular had happened but as she sits in front of the cash register, she feels a bit tired of everything.

Today had started with a morning class since she had to work all afternoon, which had made her wake up at 7 o’clock when she had gone to bed at 2 AM due to her singing job previous day. Her classes were supposed to end at 1 PM but her talkative professor hadn’t stopped the lecture for some reason and this had made her whole time-table crumble and she hadn’t had time to eat lunch before going to work -her 2nd job, to be more precise- The worst part is, she works as a waitress in a diner, so it had been really hard to deal with an empty stomach.

That day had been even more of a challenge at the restaurant because of some disrespectful customer making a scene, claiming that there was hair in her soup. She had demanded to see the cook and as it turns out that she just made it up to see the cook who was her ex-boyfriend. He apparently blocked her from every social media platform, so she had been desperate. It all ended with tears and soup everywhere. Yongsun pities the cook and the janitor.

She had felt better when she finally got to eat after her shift but that was cut short also when she had realized that she had to run to her third job, which is the cashier job at the convenience store. At least, she thinks, I can study in peace now.

This one is her favourite out of the three due to its calmness. Night shift is always like this, there is nobody around and the only thing she hears is the faint sound of crappy radio and old refrigerator. Yongsun puffs out a breath in boredom, her advanced statistics text book open in front of her. She just wants to be done with school, but something always seems to get in the way. At first it was her mother passing away, then came the financial crisis -and never went away-, and for the cherry on top she had to take a year off to save up money to pay for tuition. She sighs, why didn’t life let her breathe without charging her for it once?

“Hi.” She hears someone say from the other side of the counter. Remembering the only rule that her manager insisted, she looks up with a smile, albeit a fake one, and scans the cheap ramen the blonde girl put on the counter.

“Will that be all?” She says for the millionth time since she took the job. When the girl confirms, she looks at the cash register. “That’ll be 1500₩.”

As the girl pays her, she notices the girl’s gaze lingering on her. Does she have something in her teeth? Or maybe the girl who wears expensive brands such as Gucci and Supreme is just taken aback with her flea market attire? Well, that’s none of her business.

“Hey babe.” The rich girl says as she picks up her phone with a smile. “How did your day go?”

Yongsun’s stomach fills with bitter feelings as she listens to the girl speak with her boyfriend. God, she hates couples so much. Not having anyone by her side for the last seven years taught her the harsh truth about depending on other people. They failed you at the end, and you were left there like a fool, not knowing how to get up on your feet again.

The girl giggles as she adds water to her ramen. “Really? That’s so cute, I want to pinch your cheeks right now. Ah~~ my heart.”

Yongsun’s eyebrows raise as she unintentionally continues to eavesdrop. She must be dating a younger guy.

“No, the other one went bad as well. I guess nobody wants me for their company.” The blonde says as she puts her head on the table. She looks miserable. “I somehow managed to embarrass myself every time. In the last one, I ripped my own stockings with my shoe’s heel. And it even made a sound…”

Yongsun holds her laughter in as she tries to concentrate on her book. Maybe not everyone who had good clothes had such easy lives.

A few minutes pass and Yongsun stops pretending to read her book. The girl’s conversation is much more interesting than advanced mathematical crap. Well, anything in that moment is more interesting but she has to settle for what she has.

“Don’t even try to make me feel better. I can feel the pity in your voice.” The girl says with a whiny tone. “Why do I have to be so awkward?”

Yongsun looks at the girl with sympathy. She was never awkward, thank goodness, but she imagined it would only make her life harder.

Suddenly the girl’s cheeks turn red and she slaps her own cheeks lightly. “Yah, don’t say that kind of stuff. I’m in public, jeez.”

Yongsun immediately averts her gaze away, she feels like she’s invading a stranger’s life. Her eyes focus on her book once again, trying to take the words in with the fear of getting caught. She can’t help but feel curious, what did her boyfriend say that made her so frustrated? 

“No, not at all. I look horrible right now. I am a mess.” The girl said, toying with her ramen. Yongsun’s eyebrows raise once again but this time with disbelief. How does the girl manage to lie like that? It is true that she looks a little bit tired and out of place, but Yongsun thinks that she could pass as an idol. Her natural looking hair is well kept, falling on her shoulders like waterfalls. She doesn’t have any make up on, but she doesn’t really need it at all. She couldn’t be referring to her clothes as well because they look better than anything Yongsun owns.

She is really gorgeous, and Yongsun hates the way the girl undermines herself. Girls need to stop looking down at themselves, the rest of the world does anyway.

“Okay, okay. I will. Don’t worry about me. Eat your dinner and please stay hydrated.” The girl says, obviously trying to hang up. “I’ll call tomorrow. Good night, babe.”

The rest of the girl’s stay is quiet, some occasional clicking of the chopsticks and a few slurping sounds are the only things that are being heard. Yongsun finally manages to return to her book, nearly finishing the chapter.

About fifteen minutes later, the girl which Yongsun basically stalked gets up and looks around for a moment, her empty ramen cup in her hand. Yongsun smiles at her gesture, most people just leave them there for her to pick up.

“It’s over there, if you’re looking for the trash can.” She says, pointing at it.

“Oh, thanks.”

Then the girl leaves the store, wishing her a good night with a low voice.

Yongsun looks at her watch, four hours to go.

 


	3. The Ramen Incident

She feels all life drain out of body as the clock hits midnight on a miserable Wednesday. Not only it had been an extra busy day, the fact that it’s also a Wednesday makes her lose more and more hope at each passing second.

What is Wednesdays good for anyway?

It’s just a useless day, made to pass by quietly, right in the middle of the long, long week.

Not that Yongsun has very different thoughts on other days of the week. The first thing she wishes when she wakes up is for that day to end quickly so she can go to bed again. There’s no room for enjoying her moments in a life like hers.

She tries to study, the words in front of her look like ancient writings in the late hours of the night. Her finals are approaching and she only wants to pass them without any problems.

The door creaks and she watches as a slim figure makes its way into the store. That’s the girl from a few days ago, the one who calls her boyfriend ‘babe’ and stares for too long for whatever reason.

Yongsun’s eyes track the girl’s movements, not out of curiosity but with the sole purpose of doing something other than reading her textbook. Or maybe Yongsun wants to be reminded of the other’s existence since it’s almost 1 AM and reality feels a little bit broken in the silent convenience store.

The blonde gets a box of low-priced ramen and a can of beer. She’s polite, says all the thank yous and good nights even though the bags under her eyes are visible and she’s rubbing her temples as she sits down to start eating. Her posture seems tense as she takes a sip from the cold beer, like she’s thinking hard and long about some unsolvable problem.

Well, Yongsun thinks to herself, she’s getting cheap ramen in luxurious work clothes, all alone at midnight, how good can her life be going?

She makes a call to someone again, opens the phone with another ‘babe?’ so Yongsun wonders if she and her boyfriend will talk like this every time the blonde visits the store. Yongsun can’t risk having difficulties studying even in her night shift. Maybe she’ll kindly ask the stranger to phone her boyfriend in somewhere else.

About 20 minutes later the girl throws her empty cup and can to the trash and leaves.

//

It goes on.

Yongsun doesn’t always have the night shift but when she does, the blonde always comes, usually after 10 PM. She can’t help but notice the dark circles under the stranger’s eyes or the lack of light in her chocolate brown eyes. It’s a shame, she thinks, such emptiness written all over such a pretty face like the girl’s. Yongsun wonders where is the girl’s boyfriend she talks every night, does he know of the blonde’s unhealthy eating habits? She amuses herself with coming up with all kinds of stories, the girl’s visit had become a little break from all the studying for her somehow.

A few of her questions find answers on a Thursday.

Crimson shadows fall on the girl’s face from the cooler -the one with the big sign that says, ‘COCA COLA’- Her bangs had gotten longer since she had first come into the store weeks ago. She answers her phone almost out of a reflex and Yongsun knows what is going to come out of her lips before she even says it.

“Hi, babe. I’m good.”

Yongsun wonders sometimes if the girl knows she’s listening. It’s not like she wants to, but there’s only two of them and if they don’t speak they can even hear each other’s breathing.

“I don’t think I screwed up the last one, don’t worry about me.” The girl sighs, “Tell me how’s Busan? Does your mom cook for you well?”

Ah, Yongsun feels like everything makes sense, he lives in Busan.

“Me?” The blonde exclaims, she sounds a bit nervous, “Of course, I’m eating well. Don’t you know me?”

She lifts her head to take a glance at Yongsun after saying this, as if she’s afraid of Yongsun snitching on her. The pink haired averts her gaze hastily, cheeks burning from the possibility of getting caught. Thankfully, the girl gets distracted by the person on the other side of the line.

“Your final is tomorrow? I’m sorry, I forgot, sweetie. Good luck, okay?”

//

Yongsun is having a hard time studying. Which is horrible, considering the big final she has three days later.

It’s just that international trade is boring, and Yongsun has too much on her mind to focus on anything now. Like, will she be able to pay her share of this month’s electricity bill or does the blonde with a boyfriend from Busan come everyday to the store, when she doesn’t have shifts too?

She might ask her herself but the stranger’s currently busy with talking on the phone, too loud for Yongsun’s liking. Maybe that’s why she can’t study.

“I get it.” She says with a fed-up voice, “You’ve already told me to go to bed earlier twice.”

There’s a short silence that follows her answer, she rolls her eyes at her boyfriend. “Right, right. I’m sorry.”

It is fairly obvious that the girl hadn’t had the best day. Yongsun can see that she’s trying hard to not snap, but as it seems, she’s failing. Everyone has bad days, Yongsun reasons, but she’s being a bit unfair to the boyfriend.

The blonde sighs and rubs her temples. “Honey, can we talk later? My head hurts and I’m being rude to you unintentionally.”

After the call ends, she gazes up to Yongsun to see how much of the conversation she’s been listening. However, Yongsun just stares at her textbook, a bit annoyed at the girl for talking so loudly.

The girl gets her ramen out of the microwave, looking gloomy as she does. While she steps towards her usual table, Yongsun hears a loud crash, which makes her jump in surprise. She shrieks a bit before catching herself and when she looks up there’s a mess on the floor.

The blonde girl lays down on the floor, not making a move to get up like she's been fed up with life. The bowl of ramen she had in her hands now decorate the floor with its ingredients, almost looking like a depressing piece of modern art.

All Yongsun can do is gape as the silence stretches, filled with furious glances from the tired, overworked cashier and fatigue stare of the blonde girl.

“I’m… sorry.” The girl says as she finally gets up from the floor. Her lack of a proper response gets on Yongsun’s nerves. Their eyes meet and she feels the girl shudder under her firm gaze. Her eyes look a bit more awake now. “I can clean it up myself, just show me where the mop is.”

Even though Yongsun is surprised by her offer she accepts it immediately by pointing to the staff room. “It’s right there.”

She sees the stranger’s eyes go wide, like she hadn’t expected Yongsun to actually agree. “Uh… okay, I guess.” She examines her noodle stained clothes with nothing but disappointment in her eyes. “I… am cleaning.”

Yongsun nods, and like coming out of trance she realizes, “Oh! I’m sorry, did you get burned?”

The blonde looks as blank as her now. “Uh, no, I’m good. I spilled the most on the floor.” She bows deeply. “I’m sorry.”

Yongsun watches as the girl takes the mop out of the cabinet and starts sweeping. Yongsun is amazed by the girl’s good-manners, she never had a customer that would do this.

Minutes pass by and after the girl is satisfied with her work she puts the mop back to where it belongs and faces Yongsun with a tired smile. “I can be a bit clumsy sometimes.”

“It’s okay,” Yongsun smiles back, “At least you clean up after yourself. I’m too tired tonight to do so, thank you.”

The girl pulls her bangs that fall on her eyes. She glances at her textbook and sympathetically answers, “Finals week?”

“Yeah, my final finals.” She jokes.

“Oh, you’re a senior?” The girl inquires, “You seem younger.”

Yongsun raises her eyebrows. She gets that a lot, thanks to her looks but she’s pretty sure the woman in front of her is younger than her.

"I'm actually 26. Had to skip a few years." She says, enjoying the shock on the other girl’s face.

"Really? You're older than me?" The blonde says with disbelief. Yongsun scoffs a little, it's not like the other looks mature either, her features make her seem like an adolescent.

"I guess so..." Yongsun says, not knowing how to continue the conversation. She decides to cut it short, but the blonde opens her mouth first. "Is that The Innerworkings of International Trade?" She asks, there is a glint of nostalgia on her face. "I nearly memorized that book from the cover to back a few years ago. Man, that was one hell of a course."

The enthusiastic look in the girl’s eyes makes Yongsun scoff a bit, maybe she was one of those over-achievers back at her school. "What did you study?" asks Yongsun with curiosity before she can stop herself. There was no need to deepen their encounter, but her big mouth had a mind of its own.

"Business Management and Economics. Fun times, you can imagine." The girl answers with a snicker. "Unless you wanted to torture yourself by choosing this as your elective course, I guess we are on the same boat."

"Yes, I study business as well and no I'm not a masochist, thank you." Yongsun laughs, she's surprisingly really easy to talk to. "What did you pass this bore of a course with?" She finds herself asking, almost like trying to confirm her theory of the girl's smarts.

"Oh, I passed it with A+. Professor was a bit generous." The girl says, blushing like the first bloom of spring. "I can help if you want, I'm sure I remember a bit."

Yongsun stares into the girl’s eyes, her mind is filled with disbelief towards this fashionable girl. Who would offer to do such a selfless deed at this ungodly hour, much less for a complete stranger?

Yongsun knows that she's being a little creepy, looking into the other’s eyes way longer than necessary but there is something in those brown abysses that lures her in. Maybe the bags under her eyes magnify their effect but whatever the reason is Yongsun can't seem to tear her eyes away.

"Yongsun-sshi?" The girl asks, biting her lip with concern in her eyes. "Are you okay?"

Yongsun shakes her head, scolding herself for acting like that. "Yeah, sorry. Sleep deprivation is catching up with me." She said with an apologetic smile. "And, I would be grateful if you could explain this section right here."

Their conversation drawls through another hour, their familiarity increasing as the blonde explains her what seems like the meaning of life from the way she's making it sound. Yongsun understands the course a little bit better, and herself less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just wanted to tell you that this'll be a slowburn so bear with us. enjoy! :))


	4. Strangers to Acquaintances

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! welldonedragon here :) hope you guys are liking the story so far. As I wrote down there somewhere, we set an update schedule of updating every three days and we will go through with it as much as possible. I know many of you are here for the moonsun but we wanted to write a realistic story with break ups and moving on, so moonseul will be there for a bit longer than you guys probably want. We are trying to convey the feelings which one experiances when going through the end of a long, affectionate relationship without hating the other person and then finding a new spark in someone else without it being a rebound.
> 
> So yeah, this story will be like that. I hope you enjoy this slow and burning slow-burn :)
> 
> cheers to suffering! *cling*

Byulyi is used to eating cheap ramen by now. What she isn’t used to is the company.

She helps the -apparently- older girl with her studies, and the next day she finds the other already waiting for her.

She doesn’t say that she’s been waiting of course. But it’s all in the little details, the way her mouth curls upwards in a knowing smile when she spots Byulyi and the way her head jerks up at the second Byulyi walks in, like she had rehearsed it before.

“Hi!” The pink haired -Yongsun… unnie?- exclaims, “Almost thought you wouldn’t come.”

Byulyi finds it a bit odd that Yongsun had apparently been thinking of her but she doesn’t mention it. “Ah, sorry, today I was a little tired.”

Truth is, she had been feeling depressed over her lack of progress of finding a job rather than tired. She had gone to good schools, had good references. Why isn’t it working out?

“It’s okay,” Yongsun gives her a bright smile, “It’s just that I wanted do buy you ramen. You know, to thank you.”

Byulyi’s eyebrows shoot up. She hadn’t considered the help she had given the older girl to be something so appreciated. She shrugs, she’s not in the position to decline the offer for free food. “This may sound a bit shameless, but I wouldn’t say no to that.”

Yongsun beams, “Pick whichever you like.”

“You know,” Byulyi says as she makes her way over to the ramen cups, “I can explain more if you don’t understand something… to show you my gratitude.” She points to the cup she’s holding, “For ramen.”

Yongsun supports her head with one hand while glancing at Byulyi with a glint of amusement in her eyes. “So, you want to show me your gratitude because of the gift I get for you, you know, to show my gratitude.”

“Aren’t we grateful tonight?” Byulyi answers, she is now more relaxed around the girl, “Well, I just want to help. I have some purely personal reasons too. I just want to, uhm, feel like I’m doing something in the world.”

 “What do you mean?” The older asks. She scans the ramen’s barcode with almost robot-like movements, so used to doing it by now.

“It’s that…” Byulyi begins, she’s suddenly shy to express something so deep about herself to a total stranger, “I feel like I’m just floating around these days. Not really living in true sense of the word.”

She expects the girl to ask why’s she telling her this or to give a disinterested nod but when she looks up from the ground she sees Yongsun’s gaze already steadied on her. “I understand.” She says after a short silence, “I feel like that too.”

“We might understand each other then.” Byulyi decides on to not inquire the girl on her life, she hadn’t asked questions either. “So, is there a topic you don’t understand?”

 

* * *

 

About an hour later, Yongsun lifts her head up from her textbook and blinks sheepishly, “It’s a strange to ask now but, what’s your name?”

 _Oh_.

Late nights aren’t good to Byulyi apparently since she must be losing a few of her braincells.

She gets up in a hurry and bows, “I’m so sorry. That was rude of me. I‘m Moon Byulyi.”

“Don’t worry, it’s not like I asked.”

They fall into a silence after that. It is one of those where neither of them know where to take the conversation.

“Byulyi-ssi,” Yongsun starts, “How come you eat ramen here every day, if you don’t mind me asking.”

Byulyi faces a dilemma upon hearing the girl’s question. She can find a way to avoid the question or even tell the girl it’s none of her business but the desire to talk to someone about her miserable state outweighs.

“I have to save up.” She answers simply, her previous spendings and the money she set aside for Seulgi’s anniversary gift really puts her in a much tougher situation. But then again, it’s worth when she imagines the girl’s happiness when she opens her gift. “And I don’t come here every single day.”

Yongsun’s face shows confusion, she gestures towards Byulyi’s direction vaguely. “But… you look rich.”

Byulyi can’t help but laugh at this. “Yeah, yeah. My parents are. But then… stuff happened.”

She can see that Yongsun wants to ask more but doesn’t, instead she changes the subject. “You didn’t talk on the phone today.”

“That would be impolite to you, wouldn’t it?” Byulyi reasons. She’s slightly surprised at how much of her daily routine Yongsun has caught up on. Does she know that she’s talking to her girlfriend?

“I guess.” The girl answers, not pushing it further to Byulyi’s relief. “So, the fifth question, how do we solve it?”

 

* * *

 

When she steps into the shop the next day Byulyi is ready to do some teaching. She had had an interview earlier that day, which to her surprise hadn’t gone that bad, and she’s dying to make her brain actually work for something.

But the pink haired isn’t there that day.

Instead, another girl sits in front of the counter. She’s perhaps a bit younger than Byulyi but she doesn’t trust her senses that much after finding out Yongsun is older than her, despite her chubby cheeks and baby face.

She takes a look around to see if the girl is somewhere in the aisles, organizing the shelves or moping the floor. But there’s no sign of her and Byulyi finds herself a tiny bit sad over this new development.

She catches the cashier’s eye but doesn’t ask where Yongsun is. It’s not like they are friends anyway. Instead, she dials Seulgi’s number after getting her ramen.

“Sweetie?” The voice on the other side of the line is sleepy.

“Oh. Were you sleeping? I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Seulgi doesn’t sound mad at all. This is one of the things Byulyi loves about the girl, she’s always so… calming. “Did something happen?”

“No, nothing,” Byulyi hurries to say, “It’s just that I wanted to hear your voice.”

She hears a giggle, “Yeah?” Seulgi asks, her voice turns serious as she continues, “Are you okay over there? I know we can’t talk much during the day… And you don’t have many friends in Seoul.”

Byulyi sees where she’s getting at. “I’m alright.” She mumbles, she doesn’t want her to worry.

“Do you feel lonely?”

Byulyi is taken aback by the sudden blunt question. She’s once again amazed by how well Seulgi knows her, how can she manage to find what’s wrong even when she’s miles away. She takes her time before answering, taking the sounds of Seulgi’s steady breathing in.

“Maybe, a little.”

She doesn’t have the energy to pretend like she’s completely okay anymore. Even if she did, she is sure Seulgi would know she’s lying.

Seulgi lets out a breath. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry you have to go through that all alone.”

There’s a silence that follows, perhaps they both think about similar things.

“Don’t worry about me please,” Byulyi starts the same lie once again, “I’ll be okay. It’s just that I can’t seem to get a job. Everything will be fine once I get one.”

She doesn’t tell her about her situation with her parents and her lack of economic freedom, of course.

“How can I not worry?” Seulgi snaps suddenly, “I care about you, but you aren’t telling me anything significant about yourself nowadays.”

“You know I don’t want to bother you. You must be busy with your senior year and…” Byulyi struggles to find the right words, “And it will all pass.”

“You should know you can never bother me by telling me your troubles! I’m your girlfriend, it’s my duty.” Seulgi presses, “Why are you so distant lately?” She continues when Byulyi doesn’t answer, voice breaking a little.

Byulyi’s heart sinks at the tone of the younger’s voice, “I know, I’m sorry,” She apologizes, “I just have a lot to think about lately… Stuff I have to deal with. Can we talk later? I’m tired.”

“Okay, unnie, just know that I’m just a phone call away. You don’t have to be alone all the time.”

Both hearts shiver with their growing coldness as she ends the call.


	5. Less Lonely

Yongsun lifts her head up from the desk that hosted her study session for the last three hours. Her brain is now a mush; she checks her watch, seeing the numbers on her digital watch glow faintly.

18.45

She sighs as she gathers her stuff to leave for her supermarket shift, the only thing motivating her unconsciously is the hope that Byulyi comes again. She dismisses the thought from her head by shaking it vigorously. Why would she be excited to see a costumer? She already had the final and their excuse to talk was over. She sighs once again.

As she’s about to leave the library, one of classmates, a cute dongsaeng named Jeongyeon calls for her, walking fast towards her. “Unnie! Yongsun unnie!”

Their paths merge in front of the library door, the younger girl looking down at her with a big smile on her face. “Unnie, congratulations. I wish I studied with you.” She says with a pretend pout on her face.

“What?” Yongsun says before she can stop herself. She has no idea what the girl is talking about. “Studied for what?”

“You know, International Trade. You saw the scores, right?” The girl muses, understanding her sunbae’s confusion. “You scored 98, right behind Mina.”

Yongsun’s eyes widen before she shrieks with joy, hugging the girl in front of her without a second thought.

“Jeongyeon-ah! That’s such great news! Thank you!” 

They laugh together at her sudden burst of happiness before separating their ways, Yongsun heading for her job with a smile permanent on her face. She couldn’t wait to tell her special tutor, Byulyi, the good news.

Her face suddenly changes as she looks out of the bus’s window. Why is she so enthusiastic to speak with that rich ramen girl? They met not long ago, what made her so special that the first person that comes to her mind is her?

Maybe she is so deprived of human company that she immediately bonded mentally with Byulyi.

She tries to think of the last friend she made, embarrassed when she has to dig deep. It was probably during her first years in university. She still had some money left back then, she could still go out with friends. It was all before things went downhill.

She now has three time and energy consuming jobs and not even a won to spare. Everything she earns is going somewhere; rent, groceries, tuition, her mother’s memorial home rent and sometimes clothes and textbooks. There are times that a simple cup of coffee becomes a burden on her shoulders, making her do a mental check of her bank account balance.

Having no money or time also means no friends in today’s world. If you couldn’t hang out and if you don’t even have time to be active on social media, how could you maintain friendships? That’s why Yongsun gave up on trying.

Her head slightly bounces against the glass as the bus goes over a speed bump, snapping her out of her trans. Her eyes gaze towards the screen hovering a bit ahead. She only has two more stops to go. Setting her head against the glass once more, her ears get filled with the music she’s listening.  Words mean nothing to her as the singer’s calming voice surrounds her. She’s probably singing about love or something as equally luxurious as that but Yongsun doesn’t pay attention. All she can think about is her own loneliness.

Loneliness that pushed her towards the mysterious customer with troubles of her own. It is obvious that they were brought up quite differently, yet life pulled the rug under their feet by intersecting their lives like this. The road lamps outside catches Yongsun’s gaze as they flicker with a yellow glow, reminding of her, once again, Byulyi with her natural-looking blonde hair. Her richness even shows itself on her hair, taken care of with delicacy and treated by good hairdressers. Yet, the girl eats the cheapest food possible, nearly every day. What could have happened?

Her curiosity takes her mind over as she thinks further for reasons for the girl’s money saving behavior. She said her parents are rich, maybe they went through bankruptcy, she wonders. Or maybe they are forcing the girl to stand up on her own feet.

Her thoughts are dismissed as she hears the doors opening. She hops off from the bus, making her way towards her workplace. Her steps are slow, her watch tells her that she has forty minutes before her shift.

The walk from the bus stop to her job is usually four minutes long but she manages to turn that into ten by waking as slowly as possible, kicking pebbles along the way, her hands in her pockets.

As she turns around the corner, LED sign of the store shine brightly, almost disturbing her eyes. Her feet stop walking as she spots a familiar silhouette by the window.

Byulyi sits in her usual chair by the window, her head resting on her stretched arm, hands toying with her food by scrambling it with chopsticks. She looks drained even from a distance. Questions about the girl increases in her mind, her curiosity peaked for the first time in years. She is really surprised; nothing gathered her attention for this long in forever. What is it about this girl?

Her steps once again carry her into the store, her direction is the table the girl’s sitting at this time, instead of the usual staff room.

Byulyi doesn’t even pay her any attention until she sits right across from her.

“Hi.” Yongsun says with a quiet voice.

Byulyi immediately straightens up, pushing the stray hairs out of her face. She fakes a smile but Yongsun catches on. “Hi, Yongsun-sshi.”

“You look positively beaming. Did something good happen?” asks Yongsun with sarcasm. Byulyi scoffs.

“Yeah, unemployment cheers me up like nothing else.” The blonde answers, burying her face in her hands.

“Oh, I know that feeling. Absolute torture.” Says Yongsun with a sympathetic smile. “It gets replaced by job hatred right after you get in so don’t worry.”

“I pray for those days.” Byulyi says, picking up her chopsticks once again. “I feel like my brain is losing its functions slowly.”

“Then you would like some good news.” Yongsun says looking the girl in the eye. “That brain of yours helped me be the second in class. I got a freaking 98 on the final.”

Byulyi’s face visibly changes as her smile widens. “Yongsun-sshi, that’s such good news! I knew you had it in you!” The girl says grabbing Yongsun’s hand with excitement, squeezing to give her a boost. Yongsun blushes, gaping at this sudden unexpected display of skinship. The other doesn’t seem to notice this as she retracts her hand to press her phones home button to check the time. Numbers appear on the screen.

“When does your shift start?” The girl asks casually. “I want to treat you with something over this victory of yours.”

Yongsun splutters over her words. “N-no need at all! It’s not that big a deal!” She says as a growl rises from her stomach. Her excuse of not being hungry is off the table now.

“Nonsense, I want to celebrate my favorite student-unnie’s achievement.” The blonde insists, her eyes demanding as well as her voice. “It’s not like I’m offering to buy you an expensive dinner. It’s just convenience store food.”

Yongsun is already swayed but she acts hurt. “Just convenience store food? How dare you insult our fine diner like that?” She asks, overly dramatic with the hand over her heart. “I am deeply hurt, I’ll have you know.”

Byulyi chuckles as she bows. “I’m sorry, Mademoiselle Kim for insulting this fine establishment in such a rude manner. Please forgive me and bestow me the honor of treating you with the finest ramen in town. The instant kind.”

Yongsun is in a fit of giggles as she walks towards the instant food section. “Who knew you had it in you to talk like that, Byulyi-sshi. I thought you swallowed a Shakespeare play.” She says as she picks her favorite and walks towards the cashier. Byulyi runs up behind her, grabbing the ramen out of her hand and gesturing her to sit at the table.

“Such a gentlewoman.” Yongsun muses as she walks right back to the table. Byulyi fumbles with the microwave for a few minutes and returns with a steaming cup of ramen.

“Top-quality ramen for the lady.” She says, putting it down with an exaggerated bow. A napkin is laid over her forearm, as if to imitate a waiter.

“Thank you for the meal.” Yongsun says quietly before digging in. After losing herself in the ramen for a few minutes she looks up to see Byulyi watching her eat. Her hand immediately covers her mouth.

“What? Is there something on my face?” She asks, swallowing her bite.

“No, no. It’s just that your cheeks make you look like a bunny when you’re eating.” The girl says casually.

Yongsun coughs, blushing all the way down to her neck with the statement. “Yah! What is that supposed to mean? Why are you being so greasy, Byulyi-sshi?”

Byulyi simply smirks as she shrugs. “It just means that you sometimes look like a bunny. What did you think?”

Before she can respond, her coworker calls for her.

“Yongsun-sshi, I’m going.” She announces as she waves goodbye. “Good night.”

Yongsun waves back and wipes her mouth with a napkin.

“I have to clock in now.” She says slowly getting up. Byulyi takes the cue and also gets up.

“I’m also going to get going.” She says, somewhat reluctantly grabbing her bag. “I have… stuff to do.”

Yongsun hesitates before speaking once again. She doesn’t know why she’s saying these words, but her tongue has a mind of its own at that second. “If your business isn’t urgent, you could hang out here. You know, to chat a bit.”

Byulyi is surprised but she smiles brightly. “Sure, books can wait.”

//

“So, how are you today?” Byulyi immediately asks as soon as she enters the shop, for the fourth time that week.

A big grin spreads on Yongsun’s face, pleased to see her newest friend. “I’m good. You?”

“I’m alright.” Byulyi shrugs, “As good as I can be. Come sit with me.” She suggests after getting her ramen, “Eating alone is no fun.”

Yongsun grimaces, “You want me to watch you eat? That’s a bit gross.”

“Ah, is that so?” She sees Byulyi grin playfully, “But you watch me anyway. I have eyes too, you know.”

“I…” Yongsun starts, embarrassed at getting caught. Her cheeks turn pink and she looks away with shyness. “I don’t look at you that much.”

“Nah, it’s okay.” Byulyi assures, “It’s probably my clothes.” She continues cockily, “What can I say? I just attract attention.”

As much as Yongsun would admit that this is the case, she doesn’t give Byulyi the satisfaction of being acknowledged and sighs instead. “Remind me why did I befriend you?”

“It’s the rich vibe, I tell you.” Byulyi jokes, “I’m just a girl in debt without the clothes.”

“I don’t know if I find this sad or amusing.”

“That’s the beauty of life,” Byulyi says while pointing at her with the chopsticks, “It’s tragicomic, so you can feel joy even when you’re suffering.”

“But why does some get to enjoy life without the suffering?” Yongsun mumbles. “Here we are, I struggled to keep myself fed for God knows how long and you’re suddenly miles away from your comfort zone. Why does the life require tragedy when it can be solely full of joy?”

Byulyi ponders for a moment. “For the appreciation, perhaps? Until I was reduced to eating instant ramen every day, I never appreciated a good meal. Our family home even had a cook, who would make meals from around the world, I never once thought to myself that it was a luxury and I was lucky to have it.” She explained shyly. “I know it sounds really snobbish but that’s what happens. You don’t realize that you had something until you lose it, feeling it’s absence.”

Yongsun listens to the blonde girl, trying her best to be neutral. She never had a cook before and the most foreign food she had was probably McDonalds, but she understands the core message. “Life likes to give out sucker punches like that, huh? I mean I always complained that my father left but I didn’t realize that having a mother was a privilege that many didn’t have until I no longer had one.” She says, avoiding Byulyi’s gaze because she knows her eyes will be full of pity. She doesn’t want it, she never did. It never does her any good. “I’m not saying this so that you can throw me a pity party.”

“I wasn’t trying to. Life happens. There will be losses and wins along the way. Laughs and tears. Some have more drama in theirs and some have more love.” She states absently. “It’s a bit like a TV show, don’t you think? Nothing is as we see it. Unlikely events happen every day, true comedy material.”

“So, you call this,” Yongsun gestures to the air between them, “Unlikely?”

“No, no!” Byulyi is quick to deny which makes Yongsun a tiny bit happy, “I mean, I’m here wearing really expensive clothes and eating instant ramen… nearly every day. You’re here, you look like a high schooler -no offense- and you’re 26 but still in university.” “No, no!” Byulyi is quick to deny which makes Yongsun a tiny bit happy, “I mean, I’m here wearing really expensive clothes and eating instant ramen… nearly every day. You’re here, you look like a high schooler -no offense- and you’re 26 but still in university.”

Yongsun doesn’t respond because Byulyi is right. There’s absurdness evident in their newfound friendship. Something doesn’t sit quite right but Yongsun can’t find it in herself to stay away. There’s no reason to do so.

Instead she settles on discreetly studying Byulyi’s face closely as she eats. Her bangs fall on her forehead, and when she sweeps them back with annoyance Yongsun spots a mole under her eyebrow, identical to Yongsun’s own.

She kind of looks like a hamster, Yongsun thinks sheepishly.

“What is it?” The owner of the face she was just inspecting speaks up, “Do I have something on my face?”

“H-Huh?” Yongsun answers dumbfoundedly, as it seems she’s not being as discreet as she had thought, “No, not at all. I was just…” Her voice trails off at the end, not being able to make up an excuse.

“You’re kind of strange.”                   

“This is not a way to talk to your elders.” Yongsun deadpans.

“I’ll keep that in mind, high schooler unnie.”

“You’re kind of annoying.”

Byulyi’s nose crunches up in a big grin. “I try my best.”

//

“There’s a sale on ramens, your lucky day is finally here.”

It’s two weeks later, Byulyi’s wearing an expensive blazer and black pants so that must mean she’s coming back from a job interview. She looks like she needs to be cheered up.

“Hooray.” She mumbles in a disinterested voice as she makes her way towards the ramen shelf, “Buy two get one free, huh? Am I allowed to buy like… ten?”

“If you ask my opinion as a cashier, sure. But as your friend, I must stop you.”

“You don’t understand my lifestyle.” Byulyi pouts, “Fine, I’ll just get two and one for free.”

Yongsun looks up to Byulyi sympathetically. She looks good as always but it’s obvious that she’s been living unhealthily. “Why don’t you cook for yourself?”

“I don’t know how to.” Byulyi answers, rubbing her nape and looking embarrassed. “It’s just that I’ve never had to deal with this, so I never learned.”

Yongsun shakes her head. “You can just google a simple recipe.”

“I’m just naturally bad at it.”

“How can you be bad at making scrambled eggs?”

Byulyi huffs, “I just am.”

Yongsun is feeling sorry for the girl. And she’s also surprised at the younger’s ignorance about the ways to live properly. “Okay, how about this,” Yongsun suggests, “I can teach you cook some stuff.”

She watches as a surprised look takes over Byulyi’s face, eyebrows shooting up. “You can?”

Yongsun confirms by nodding enthusiastically. Over the weeks of knowing each other she had discovered that she hates seeing Byulyi suffer so much.

“Whoa,” Byulyi beams, “You’re the best… I’m already hungry.”

She covers her reddening face with one hand as she speaks, she’s not used to compliments after all. “Eat your ramen then. I can’t teach you today. But we’ll set up a day soon, alright?”

“Sure, unnie.” Byulyi says, simultaneously her phone starts to ring, “Sorry I’ve got to take this.” She explains before swiping her phone’s screen. Yongsun can’t see the caller ID from where she’s sitting but she’s sure that it’s the boyfriend from Busan.

“Hi, sweetie.” Byulyi talks with so much sweetness in her voice that it annoys Yongsun a little, “Yeah, I’m in a good mood now.”

“Huh? You, of course.”

Yongsun feels like she’s witnessing something private, a strange feeling emerging in her.

Byulyi giggles after glancing to Yongsun. “Yeah, so much.”

“Do you want me to…” Yongsun trails off, gesturing that she can go sit in front of the counter.

Byulyi holds one hand on the speaker and answers her. “No, it’s fine.” She goes back to her phone call in no time. “Me? Oh, no one.”

Did he ask who she is talking to, Yongsun wonders bitterly, Yongsun’s just no one then.

“You’re almost graduating, honey.”

The discomfort of having to sit through someone else’s intimate phone call is eating Yongsun so she gets up abruptly, making Byulyi surprised.

“I just realized,” She lies, “There are shelves that needs arranging, excuse me.”

//

When Moon Byulyi comes in to buy cheap ramen, Yongsun has a good day.

That’s a strange revelation, really. How can one’s presence lift her whole mood up? Maybe, she’s been isolated from the world for too long, and now she had forgotten what is like to have a friend. Still, she would never admit it but Byulyi and her stupid jokes amuses her greatly. She seeks for her when she’s not there, head lifting up to lay her eyes on every customer that comes in to check if they’re Byulyi, feeling disappointed if they’re not, being slightly happy if it is indeed Byulyi, eyes lingering a few moments more than necessary to take the sight in. She plays along to her jokes, pretending she’s irritated sometimes. She’s actually only irritated when Byulyi gets a phone call, interrupting their conversation. Because she wants to make the most of their limited time. They don’t even have each other’s phone number.

All of this is strange, honestly. She feels strange around Byulyi.

 She decides on a good kind of strange however, as soon as she sees her face that night.

She decides on a good kind of strange however, as soon as she sees her face that night.

“Unnie,” Byulyi wastes no time before speaking, her usual warm smile present on her face. “What are you thinking about so hard?”

“I was just thinking about…” Byulyi looks at her expectantly, Yongsun quickly thinks a way out. “Which day should I teach you to cook? We’ve been delaying.”

“Oh!” Byulyi gives her a smile almost like she just gave her everything in the world. “Today’s Thursday, so you don’t work tomorrow. You can come over, huh?”

“But I work on Fridays,” Yongsun states, checking her mental calendar. “It’s just at a different place.”

“You do?” Byulyi inquires, her face filled with curiosity. “Where?”

“I’ve got a singing gig.” Yongsun says shyly, she doesn’t have the best self-confidence.

“You sing?” Byulyi exclaims, eyebrows shot up high. “Really?”

“Why is it so unbelievable?” Yongsun asks, her arms folded questioningly.

“It’s just…” Byulyi looks lost in thought. “I find singers cool.”

“Aren’t I cool?” Yongsun giggles, smugness in her voice.

“Nope, not at all.” Byulyi grins, “If you want to be cool, sing me something.”

Yongsun gets shy suddenly. “You know, I can’t just start singing out of the blue.”

“Except that it’s not out of the blue, I’m asking for it,” Byulyi presses, way too interested in the girl’s newfound talent. “Do you have a favorite artist?”

“Uh, I don’t know,” Yongsun mumbles, “I can’t think of a song right now.”

Byulyi beams suddenly, face lighting up like she just had a great idea. “You know BoA?” She asks, “Sing Moon & Sunrise,” She points to herself, “Because Moon,” She gestures to Yongsun’s form, “And sunrise.”

Yongsun has to look away shyly, face heating up once again. “I don’t know if I can…”

Byulyi pouts, “Okay, okay. I’ll leave you alone if you don’t want to. But, promise me that someday you’ll sing for me.”

“I… You- Why would I sing for you?” Yongsun spills out, “I won’t serenade you or something!”

Byulyi lets out a melodic laugh. “Sorry, it came out wrong.”

Yongsun doesn’t know how to fight the feeling of embarrassment anymore.

//

“Wow.” Is the first thing Byulyi says when she steps inside.

Yongsun looks up, clearly confused at the younger’s behavior. “What?”

“Your hair…” Byulyi tries to explain, “It’s brown.”

“Oh, right!” Yongsun answers, unconsciously touching her hair, “My roots were showing, and pink is kind of hard to take care of.” She continues with curiosity, “Do you like it?”

“Uhm, you look… older.” She sees Byulyi look for words, “That’s… nice.”

“Uh, thanks?” Yongsun isn’t sure if she’s getting complimented, “At least now you won’t bully me for looking young.”

“I wasn’t bullying you!” Byulyi protests, “I like to tease my friends.”

“Whatever you say.” Yongsun giggles, “So, today I can teach you how to cook, what do you say?”

Byulyi checks the time on her phone, looking like she’s about to protest. “It’s midnight, unnie.”

“Yeah? We’re both adults, aren’t we?”

The blonde looks lost in thought for a moment before speaking up. “I’ll accept only if I can take you home with my car afterwards. It’s dangerous for you so late at night.”

Yongsun half appreciates the thought but can’t help saying, “You know I get off work later than this when I work the night shift, right? I did this before I even met you. I still do.”

Byulyi is puzzled at Yongsun’s harsh reply. She fixes her bangs which fall on her eyes, and speaks, “I know, but it doesn’t mean I don’t worry.”

This time it’s Yongsun’s turn to be shocked. Where does their friendship stand according to Moon Byulyi, anyway? Are they simple acquaintances or do they have something deeper? After giving it a little thought, Yongsun had discovered that she would want it to be the latter.

“I know I can’t take you to your home every single day but,” Byulyi goes on when Yongsun doesn’t reply, “I think of you sometimes, wonder what’re you doing.” She looks up to check Yongsun’s expression and adds with hurry, “I mean, I wonder if you’re home safe… Don’t misunderstand.”

Yongsun is overwhelmed with the warm feeling of being cared. How long has it been since she had felt this way? She doesn’t even remember. It evokes a distant memory, brings her back to old days where her father still hadn’t left, and her mother was still alive. The way Byulyi had made her feel is similar to having a family dinner with dessert afterwards, sincere and familiar. She wasn’t aware of all the things she had missed without knowing until Moon Byulyi waltzed into her life.

“Give me your phone number.”

“Huh?” Byulyi looks like she hadn’t expected the sudden request but collects herself together, “Sure, give me your phone.”

“I can text you when I get home this way,” Yongsun explains as she hands her phone, and then asks with a little fear, “Is this okay?”

“Of course, unnie.”

Rather than her phone number, it’s Byulyi’s smile that makes her feel a bit safer.

//

“So, you need to chop the carrots and then add the other ingredients.” Yongsun explains once again.

They’re in Byulyi’s huge apartment. Yongsun was shocked to see how many room’s Byulyi’s house has. Why is this necessary when only one person lives in it?

“No wonder you’re struggling financially with this apartment.” Yongsun had muttered under her breath five minutes after getting in, she hadn’t meant Byulyi to catch what she’s saying but the younger had given a little toothless smile and had answered in a depressed tone.

“My parents paid for the first month and I had some saved-up money,” She explains, “Well, I don’t anymore.”

She pities Byulyi a bit for her cluelessness about the world, a feeling in her desires to teach her to live properly.

“I think I get it.” Byulyi says from where she’s sitting, which makes Yongsun exasperated.

“Then get up and do it yourself.”

She doesn’t mean to be rude but it’s so late at night and her patience is starting to run out.

“But unnie,” Byulyi whines, “You don’t want me to burn the house down, do you?”

“It’s not my house,” She says shrugging, “You won’t learn unless you do it yourself, come on.”

She takes Byulyi’s hand and pulls her towards the counter. A sudden sound of a door being closed makes them jump in surprise.

A sweet voice fills the apartment, full of joy and affection, “Surprise! Unnie, where are you?”

Byulyi suddenly lets go of her hand, a bit too aggressively. Byulyi seems shocked all of a sudden. Then calls out for the mystery voice, “Seul-ah? Is that you?” she says as she glances towards the door. “I’m in the kitchen with my friend.”

The owner of the voice sticks her head in the kitchen during mid-sentence. “What friend? You don’t have any friends- Oh!”

She eyes both of them with a questioning stare and then politely smiles, setting down a paper bag that is full of tupperwares. “Hi… friend. I’m Seulgi. Byul unnie’s… friend.”

Byulyi steps in to save them from the awkwardness and hooks arms with Seulgi, “This is Yongsun unnie. She works at the store downstairs.”

Seulgi looks a bit disgruntled, but still leaning in to the touch. “Their home delivery service must be amazing.”

Yongsun doesn’t understand the cause of the sudden tension between Byulyi and Seulgi. But she decides to introduce herself. “Hi, nice to meet you.” She bows politely, “I only came by to teach Byul how to cook.”

“Ah, likewise, unnie,” Seulgi gives her a warm smile along with a bow, she sniffs the air looking hungry, “What are you two cooking? If you don’t have side-dishes, I’ve brought home made stuff. So we can eat them together.” She says getting the food that she had brought out of its bag.

Byulyi looks at her friend with affection as she helps her unpack. “How was your flight, b- Seulgi?”

Yongsun doesn’t know what she was about to say but Byulyi looks embarrassed now. Seulgi smiles up at her. “It wasn’t really comfortable.”

Yongsun glances at Byulyi before speaking up again, she has an unreadable expression on her face. “Then, I’ll just leave you two alone.” She decides, “You must be tired.”

“No, no,” Seulgi assures her, “Why don’t you eat with us? You’ve cooked all of these. I’m pretty sure Byul unnie wasn’t much of a help.”

“Then… if you’re offering,” Yongsun looks once again at Byulyi, her stare is fixed on Seulgi.

“Sure, unnie, eat with us.” She says finally turning away.

What’s with the weird atmosphere?

 


	6. Inevitable

Byulyi is experiencing maximum discomfort.

It’s not that she had done something wrong, it’s just the atmosphere of the room is suffocating. With both Seulgi and Yongsun giving her unsure glances every second, one slightly mad, one confused, she just wants to flee out of the apartment.

But she doesn’t have that option, so she’s stuck here, listening to the other girls’ polite conversation as she wonders, how am I here having dinner with my girlfriend and a random girl who I’ve never mentioned to my said girlfriend at 1.30 in the morning? Also, getting caught with a pretty girl by Seulgi at some random hour at night in her apartment is a bit too drama-like for Byulyi’s taste. She hadn’t done a bad thing, of course, never even thought about it but she doesn’t have control over Seulgi’s thoughts and the last thing she wants is the girl to misunderstand.

At least she’s sure Seulgi won’t direct her fury to Yongsun, even if she’s jealous. Seulgi’s the kindest person Byulyi has ever met, she trusts her fully to not to show her distasteful emotions to Yongsun, if she had any at all.

“So, Seulgi-sshi, where are you coming from?” Yongsun asks to make conversation.

“Me?” Seulgi answers as she chews her bite, “From Busan.”

“Busan?” Yongsun repeats, surprised for whatever reason, “Byulyi must know a few people in Busan.” She turns to the blonde. “Are you from there?”

“No… I only know Seulgi and few others.” Byulyi replies truthfully, “Why did you think that?”

Yongsun’s eyebrows shoot up slightly, bottom lip pouting a little. She looks lost in thought for a moment. “I see… Well, no reason.”

She finds Yongsun’s reaction to her reply weird but doesn’t question it too much. Yongsun is a tiny bit weird after all, of course a good kind.

“I go to university there and my family moved there after I finished high school.” Seulgi explains, “It’s my last semester, I’m almost graduating.”

“And I’m proud of you.” Byulyi says before she can help, she gives Seulgi a loving look. She had matured a lot since they’ve met.

Seulgi returns to her smile and waves a dismissive hand. “Everyone graduates somehow, you don’t need to be proud about that.”

Yongsun giggles before speaking. “I can’t even do that.”

“Huh? Why?” Seulgi eyes Yongsun with genuine concern, “What’s wrong?”

“I took many breaks due to… my financial condition,” Yongsun explains, “But it’s my last year too.”

Seulgi nods with sympathy. “Hang in there unnie.” She says with a huge smile, “Good days will come.”

Smiling at Seulgi’s positivity, Yongsun answers. “I hope so, Seulgi-sshi.”

Byulyi thinks that this is the end of their conversation but she’s wrong, once again. “So,” Yongsun starts with a teasing voice, “Seulgi-sshi, you’re pretty and really nice. Quite a catch, I’d say. Do you have a boyfriend, huh?”

Byulyi chokes on her food. She tries to not look like she’s interested but she sees Seulgi looking a little pissed off, Yongsun continues talking when she doesn’t answer.

“No need to be shy.” The eldest turns to Byulyi suddenly, “I know Byul has one.”

It is Seulgi’s turn to be shocked. “She does?!”

“NO!” Byulyi clarifies, in a hurry to explain before the girl has the wrong idea. “I don’t.”

Yongsun visibly pouts, “I don’t know why you’re not telling me. You always talk to someone on the phone, calling him ‘babe’. And he lives in Busan because one time you asked how was Busan.”

Byulyi stares at Yongsun for a moment dumbly. And then she gets it. She had been thinking Seulgi was her _boyfriend_ all this time. Well, not so far off from the truth. She glances at her girlfriend, seeing her cringe slightly.

“Ah,” Seulgi says with a wry smile, “Byul unnie’s boyfriend and I are very close. We’re closer than you can ever imagine, sometimes people in the streets ask us if we’re the related.”

“That’s… weird.” Yongsun replies with confusion, “Do you look alike?”

Byulyi kicks Seulgi’s foot under the table. “A bit, you could say. I’m glad Seulgi’s keeping an eye on him.” She giggles nervously. This conversation was a nightmare.

Yongsun nods understandingly. “It’s nice that you have such a good dongsaeng.”

“Uhm, yeah, I’m lucky to have her.” Byulyi agrees, “To… look after my _boyfriend_.”

Seulgi lets out a giggle which makes Yongsun turn to her, not understanding what is so funny. Byulyi can’t help but laugh either, seeing Yongsun get more and more confused with each passing second.

“I think I need to go home.” Yongsun declares, seemingly done with her food and a bit creeped out. She gets up and bows, “It was nice meeting you Seulgi-sshi.”

“Likewise.”

“Oh, I was going to…” Byulyi’s voice trails off, very much aware of her girlfriend’s presence. Take you home, she had meant to say.

“No need.” Yongsun waves a dismissive hand, “Good bye Byulyi-sshi.”

As soon as the door closes behind the cashier girl, there is an uncomfortable silence for the first time in their relationship. Byulyi’s gaze flickers to the shorter girl, her heart beating fast as she realizes how much she had missed her. All those thoughts about the distance between them and their relationship getting colder vanishes into thin air as Seulgi invades her senses. Her sweet perfume that Byulyi bought her on their second anniversary is surrounding them, her chestnut brown hair is in a messy bun with a few strands falling around her face, her voice fresh in her ears.

She moves forward, opening her arms, gesturing Seulgi to come closer. Her dongsaeng smiles at her bittersweetly before nuzzling her chest.

“I missed you so much, Byulie.” Seulgi whispers to her, voice filled with affection.

Byulyi doesn’t respond for a few seconds, taking her scent in, kissing her head. “I missed you too, Seul-ah.”

That moment which seems like an eternity slows down dangerously as Seulgi asks a question, weight of its words increasing with the disappointment and sadness in her voice. “Then why are you distancing yourself even further, Byulie?”

Byulyi gets defensive quickly. “It’s not what you think! I would never chea- “She begins yet gets cut off by Seulgi.

“I never thought that, I would never.” She says looking into her eyes with intensity. “I’m talking about the fact that I didn’t hear about her before.”

Byulyi looks away in shame, knowing that her girlfriend is right. She herself doesn’t even know why she didn’t mention Yongsun to Seulgi. It’s not like she’s interested in Yongsun in that way. Why did she keep it to herself?

“Did you think that I would get jealous? That I would accuse you of something? Were you guilty that you found her attractive?” Seulgi lists her questions, not waiting for their answers before speaking again. “I wouldn’t get jealous, you know that. No one would be happier for you to get new friends, nonetheless one that can teach you how to cook. And thinking she’s hot isn’t a problem, I have eyes too, you know.”

Byulyi’s head hangs low in shame, not daring to look up to Seulgi but the girl’s hand on her chin forces her to do so. “I don’t understand why you would keep something as good as you making a friend from me when I tell you everything, even the dogs I pet on the street.”

Byulyi hugs the girl once more, avoiding her gaze. “I’m sorry. You’re right.” She says with a low voice. “I don’t know why I’m closing in on myself either. I guess this job thing is straining me too much.”

Seulgi rubs her back with sympathy. “Oh, poor baby.” She coos. “Urban life is too hard to be unemployed.”

Byulyi nods, holding the girl’s hand and grabbing her luggage to take it to her bedroom. Her eyes linger on the clock.

1.55 A.M.

“Happy anniversary, babe.” Byulyi says, setting down the girl’s stuff by her table. Seulgi smiles widely and takes her hand once again.

“Happy anniversary, Byulie.” She says closing the distance between their lips.

//

“Unnie, didn’t you get the drinks?” Seulgi asks as she gathers the stuff necessary for their picnic. She’s standing in the kitchen, wearing one of Byulyi’s oversized hoodies.

Byulyi comes closer to her, checking her progress by looking over her shoulder after pulling her in a backhug. “I didn’t get them…” Byulyi admits, “We can buy some from downstairs on our way.”

Seulgi leans back on her, giving her warmth. “Okay.” Her face breaks in a teasing smile, “Will the hot unnie be there? Maybe _I_ should snatch her.”

“I don’t know.” Byulyi admits, returning Seulgi’s grin, “And come on, she’s obviously straight.”

Seulgi shrugs, making Byulyi’s head jump. “You thought I was straight.”

“Okay, you have a point.” Byulyi detangles herself from the embrace. “So, do you want your anniversary present now or later?”

Seulgi looks surprised, face lighting up. She jumps up and down like a kid. “Now, now!”

Byulyi laughs at her girlfriend’s childish antics and gets out of the kitchen, disappearing for a moment. She returns with a gift box, a note attached to the top.

She presents her the box, face supporting a proud smile. “Don’t read it now.”

Seulgi takes the gift from her hands, visibly excited as she tears the package open. Her eyes go twice their usual size as she gasps in shock. “You didn’t!”

“I did!” Byulyi answers with equal delight, “I knew you’ve been wanting to get one, so…”

Seulgi sets her new pen display aside to crush Byulyi in a hug. “Thank you! I love you so much!”

“Love you too.”

After a while, when Seulgi has calmed down she states with a thoughtful expression. “I hope your parents didn’t find it weird. For you to get a gift this expensive for a _friend_ , I mean.”

Byulyi laughs to mask her lying, a nervousness settling in her stomach. “Not really. They have too much money for themselves anyway.”

“They would react badly to us, right?” Seulgi states with worry and sadness all over her face, “I wonder what we can do to change that.”

Byulyi doesn’t tell her that this case was solved because that would require her to explain the current financial situation she’s in. She instead shakes her head, “They’ll come around, don’t worry.”

“But still,” Seulgi presses, “It’s not fair that they still act like your parents but ignore an essential part of you.”

The last thing Byulyi wants to hear is another discourse about her parents, even she gives herself those monologues too frequently lately. Well, since they refuse to talk to her after finding out about her relationship and cut their ties with her, that makes it a bit fairer that they ignore her sexuality. “I know. But is there something I can do about it? Let’s not talk about it….” She gives Seulgi’s shoulder a squeeze and protests, “…on this, sunny, beautiful day of our anniversary.” She finishes with a theatrical expression.

“Okay, okay, I won’t ruin it by talking about distasteful matters.” Seulgi smiles, “Then, let’s get going.”

//

Seulgi steps inside the convenience store, immediately spotting the cashier from the night before. She bows to her politely and says, “Hello, Yongsun-sshi.”

The girl recognizes her and breaks into a smile. “Hi, Seulgi-sshi.” She checks to see if there are more people coming in and visibly looks disappointed for a second. “Where is Byulyi?”

“Oh,” Seulgi replies, surprised to hear that Yongsun had been anticipating to see Byulyi, “She’s getting the car out of the garage.”

“She has a car?” Yongsun exclaims, questioning Seulgi, “Why doesn’t she sell it then?”

“Why would she sell her car?” Seulgi answers, not understanding where the girl is getting at. Was she always this strange?

“Well, you know, she needs money.” Yongsun tells her like it’s common knowledge, “She even eats here every day.”

Seulgi blinks, not comprehending. “Why would she need money? Her parents are rich.”

“Huh?” Yongsun looks embarrassed, “I’m sorry, just forget it. I don’t know if I should be telling you this. Please don’t tell Byul. I thought you were really close but maybe she didn’t tell you.”

Seulgi feels the color drain from her face as the words leave the girl's mouth. She couldn't believe what she is hearing, not only Byulyi kept something so crucial to her life a secret from her, she also shared her troubles with a girl she just met.

Feeling the pieces of her shattered heart clog her throat, she smiles bitterly and grabs a six-pack from the fridge. "I guess not."

The cashier girl doesn't comment further, her cheeks already red with embarrassment and her gaze avoiding hers as she scans her purchase. Seulgi waves her goodbye and walks towards the car, tears swelling up in her eyes.

Byulyi smiles, fixing the rear-view window as she gets in. "You only got beer?" she asks as she checks the bag. Then she notices Seulgi's face. "What... Are you okay?"

Seulgi breathes deeply, trying to gather her voice to speak up without crying. "Just drive. I don't want to do this here."

Byulyi looks confused and a little bit scared but complies her wish as she pedals up the gas. Seulgi senses that she’s about to ask something, so she turns her head away from her, focusing her gaze on the city outside.

“Did Yongsun say something?”

Seulgi gulps, trying to keep her tears in as she gets reminded of the girl Byulyi’s apparently so close to. “Why? Does she know something I don’t?” She answers harshly.

“So, she said something.” Byulyi says, eyes fixed on the road.

Seulgi doesn’t answer, leaving Byulyi to her thoughts. The girl calls her name when she’s met with silence.

“Seulgi?” Byulyi tries again, “Talk to me.”

She’s feeling hurt and betrayed, like she’s worthless. So Byulyi mistrusts her so much that she doesn’t even tell the massive changes in her life, her struggles. Why is all this secrecy for?

Byulyi runs a hand through her hair with frustration and suddenly pulls over. She turns to Seulgi with impatience, one hand on the steering wheel. “What is it?”

Seulgi makes eye contact with her, letting Byulyi feel the rage and hurt in her. “You! We’ve talked about this just yesterday and you had the chance to tell me that you’re having financial problems.”

Byulyi rubs her temples, breaking the eye contact. She looks ashamed but Seulgi isn’t having none of it at that moment. “And yet, you didn’t tell me. So, I find this out from a random cashier!” Seulgi growls, letting anger take over her mind, “You know what she told me? She said maybe we weren’t as close as she had thought!”

Seulgi wants to make Byulyi look at her, feel her true feelings but all the older woman does is hang her head low.

“I don’t understand why you didn’t tell me this. Do you think I’m immature, that I wouldn’t understand the real, adult world?” Seulgi goes on, trying to convey her thoughts properly, “Or do you just think my feelings for you aren’t genuine? I don’t see how you can think that! I don’t even feel like you trust me anymore.”

Byulyi lifts her head up, focusing on Seulgi’s dark brown orbs. Her eyes contain a mix of hurt and anger, the worst combination possible.

“It’s because,” She starts, voice reduced to a whisper, “My financial problem starts with my sexuality, with us.”

Seulgi is left stunned, waiting for her to explain properly.

“My parents found out about us.” Byulyi averts her gaze, “They haven’t been giving me money… or talking to me for that matter.”

Seulgi looks away with disbelief, a feeling of anger filling her heart for Byulyi's parents. She knew they were cruel, only caring about success and nothing else but she always thought since Byulyi already came out to them, their relationship wouldn't be that bad in their eyes. She must have underestimated the capacity of their hatred for everything that was out of their comfort zone.

There is a silence that follows these words, weight of the truth dropping itself on Seulgi's shoulders. She wasn't prepared for this, she wasn't prepared for the harsh reality that struck many homosexual couples, especially the ones that lived in countries like theirs.

Their acceptance by the society was rare, they had to live their lives by the rule of 'Homophobic until proven otherwise.' for their own safety.

Seulgi breathes in and out, coming to terms with the inescapable situation and turns to Byulyi, who is visibly struggling to keep the tears formed on her eyes from falling down like her mood. Seulgi reaches out and grabs the hand that is grasping the wheel tightly.

"Byulie, you can talk to me. Whatever it is, no matter how much it will hurt me, you can talk it out with me." She says looking into her eyes, not caring for her own tears, setting them free. "There is a reason I call you every day to make sure that even kilometers away you are doing okay. I want you to know that I didn't become your girlfriend only to be there when the times are good and we're on cloud nine. I accepted your confession because I liked the imperfect human I met years ago in that foreign land, and because I wanted to share an umbrella of mutual love and respect under this heavy rain of existence."

Byulyi lets out a sob escape from her lips, not able to help herself anymore. She leans forward to capture Seulgi in a hug. “I’m so sorry.” She manages to say, “I didn’t want you to blame yourself and… and I also don’t want to make you worry.” Seulgi pets her hair, “But I had to tell someone… I feel so helpless Seulgi, please don’t think bad things about me.”

Seulgi sighs, heart breaking into million pieces as she listens to the elder’s breakdown. Byulyi was wonderful, she was all the good things in the universe so why did the world had to be so merciless?

“It’s okay, unnie.” Seulgi tries to soothe the pain, “I’m here for you. It’s going to be okay. We’ll figure something out.”

Byulyi doesn’t answer but stops crying, letting Seulgi hold her.

“I’m sorry to say this but, unnie, first thing you’ll do is to return that expensive pen display you got for me.”

Byulyi shakes her head, looking her in the eyes. “No, Seulgi, it’s yours. It’s a gift.”

Seulgi wipes the tears away from her face, focusing into red, puffy eyes. “You can get me many more gifts after you get out of this situation, okay? For now, just take it back.”

Seulgi takes Byul’s face in her hands, feeling like she’s holding the entire world. Byulyi leans into the touch, sharing an intimate moment.

“Also, since you’ve been a rich kid all your life, you probably don’t know anything about being responsible with your money.” Seulgi states, “You have to move from that apartment, why are there so many rooms anyway? Also, sell your car if possible. Do you even have money for gas?”

“No…” Byulyi confirms, “But I’ll need it when I get a job.”

“Hmm,” Seulgi is lost in thought, “Okay, sell some of your expensive unnecessary bags or something.”

“But when I start working-”

“Unnie!” Seulgi warns, “You need money, alright? Also, get out of that apartment, I’m serious.”

“You’re right.” She says with a small voice, “I’ve been cocky, I was thinking that I could get a job soon and return to my luxurious life.”

“And you will.” Seulgi assures, “But as you might have noticed, getting a job these days isn’t so easy.”

Byulyi nods and looks like she’s waiting for Seulgi’s next words.

“Also, you suck at managing your money.” Seulgi says truthfully, “What do you mean you’ve been eating ramen for the past what, two weeks?”

“More than a month.”

“Oh my God, unnie.” Seulgi exclaims in disbelief, “You need to learn how to cook.”

“Been working on it.” Byulyi replies, sniffing, “I haven’t made much progress though.”

“You can ask Yongsun unnie again.”

Byulyi looks genuinely surprised at this. “I can?”

“I’m your girlfriend, not your puppet master.” Seulgi rolls her eyes, “And it’s good for you to have friends. Also, since she had struggled financially in the past she can help you.”

Byulyi nods a bit dumbly. “I can’t believe you solved all of this in five minutes.”

“Unnie,” Seulgi states with a playful smile, “Nerds like you can’t success in real life. That’s a known fact.”

Byulyi jabs her in the stomach. “That’s such a lie, I have you as a girlfriend.”

//

Two days pass with ease, the weight on her is less thanks to Seulgi. They looked for apartments close to her current neighborhood all weekend and managed to get a deal with a single bedroom apartment which got a pleasant view for one third of her current rent. Byulyi couldn’t believe how much of her own suffering was caused by her own incompetence. They even sold some of her designer bags she never even used for nearly the same price she bought it. Seulgi was surprisingly -and frighteningly- good at bargaining.

Somehow the petite girl barged once again in her life, fixing everything left and right. They are in the same car they were crying their hearts out and facing with the biggest strain on their relationship two days ago, this time there are smiles on their faces as Seulgi sings, sitting next to her.

“Sing with me Byulie!” She says, her hand is grasping the wind outside of her window. She looks ethereal.

Byulyi smiles blissfully and sings out loud with the worst voice she can force out of her throat to make Seulgi laugh. The girl beside her slaps her arm, giggling as she protests. “Don’t hide your beautiful voice like this unnie.”

Byulyi blushes and changes the topic quickly, turning the volume down to talk. “What are you planning to do after graduation?”

Seulgi whines and folds her arms. “Not you too. My mom presses me enough as it is.” She says, looking absently towards the horizon. “I’m going to apply to master’s degree here and there.”

“Where’s ‘here and there’? Have you thought of applying abroad?”

“Maybe… I’ve been talking to Wendy and you know how she is, always aiming high, almost the impossible.” She says with a sigh. Byulyi tries to ignore the jealousy rising inside her even though Wendy is one of the most flirtatious people she ever met in her life. “She’s trying to get me to apply to one of the best colleges in Art and Design which is in the States, but I know the result before even applying. They would never accept me anyway, so...”

Byulyi averts her eyes from the road for a second to catch the insecure expression on her girlfriend’s face. She holds Seulgi’s hand and squeezes it to give her a boost.

“It never harms anyone to apply. Who knows, they may get their pompous heads out of their asses and realize how you’re one of the best artist to walk on earth.” She says, proud of her girlfriend.

“Shut up and drive, unnie. I have a flight to catch and your fancy words aren’t helping.” Seulgi says, blushing all the way down to her neck yet not letting go of Byulyi’s hand. “And remember, this is the last time you will drive this fuel-eating monster until you get a job.”

Byulyi rolls her eyes. “Fine, fine.” She says with a fake sigh. “This is why I can’t have nice things.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, what do you guys think about seulgi and byulyi?


	7. Turning Point

Yongsun stares at the cash register blankly, her body there but mind scattered all over the place. She is feeling somewhat more relaxed than usual, with her school debt finally coming to an end as well as her final semester. She did it. She graduated.

Now she is another unemployed graduate among thousands of others. At least she can drop one of her jobs, releasing her work load a bit. She had decided that even though being a waitress was a good paying job, swollen feet and an aching back wasn’t worth it.

Hearing the bell that was attached to the door ring, she spoke in an automatic voice. “Welcome.”

Her night goes like this, without a sign from the blonde girl. What a boring day.

Maybe the girl is avoiding her. Maybe she is angry about the Seulgi incident. Maybe she has enough money to eat something else that actually has nutrient values.

Possibilities are endless like her shift.

The clock on the wall strikes twelve, the moon mocking her from the outside with a crescent smirk. She could be sleeping in her house right now, turning in her covers and delving into dreams but life had to force her to be miserable like this. Otherwise it wouldn’t be Kim Yongsun’s life, would it?

//  


Yongsun decides that she hates technology. What is the point of seeing when Byulyi was online when she wasn’t even texting her?

They never texted much to begin with but after Seulgi from Busan left, their conversations went from five to zero pretty quick, which was even low on a scale of 0 to 10.

Yongsun sighs as she sits down in front the bar, waiting for the barista, a guy named Minseok to get her her daily dose of caffeine. Maybe she should text first.

“One white chocolate mocha for the pretty singer with guy problems apparently.” He says, handing her the steaming cup with a teasing smile. “Is he not texting you?”

“It’s not a guy. It’s one of my friends.” She says setting her phone down to pick up the coffee. “I think she’s mad at me.”

“Why do you say that?” He says as he’s cleaning out various tools he used that day. They are closing soon after all.

“I might have been a blabber mouth and said something I shouldn’t have to someone who shouldn’t have known.” She explains poorly.

“That wasn’t vague at all, Yongsun-sshi.” He teases sarcastically. “Have you asked her yet? You know, if she’s even mad at all.”

“No…I didn’t.” Yongsun admits, picking up her phone with doubt once again. “Should I?”

“I don’t know why you would wait, actually.” He shrugs. “If she’s truly your friend, then you don’t have to hesitate before texting her.”

Yongsun nods but in her heart, there is still a shred of doubt. Were they close enough that she could message her randomly?

She shakes her head to pull herself together and unlocks her phone.

No messages.

Then she would write one.

**To: Ramen Girl,  23.34**

Hey, are you still mad at me?

She holds her breath, too nervous to look away from her phone for some reason. She was just a random person, why did she care so much?

Loneliness is doing weird things to her mind after all.

**Ramen Girl: Online**

Yongsun feels her heart beat much faster than normal to a point that she thinks maybe she needs to go and have a check up soon. The tiny letters on the screen tell her that Byulyi is typing and seconds later her message comes through.

**Ramen Girl**

Still? Mad?

For what?

Yongsun lets out a huge sigh in relief, feeling the guilt vanish away from her heart. She quickly replies.

**Kim Yongsun**

So if you weren’t mad, why aren’t you dropping by anymore?

**Ramen Girl**

 I didn’t need to shop?

I’m sorry, I’m just packing my house thses days

So I don’t really have enough time for anything

But ill try to stop by

Pinky promise ;)

Yongsun rolls her, although not able to stop her smile from spreading. She types a reply quickly, not wanting the other girl to go offline.

**Kim Yongsun**

Packing? Are you moving away?

Or are you finally bankrupt?

**Ramen Girl**

Hahahahaha

Fortunately no, I’m just moving to a smaller house a few streets ahead

Seulgi insisted

With violence…

**Kim Yongsun**

Oh, good luck with that

Anyways, I texted you to say I’m sorry

yknow for telling Seulgi about your unhealthy living conditions…

**Ramen Girl**

Geez you make me sound worse

But np, actually it was for the best even

She knows how to get me in line, how to fix me so

Thanks, I guess

Yongsun stares at her phone, her coffee long forgotten on the counter, she doesn’t know what to feel. Actually, no. She already feels things, but she doesn’t know why she’s feeling them and what to name them.

**Kim Yongsun**

But still, I shouldn't have interfered

I'm not in the position to tell her, it was a slip of a tongue I'm sorry

**Ramen Girl**

 Nah, it's alright

Good things came out of it

Don't worry

Even though Yongsun wants to ask what those good things were she feels like she shouldn't get involved with Byulyi's life more than she has. She herself doesn't know why she's keen on finding out as much as she can about Byulyi. She's afraid of asking too much and Byulyi thinking she's creepy.

**Kim Yongsun**

Well, that's good to know

Still come by to the shop when you have the time

I miss you, she had meant to type before she catches herself. What a stupid thought, why would she be missing her?

**Ramen Girl**

Will do, ma'am

So, I just realized that

 we never had another cooking lesson

Seulgi said that I should learn

how to cook and I can ask you

You up for it?

Yongsun finds it weird that the girl implied that she has Seulgi's permission. Was Seulgi her guardian?

**Kim Yongsun**

Sure

If we can set up a date, why not

Yongsun hears someone call her name, Minseok is smiling down at her with the café’s keys in his hands. “I’m glad you are finally texting your friend, but I don’t want to lock you in so, chop chop chop.”

//

Yongsun’s whole face lights up when she sees who had just came into the shop. The blonde is dressed casually, looking good in a white hoodie and black jeans.

“I heard you wanted me to come.” Byulyi greets her with a playful smile, “Here I am.”

Yongsun decides on not to give the Byulyi the satisfaction. “Nonsense, untrue. I don’t even know you.”

Byulyi laughs wholeheartedly. “That’s cold, unnie.”

Yongsun gives her a small smile, happy to see her again. “So, what have you been up to?”

“Packed all of my needed stuff.” Byulyi leans on the counter, “My new apartment is close by. So, I can still come here and annoy you.”

Yongsun feels happiness tug on her heart, filling it up as the feeling leaks inside. “That’s good to know.”

Yongsun is left admiring when Byulyi gives her a big grin. “But Seulgi forbid me to eat ramen every day, so…”

Yongsun is surprised at the mention of Seulgi’s name once again. She doesn’t understand the two’s relationship. They’re close enough for Seulgi to interfere in Byulyi’s life but not enough for Byul to tell Seulgi what’s going on? Yongsun’s worried that her slip of tongue caused a big problem with the two. But Byul had said everything was fine, hadn’t she?

“Oh… When do you want to continue your cooking lessons?”

“When I get settled in, I suppose? My apartment is full of boxes right now.”

Yongsun shrugs, “It’s fine by me.”

Byulyi nods for a second and then her eyes go large abruptly, as if she had just remembered something important. “Wait, unnie, you had your finals a few weeks before. That must mean you’ve graduated, right?”

Yongsun confirms her with a proud smile.

Byulyi’s eyes go soft, filled with affection. She gives her a thumps-up as she asks, “What did you do to celebrate?”

 “Uh, nothing.” Yongsun states frankly, she’s not really in the position to throw a party. Also, she doesn’t have close friends to attend.

“Aw, come on,” Byulyi insists, “You have to celebrate!”

Should Yongsun tell her that the biggest celebration for her was to let go of her job as a waitress?

“Here’s a thought,” Byulyi suggests, sitting on one of the chairs that’s for the customers and gesturing Yongsun to come closer, “Even though I would like to, I can’t organize a party. But, we can still do something.”

Yongsun has uncertainty on her face. She opens her mouth to protest as she approaches Byulyi. But she gets cut off by the blonde.

“Don’t say it isn’t necessary. How many times are you graduating university?” Byulyi replies persistently, “We can have a mini-celebration during our next cooking class. I’ll get the drinks and you’ll cook so it we will spend the least amount of money.”

Byulyi looks at her with begging, puppy eyes and Yongsun can’t find it in herself to say no.

//

“Unnie?”

Yongsun is in her mother’s funereal home, paying her respect with a silent prayer when she hears the distinct whisper. It’s a woman’s voice, echoing in the empty room even though the owner hadn’t mean to be loud.  She had figured she had to visit after graduating successfully. She pays no mind to the voice, waiting for someone else to shut down the disrespectful woman.

“Unnie? Yongsun unnie? Is that you?”

She turns around rapidly towards the voice which sounds familiar voice and is greeted by a short girl. She has a huge smile on her face, which looks inappropriate for a funereal home. Yongsun’s mouth parts with surprise as she recognizes the girl.

“Wheein-ah?”

The girl leans in for a hug, face still supporting the same smile from years ago. She and Yongsun had met in high school. They were in some clubs together and that made them to get closer. Even though, they haven’t stay in contact after Yongsun had finished high school, the older is pleased to see her again, even in such an unlikely place.

“How have you been? Wow, it’s been so long.” Yongsun says before she catches herself, it’s rude to talk in a funereal home. She eyes the area quickly, good thing they’re the only ones in the room.

“I’m alright.” Wheein answers, “I just got a job at a company so life’s been treating me well.”

“That’s great to hear.” Yongsun replies, not letting the ping of jealousy she feels control her words.

Wheein looks like she’s anticipating Yongsun to tell her how she’s doing but she stops herself before asking. “Ah, I’m sorry unnie, I’m so insensitive. You’re probably here because you’re paying your respect to someone.” She looks over to the shelf Yongsun’s standing and her eyes go comically large. “Your… I’m so sorry!”

Yongsun feels Wheein’s embarrassment and squeezes the younger’s shoulder, signaling her that it’s okay. “It’s been years, Wheein. Tell you what, give me your number and we can catch up on another day, okay?”

//

Yongsun is exhausted when she finally comes home, both physically and emotionally. Visiting her mom’s grave always does this to her, reminding her that not everyone lives a great or long lives. Some has theirs cut off short by a drunk driver or some have such conditions that they wish someone took their life already.

Yongsun doesn’t know how to feel about life most of the time. She is grateful that she is strong willed enough to go through her education without needing anyone else but at the same time whenever she looks at her own life from a third person’s perspective she can only feel sadness. 

Dropping the things in her hands on the floor, all she has energy for at that moment is to drag herself to her bed. Her nearly-antique bed creaks in protest, as if not only feeling the girl’s weight but also her existential burden. Yongsun sighs deeply, her hand blocking the stinging light of her bedroom from entering her eyes. She is so tired, tired of everything to be honest.

Just as she’s about to curl sideways and force herself to sleep because there is nothing else to do in that tiny box she calls home, her phone warbles from her bag which she left on the floor along with her energy to live.

Her initial thought is to ignore it and just go to sleep but the sound repeats itself a few more times, eliminating the suspicion of it being the bank or something as annoying as that.

Maybe, she thinks smiling, Byulyi is texting me.

Then her face morphs into a grim expression once again. Why did she care so much about a girl she just met about two months ago? Was she deprived of friendship that much?

Whining as she gets up, Yongsun reaches her bag and grabs her phone. She unlocks her phone to see that it is Wheein who texted her. She smiles warmly before opening her texts, glimpse of her high school years invading her memory.

**Wheein-ah**

Unnie! Hi! It’s Wheein

It’s been such a long time

And I’m sorry for disturbing your visit ._.

I was just really excited to see youuu

My favorite unnie

                **Kim Yongsun**

It’s okay ^^

So, when are you free?

Let’s meet up

**Wheein-ah**

I work from 9 to 5 during weekdays

But I’m free on weekends

**Kim Yongsun**

How about this saturday?

**Wheein-ah**

Great!!

Yongsun smiles fondly at the text message, content to find an old friend. Maybe they can get close again and that would stop Yongsun from being so dependent on Byulyi. The blonde is great, but she has a life on her own and Yongsun’s sick of waiting for her with hope during her night shifts.

She texts a bit more with the younger girl, catching up on all those years. She’s graduated and found a job, living a happy life. Yongsun wishes she can do the same soon.

//

“You look awfully chirpy today.”

Byulyi points out as soon as she walks in, catching her with a big smile on her face.

Yongsun sets her phone aside to greet the younger, only to hear her phone’s beeping sound again. “I’m texting someone.”

“Huh?” Yongsun doesn’t know what to make of the surprised look on Byulyi’s face. Does she look that lonely? “Who?”

“Just someone from high school.” Yongsun replies, “We recently ran into each other.”

“You look happy.” Byulyi states, lips curling up in a teasing smile. “Is he handsome?”

Yongsun gapes at Byulyi’s dumb thought, strangely disturbed by the idea of Byulyi thinking she’s texting a man. “No! It’s a girl, a dongsaeng.”

“I’m sorry,” Byulyi corrects herself, “Is she pretty then?”

“Don’t say weird things!” Yongsun scolds, “I said it’s a girl.”

A gloomy look passes on Byulyi’s face before her facial expression are neutral again. She smiles once again. “About the cooking thing, is Saturday okay?”

Yongsun gets excited for a moment before remembering her plans with Wheein. She thinks of canceling but shoos the thought away from her mind. There’s no reason for her to postpone her meeting for Byulyi.

“I’m meeting someone on Saturday.”

“Oh… Sunday then?” Byulyi suggests.

“Sure.” Yongsun’s happy to spend time with the blonde, not that she would ever admit it out loud.

“So…” Byulyi starts talking again, she has a glint of mischief in her eyes, “Are you meeting your dongsaeng?”

“I am.” Yongsun replies, not seeing where Byulyi is getting at.

“I can’t believe you got yourself a dongsaeng you like more than me.”

When Yongsun looks up to check Byul’s expression, she sees her leaning on the counter. She’s supporting her head with both of her hands and faking a pout.

No, she doesn’t like Wheein more than Byulyi. And no, she isn’t going to admit this.

“But, Byulyi,” She says with a serious expression, “I like everybody more than I like you.”

Byulyi clutches her hand on her heart upon hearing this, mimicking a hurt expression. She dramatically falls on the counter, closing her eyes. “I can’t believe you said that. You’ve killed me with your harsh words, you cruel woman.”

Yongsun giggles, breaking her role of not caring for a moment. “You’re so annoying.”

“Is that why you like your high school dongsaeng more?”

Yongsun sighs. “I don’t like her more. Here, are you happy?”

Byulyi looks a bit blank for a second, like she hadn’t expected Yongsun to admit it. But she awards Yongsun with a smile which makes her nose scrunch up. “See? That wasn’t so hard.”

Yongsun feels her face heat up with her open declaration of affection to Byulyi. “Shut up,” She says, trying to hide a smile, “Don’t you have someone else to annoy? Call your boyfriend.”

“My _boyfriend_ ,” Byulyi begins with her index finger on the air, “Is probably sleeping.”

A silence settles in between them. Yongsun realizes that she wants to know more about this side of Byulyi’s life. Like an uncomfortable itch, the curiosity is eating her mind. How was he like? Does Byulyi act cute to her boyfriend? She can’t imagine her doing that.

“What’s it like?” She asks, not being able to control her mouth.

“What’s what like?”

“Being in a relationship.”

“You know,” Byulyi begins but her words get cut up as she eyes Yongsun’s clueless expression, “Or… you don’t know?”

Yongsun shakes her head. She’s 26 and she has never been in a serious relationship. The thought didn’t really bother Yongsun until now, she never was that interested in someone.

“B-but, what about, oh...” Byulyi stumbles over her words, not being able to speak her mind properly, “How though?”

“What do you mean how?” Yongsun asks with confusion, “It just didn’t happen.”

“But you’re like, really pretty,” Byulyi reasons, “There should at least be one guy who, I don’t know, offered to buy you a drink.”

Yongsun gapes as she tries to calm herself after the compliment. “I mean, I had a few relationships in high school and freshman year of university. But I didn’t have something permanent. “She explains, “And relationships are hard to maintain when you work three jobs and try to keep up with school work.”

Byulyi dumbly nods, still with a quizzical expression on her face. “But, does that mean, uhm, forget it.”

“What?”

“Are you… uhm, that’s not an appropriate thing to ask, I’m sorry.”

All the confusion leaves Yongsun’s mind as she gets the meaning behind Byulyi’s words. Well, she can’t say she’s a virgin because she most certainly is not one. She had a few flings in high school, nothing too explicit. And it had finally happened during her first year in university, in a party, as cliché as it sounds.

The boy was a gentleman, he had treated her right during and afterwards but Yongsun didn’t quite like it. (She blamed her lack of orgasm to the boy’s clumsy hands, they were barely adults after all.) She didn’t dislike it either, sure but she had felt like something was missing. She had felt accomplished afterwards, like she could check it on her things-to-do-list. It was something she had done and moved on from. Of course, it happened a few times after too. But it was never the life-changing experience, so full of love and passion the movies made it out to be for Yongsun. But she had always thought that it was because her lack of attraction and affection for the men she had been with.

“I’m not.” Yongsun answers, not wanting Byulyi to misunderstand her.

She watches as the girl’s eyes wash over with realization and she nods. Licking her lips as she replies carefully, “Sorry.”

//

**Kim Yongsun**

And she said that we should celebrate

**Wheein-ah**

Unnie, don’t mind me for asking but

What is your relationship with this Byulyi girl?

I mean

We’ve been texting for two hours and you’ve been talking about her nonstop

Of course you can, I’m not trying to be rude

**Kim Yongsun**

Shes a friend??

**Wheein-ah**

I get it but…

**Kim Yongsun**

But what?

**Wheein-ah**

Let’s talk about this on saturday, ok?

//

“Unnie, here!”

Yongsun spots Wheein in the noisy coffee shop, smiling when they make eye contact.

She makes her way over to her table, sitting down after hugging the girl.

“Unnie,” Wheein starts, uncharacteristically serious, “There’s one thing you need to know. I really want to reconnect with you and be best friends at the end of the day. But if you can’t accept this about me, I don’t think that’s possible.”

Yongsun’s interest sparks up, wondering what it is so important. “What is it, Wheein-ah?”

Wheein takes a deep breath. “I have a girlfriend, unnie. I’m bi.”

Yongsun’s overwhelmed with shock. She hadn’t really encountered with _those_ kind of people before. Let alone sitting in a table with one. She hadn’t really thought much on them, just went along with what society told her so. But, she’s looking at Wheein now in the eyes and it’s the same girl as always. A dimple on the side of her mouth, brown hair, puppy-dog eyes… What is different about her now that she knows about her sexual orientation?

She swallows her first instinct to react harshly, to leave the table and transforms it into desire to try to understand the girl in front of her.

She picks her words carefully when she talks again. “I can’t say that I understand fully, but I’m willing to try. There’s not a part of you that had changed after you said those words so, that must mean I’ve loved you with all those aspects. That counts as something, right?”

Wheein gives her a look full of thankfulness. “Unnie, I’m glad you think like that. You don’t know how rare to find someone like you, someone willing to try.”

Yongsun feels empathy. “So, tell me about her.”

Even though she feels uncomfortable asking this, her heart aches at the younger’s bittersweet voice.

Wheein visibly cheers up, her usual smile returning to her face. “She’s amazing! Her name is Hyejin. We met at college and… and.. I’m rambling, aren’t I?”

“No, it’s okay.” Yongsun encourages, “I want to know.”

“I actually figured that I was into girls because of her.” Wheein explains, “I thought, you know, I wanted so hard to be friends with her. Then, I realized, I was constantly seeking for her company. It was kind of a problem really.”

Yongsun nods, gesturing her to continue talking.

“And then, I just wanted to be in her presence. I got so happy whenever I saw her, unnie, you can’t even imagine. And then one day, she had gone with her other friends to have lunch or something. I just felt so jealous, it was unexplainable. It was when I realized that this was more than a girl crush. It was romantic feelings.”

Yongsun fixes her gaze on the table, trying to digest the words she’s hearing. They sound awfully familiar yet distinct. Her mind goes to Byulyi as an instinct, but she immediately dismisses it without a second thought.

“That’s nice.” She answers, not knowing what to say. Then she asks another question about the girl’s girlfriend upon seeing Wheein’s disappointed face. “So, are you guys the same age?”

“Yeah, we are.” Wheein replies, “So, how’s life for you? You got your eye on someone?”

Yongsun gulps, trying not to think about her crazy thoughts. “No, not really.”

“Why? You’re so pretty.”

Yongsun feels herself looking at the girl with disgust for a second by instinct but shakes it off quickly. Don’t be stupid, she thinks to herself, Wheein has a girlfriend and she knows you’re straight.

“Ah,” She starts, “Byulyi said the same thing the other day.”

She is reminded of the blonde once again.

“Did she?” Wheein asks while taking a sip from her coffee, “So, tell me more about this Byulyi.”

“Oh…” Yongsun has a faint smile on her face. “She’s blonde. We met when she spilled ramen all over the floor of the convenience store I work in. She’s really clumsy.” She giggles, “She can’t even cook, can you believe that? She’s 25! She even asked me to teach her how to cook.”

Wheein looks at her like she knows a secret Yongsun doesn’t. “Really? How come?”

“She used to come every day to buy ramen, for God’s sake! Her parents were rich but for some reason they refuse to give her any money.” Yongsun explains despite herself, “So, she never learned how to make food. I mean, she said she used to have a cook in her house!”

Wheein nods, like she’s waiting for Yongsun to finish her words.

“But she doesn’t come as much anymore, because the other day, one of her friends came to her apartment all the way from Busan and saw her living conditions, needless to say, she was really angry with Byulyi and she taught her how to manage her money properly.” Yongsun hadn’t really realized how much she was dying to talk about this. “It was a bit weird, their friendship, I mean. She came in the middle of the night and had a key to her house. But she didn’t know about her financial problems. I accidentally told her friend and I noticed she was almost on the verge of tears. Why wasn’t she aware of this if they were so close? Also, she said she had been keeping an eye on Byulyi’s boyfriend. Isn’t that strange?”

“Strange indeed.” Wheein replies, a small smile on her face, “So, how is her boyfriend like?”

“Uh, I don’t know. She doesn’t talk about him much.” Yongsun shrugs, lost in thought, “They said he lives in Busan and looks really like Seulgi, Byulyi’s friend.”

“Oh, you didn’t see a picture of him?”

“No.” Yongsun says, “I should’ve?”

“I mean, I would be curious,” says Wheein, taking a sip of her coffee again, then she furrows her eyebrows, “Wait, you said she came in the middle of the night. Did Byulyi tell you that?”

“No, I was there.”

“You were?” Wheein’s eyes widen with surprise, “What for?”

“I was teaching her how to cook.”

What was with the questions?

“In the middle of the night?”

“I-I’m a busy person.” Yongsun reasons, “I mean, isn’t it normal for friends to be around each other?”

“Sure.” Despite her words Wheein doesn’t look so convinced, one eyebrow lifting up. “She sounds like a wonderful person, unnie.”

“She is.” Yongsun admits, smiling, “I wouldn’t admit that to her though.”

After approximately one and a half hours of talking it’s time for Wheein to go home, since she had said she has a dinner date with her girlfriend, Hyejin.

 “Unnie, let’s do this again sometime.” They hug and Wheein gives her shoulder a squeeze. “And if you ever have questions you can call me, I’ll be more than happy to help you.”

“Questions?” Yongsun repeats, not understanding, “About what?”

Wheein smiles mysteriously, tilting her head to the side slightly. “I’m sure you’ll know soon.”

That’s such a weird thing to say, Yongsun thinks, what’s with people these days?

//

Yongsun goes home to emptiness, her bed being the only think that’s waiting for her. Now that she’s all alone, she’s finally faced with her thoughts. Can they be real? Or is it just the extreme loneliness she feels?

How come she hadn’t noticed it before then? No matter how much she thinks about it none of her explanations make coherent thoughts. She can’t confirm or deny the accusation she had directed towards herself and it’s making her crazy. How can she not know something this fundamental about herself?

She has trouble falling asleep that night.

//

Byulyi comes to her house with many cans of beer and coke and stupid bright green party hats with the words ‘Happy Birthday’ written on them. Slightly off topic, but she’ll take what she can get. She smiles sheepishly as she explains that those were the only one she had managed to find in a hurry. She also presents her a cake and looks visibly shy afterwards.

“Did you make this?” Yongsun inquires, not believing the girl made so much effort to make her content.

“Uh, yeah,” Byulyi explains, “I mean, I tried. Uh, it has a bunny on it. That… thing is supposed to be a bunny.”

Yongsun can’t stop a huge smile grow on her face, carefully setting the cake on the table and turning to Byulyi. “Thank you.” She says simply, she’s not able to convey her intimate thoughts properly into words. Instead she leans in gently, as if to ask for permission and pulls her into a hug when Byulyi doesn’t protest.

It doesn’t last for long but Yongsun’s heart is beating rapidly in her ribcage, threating to break free. She stares into Byul’s eyes for a second that feels so much longer than normal after the blonde detangles herself from her and finds answers to some of the questions she has in her mind.

“You’re really kind.” She breathes out, scared of the other girl to somehow hearing her thoughts. “I can’t help but…”

She sees Byulyi gulp and take a step back. “You can’t help but what?”

Yongsun herself doesn’t know how that sentence was going to end so she plays it safe. “I can’t help but think you’re planning something.”

Byulyi laughs, shaking her head abruptly. “No, not today. It’s your day after all.” She hands her a plastic bag, “Here, I got you a gift.”

Yongsun’s once again surprised by something Moon Byulyi did. She receives the gift, treasuring it already. She tears the package open and sees what’s inside.

Yongsun stares dumbly at the book in her hands. It’s an old one, its pages used and yellow yet it’s looking back at her with so many stories.

“Uh, I don’t have enough money to buy something fancy but…” Byulyi tries to explain, taking Yongsun’s lack of response as dissatisfaction, “It’s one of my favorites, I’ve had it since I was like twelve. There’s a note attached to the fist page too! And, I’ve marked all my favorite scenes, in case you want to talk about them… Yongsun?”

The older is trying to remember the last time she had received a gift so thoughtful from someone.

She doesn’t.

So, she takes all the love she has built up in her throat and gulps, meeting Byulyi’s eyes again. They’re so warm, filled with everything Yongsun had been longing for.

“I love it.” She blurts out, the lightness of her words doesn’t do justice to the joy she’s feeling. She’s so overwhelmed with emotions that she barely can talk.

Byulyi grins, “I’m glad, unnie.”

//

_To our Yongsun unnie,_

_I know we haven’t known each other for that long but I want to say that I’m proud of you for graduating. I’m glad I had met you. Let’s find good jobs together!!_

_-Byulyi_

Yongsun comes to a decision as she reads and reads and reads Byulyi’s note late at night, hours after their little celebration had ended. She takes her phone and finds a particular name in her contacts, finally figuring out what she needed to about herself.

**Kim Yongsun**

Don’t ask why but

Tell me, how did you fall for your girlfriend?

**Wheein-ah**

Why are you asking ^^

**Kim Yongsun**

I think I need a little bit of advice…

**Wheein-ah**

About the Byulyi girl, right?

Gotcha ;)

 

 

 


	8. Futile Resistance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey, welldonedragon here! I finally have my laptop and took the turn to upload! 
> 
> I missed this story, finding time to write is becoming harder as we get further into the semester. We will not leave this ff so bear with our inconsistent schedule.
> 
> I hope you all like this chapter, I am writing the next one as we speak -or I write and you read?- I hope I can finish it tonight. 
> 
> btw I'm listening to a new group I've found while writing (I found one of their songs while searching for EXO's The Eve, so guilty of weebing) and I reccomend them!! Belle & Sebastian. Go check out. If you wanna. Yeah ._.
> 
> Enjoy!

Yongsun is in a bit of a situation.

She takes her steaming cup of coffee in her hands, fixing her gaze shyly to the ground. The younger girls sit across from her, both giving her a devilish grin. What was it about couples resembling each other?

“So, unnie,” Hyejin starts after they introduce themselves to each other, “I hear you’re… in need of our help.”

She had met Hyejin just minutes ago, yet she’s surprised by her forwardness. Yongsun gulps, not in a rush to admit her problem.

“She is.” It’s Wheein who answers behalf of her, “She’s a bit timid about this, understandably.”

Yongsun feels like a kid with a cold, waiting uncomfortably as she listens her mom explain the symptoms to the doctor. She nods and finally speaks. She the oldest here, isn’t she?

“There’s this… particular girl.” She explains clumsily, “I don’t believe I like girls as a whole… I probably just want to be friends with her and I’m feeling this way because I’ve been alone for so long. I shouldn’t have met you two. I- I don’t-”

Her hopeless monologue gets cut off by Wheein’s loud sigh. “I understand what you’re feeling, I really do. But, unnie, please try to be a little bit cooperative.”

Yongsun shuts up at that, nodding once again.

“Okay,” Hyejin takes control of the situation, “I think it’s safe to say that you have some kind of liking towards this girl, right? Be it platonic or not.”

“…Yes?”

“Please describe it to me, what’s it like? What do you feel when you see her, or when you can’t see her?”

“Uh,” Yongsun blanks out for a second, trying to recall what does Byulyi’s company feel like, “It’s like… nice? I really like being with her. I look for her company when she’s not with me. But, I don’t know, isn’t this normal between friends?”

“It is.” Wheein assures, “What’s not normal between friends is... unnie, you can’t see yourself but when you talk about her you seem like you’re in a different world.”

Yongsun huffs, “I don’t know! I can’t name this stupid feeling.”

“It’s okay.” Wheein says, “You can’t understand it in a millisecond and that’s natural. Just relax, okay? We’re not here to stress you out.”

“We’re here to help.” Hyejin butts in, “I’m sorry we can’t figure it out for you, that’s something you should do. I know this is all confusing and scary but don’t worry, it’s all going to work out in the end.”

Yongsun takes her head between her hands, only now truly feeling the overwhelming parade of feelings she’s been experiencing. It had felt good to admit her true thoughts, but it was also making her delirious, uncertainty of the situation consuming her.

She feels a hand on her shoulder and when she looks up, it’s Wheein smiling at her. “We’re here.”

Yongsun smiles back at her, liking the way the younger girl is assuring her. “Now,” She starts more confidently, “What to do?”

“If you want my opinion,” Wheein says as she sips her drink, “I’d say maybe don’t talk to this Byulyi for a while and see what happens.”

Yongsun makes a mental note and realizes this is so not going to be easy.

 

* * *

 

She succeeds.

For two days until Byulyi texts her, saying she has great news.

**Byul-ah**

Heyheyhey

Guess what??

**Kim Yongsun**

What? O.o

**Byul-ah**

I GOT A JOB!!

She tries, really tries but gives in to the urge at last. Yongsun doesn’t mind the skipping in her heart as she presses the call button.

It doesn’t even ring before Byulyi picks it up. “Unnie?”

“Really?” Yongsun beams with excitement, “That’s great. I’m so happy for you, Byul-ah.”

Byul answers with the same enthusiastic tone. “It’s a good company as well. Ah, I was so stressed out.”

“I’m glad!”

“So, unnie,” Byulyi begins, “If I didn’t die out of stress for the past month, you have a lot contribution to that. Let me buy you dinner or lunch sometime, okay?”

Yongsun freezes. What in the world is happening? Was it like a date? Yongsun scolds herself as she shoos the thought away.

_She has a boyfriend you idiot, she probably doesn’t even like girls._

“Uhm, yeah, sure.” Yongsun answers weakly.

“Great.” Byulyi giggles, “I was going to call Seulgi so…”

Yongsun gets what she means and gets angry at herself once again. How dare she call Byulyi to hear her voice when she’s supposed to be avoiding her? And, most embarrassingly, the younger woman clearly doesn’t share the same desire as her since she’s so keen on calling Seulgi.

“Sure, goodbye, Byul-ah.”

 

* * *

 

Existence is a prison and the earth is hell.

At least that’s what Yongsun thinks, waiting hopelessly for Byul to come. But she never does, until approximately eleven days later, when she’s arranging the shelves in the hurry to do something.

She knows she should keep her pace in order to sort her true feelings out but damn it, she had missed Byulyi. After not seeing or talking to her for more than a week, she just wants to take Byul in her arms and hug her.  Which is seriously weird, since they don’t touch each other quite frequently.

“Unnie?” Byulyi tries to attract her attention, “What’s with the expression? What are you thinking about so hard?”

Yongsun acts as if she had just noticed her presence, caught up in her work. “Ah, Byulyi? When did you come in?”

Now that she’s looking at her fully, she once again remembers how good the younger looks in a simple white shirt and a black suit. Her new job must be fancy. Taking the sight in, she gulps without noticing.

“Nothing… just, shelves.”

“I’ll believe that for now.” Byulyi smiles down at her, “So, you missed me?”

Yes, Yongsun thinks.

“No!” Yongsun says.

Byulyi pouts, mouth curling adorably. “Ah, why?”

Yongsun shrugs. Maybe it’s because you neither called nor texted during the last week, she catches herself think bitterly. She shakes her head, not wanting to think incoherent thoughts like that.

Seeing her not respond, Byulyi continues, “Aw, here I thought I could buy you dinner today. But, okay, if you don’t want to…”

Yongsun wants to throw herself in the Han river and float forever but all she does is to nod her head enthusiastically. “Of course, I didn't forget your promise to buy me dinner. Count me in.” She says as she curses herself mentally. She was supposed to be staying away from Byulyi, testing herself and emotions but this lack of self-restraint is also an answer to her burning question.

“Perfect! What time does your shift end?” Byulyi asks checking her watch, nowadays her expensive accessories don't look out of place.

“You're lucky Byul-ah, I took the earlier shift today, so I should be done in forty minutes.” Yongsun says, as she’s organizing the dairy shelf. “You don't have to wait here, go and rest in your home. I'll be here.”

“I could use a shower and a change of clothes.” Byulyi ponders for a moment. After a few seconds, she smiles up to her, having made her decision. “Okay then, I will go home and do some stuff. I'll meet you here in forty minutes.”

As the blonde makes a move towards the door, something suddenly crosses Yongsun's mind. “Wait! Byul-ah! Where are we going? Is it fancy? What is the dress code?”

“Don't worry, unnie. It's a casual, young adult type of restaurant. You look fine.” She says getting out. “See ya!”

All Yongsun can do after that is to hold her face in her palms and scream. This is not helping her emotional state at all.

When she finally gets herself together, she picks up her phone with mildly shaky hands to call her guiding guardian angel, Wheein. The phone rings for a few times before a breathy Wheein picks up.

“Unnie?” She says, wind is evident from the sounds. She must be running.

“Wheein-ah, I managed to get myself into a situation which is best described as a… clusterfuck.” Yongsun says slumping down on her chair behind the counter. “Byulyi came by ten minutes ago.”

Wheein sighs. “What did you do?”

Yongsun bites her lower lip in shame. “I accepted her dinner offer.”

There is a short silence that follows, only Wheein’s short breaths fill their phone call. “Unnie… I don’t know whether to be happy for or furious with you.” She says tiredly. “You are still not so sure of yourself, but you have to consider the big probability that you like this Byulyi person romantically and spending even more time with her will only hurt you. You said it yourself, she has a boyfriend and the best-case scenario is that she’s bi. But that doesn’t change the fact that she is in a relationship.”

Yongsun nods her head, not finding in herself to voice her agreement. Somehow, not hearing herself say it makes it hurt less. Not saying anything helps her guilty consciousness to gaze at Byulyi’s radiating presence easily.

“I’m getting more and more sure of what is the case with me but something in me refuses to even hear about it.” Yongsun says quietly. “I can’t come to the terms with the fact that I might be a… y’know.”

She hears Wheein hum in agreement. “I went through the same thing unnie. I denied it for an entire year. I was nearly going crazy with my own thoughts.” She says with a shudder. “But even refusing to say the term will make it more difficult for you. Let your mind normalize being yourself. Otherwise you will become a stranger to yourself.”

Yongsun sighs deeply, how can she accept it when she can’t even say it out loud.

“You’re right, Wheein-ah.” She agrees. What else is there to do? “Look, I have to hang up now. I’ll call you when I go home. Wish me luck… I guess.”

 

* * *

 

“So, I told him to mind his own business or I would file a complaint.” Says Byulyi, uninterestedly stirring her drink with its straw. When Yongsun doesn’t respond with anything other than a polite smile, Byulyi sighs. “Unnie, is there something wrong? You haven’t said more than ten words since we got here and I’m scraping the bottom of the barrel to find a topic.”

Yongsun guiltily averts her gaze for the nth time that day, feeling like she was doing something inappropriate whenever she looked at the younger girl. “It’s just that, I haven’t been that… lively these days. I have a few issues I need to deal with, about myself mostly.” Yongsun says picking up a fry. “I’m sorry that I’m ruining this dinner. I’ll make it up to you.”

Byul dismisses her with the wave of her hand. “Nonsense. You’re not ruining anything. I was just concerned about you.” She says with a sincere look in her eye. “Is there anything I can do to help you with those… issues?”

Yongsun shakes her head, trying not to smile bitterly at the irony. “No, I have to face these alone but thank you for offering.” She says as she searches her mind for a change of topic. “So, I realized the other day that I don’t even know the name of your boyfriend, let alone his face.”

Byulyi looks taken aback with the sudden change for a second, Yongsun thinks she might have overstepped their boundaries. Just as she’s about to apologize and take it back, Byulyi smiles and gets her phone out of her pocket. After going through what Yongsun assumes to be her photo gallery, she holds it out for Yongsun to see.

The first thing Yongsun think is ‘pretty’ when she sees the picture. It’s taken in a beach, obviously summer time and she assumes they are in Busan. Byulyi is wearing a semi-transparent, striped summer dress which shows the outline of her bathing suit yet is pretty modest at the same time. Her arm is around the shoulders of a young man, who smiles brightly at Byulyi. They look more friendly than romantically involved but maybe that shows how comfortable they are with their relationship.

Just as Yongsun is taking in every detail of a sun-kissed, worry-free Byulyi, the girl in question takes her phone back with a smile that seems a bit less sincere than her usual ones.

“His name is Min Hyuk. We met abroad three years ago, and we’ve been dating since.” Byulyi says, locking her phone and putting it away.

“He seems… nice.” Is all Yongsun manages to say. Her throat gets stuck and she can’t find it in herself to ask more about them. Knowing that ‘Byulyi’s boyfriend in Busan’ had a real name and a face to go with it, really struck a blow to her heart.

Of course, logically, she knew he was a real person even before seeing or hearing that but somehow her idiotic heart ignored that fact and hoped for it to be false.

Too bad reality wasn’t shaped to her heart’s desires.

When the silence between them grew once more, Yongsun changed the topic to her reuniting with Wheein. She told their high school stories with exaggeration just to silence out that voice in her head that screamed her the inevitable truth.

She likes Moon Byulyi and quite possibly other girls too. That is who she is, and she has no way of running away.

Rest of the night go with ease on the surface and with slowly conducted torture on the inside.

All Yongsun wants to do when she finally gets home is to scream in her pillow. Just as she’s about to get out of Byulyi’s car when they made it to her doorstep, Byulyi reaches to her seat and hugs her.

“We should do this again unnie! I missed hanging out with you.” She says kissing both of her cheeks. Yongsun can’t even pretend to be okay. All she does is mumble an ‘okay’ with the reddest cheeks possible and stumble outside.

After that there is no more doubt in Yongsun’s head that she is into girls and if Byulyi asks her to hang out again, she has absolutely no power to say no.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your resistance to the Inevitable Sapphoic Power of Moon Byulyi is futile, Kim Yong Sun!!
> 
> I'll see myself out thnx


	9. Separation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello people! welldonedragon here again, just wanted to give a quick update, we both have a lot of classes right now so updates may slow down some more :(
> 
> bear with us pls ._.

Byulyi is having the best time she’s had for a while.

She’s so thankful for not having to think twice before buying a cup of fancy coffee that she doesn’t have it in herself to whine about her long office hours.

Apparently, it’s true that a person can’t fully appreciate simple things in life -things that had been offered to them since the very beginning with a silver plate- before they lose them.

The company she works at is one the big ones, it is a company that when mentioned gets a recognition with an envious response - _I wish my son could land a job there too, dear_ _~_ \- The building not being very far from her apartment which makes her think that maybe it was a good thing she had suffered, if that meant to get this job.

She puts on her employer identity proudly as if she’s showing off a trophy and goes to work. Her days goes uneventful, and she goes to the convenience store afterwards, like she had been doing for the past few months. She wonders how job hunting is going for the older woman. The world is cruel and doesn’t usually make exceptions for those who work honestly rather than cheating. Oh well, she can’t change how the world spins by herself, she thinks as she catches the store’s neon lights sight. Her worries melt away as she skips towards it.

“Unniiee!” She sing-songs as she steps inside the shop.

She finds Yongsun sulking and gets confused immediately.

“What is it? Are you hurt? Did something happen?” She fumbles over Yongsun, “Did someone say something? A bad customer? Did they leave?”

Yongsun looks equally confused as her, lifting her head up to give Byulyi a quizzical look. “What? I’m fine.”

Still, Byulyi has a hard time believing her. “Then why do you look so sad?”

“It’s…” Yongsun starts but furrows her brows as if she can’t form a coherent sentence. “Complicated.”

Byulyi’s eyebrows shoot up, ready to hear some juicy details about Yongsun’s life. “Is it? Tell me, I’ll understand.”

Yongsun looks uncomfortable so Byulyi decides on not pushing anymore further but an idea suddenly comes to her and she gasps. “Do you have someone you like?”

Yongsun’s lips part with shock and she averts her gaze, suddenly finding the sale on sliced bread so interesting. A tint of pink spreads all over her face and Byulyi understands that her theory is in fact true.

“W-Where did you come up with that?” Yongsun protests weakly, although her crimson coloured face gives her away.

“Unnie?” Byulyi asks cautiously, “Who is it?”

She discovers that she’s not really in love with the idea of Yongsun being in a relationship with an unknown man. Could whoever it was take care of Yongsun well? The older woman is mature, smart, beautiful and so on but at the same time, she cracks her neck whenever she gets too excited and starts jumping around, laughs too hard and embarrasses herself on the streets, does random dance moves when cooking… Can she find someone who can appreciate all those little, cute details? Byulyi thinks that Yongsun’s one of a kind. She has this strange urge to protect her at all costs, take care of her.

“It’s…” Yongsun speaks slowly, as if she’s debating to let a secret out, “Just someone.”

“Ha!” Byulyi exclaims, “So, it is true.”

She misses the dark look that passes on Yongsun’s face.

“Yeah… It’s true.”

 

* * *

 

 

Yongsun feels more and more helpless each passing day. This feeling she has towards Byulyi had bloomed, turned into a beautiful rose within her heart, all red, and if Yongsun tried to pick it out of where it belongs she would bleed all over.

So, she waits.

She thinks If she ignores it enough, it would go away, getting lost somewhere with her dignity and hope during one of Byulyi’s phone calls with her boyfriend.

The bitter truth is, it doesn’t.

The feeling still sits comfortable in her heart even after months, all in its glory.  It doesn’t really help that Byulyi doesn’t stop bothering her after finding out she likes someone.

That dumb rascal.

So, she sits in one of the tables that’s located at the back of the coffee shop and waits for Wheein to come and give her the pep talk of the week. ‘You can get over her, it’ll go away, stop worrying so much.’

They all turn out to be false anyway but pretending makes her feel a tad bit better about her situation.

“How are you today?” Wheein asks when she finally comes, her eyes supporting sympathy.

Yongsun sighs in return. Wheein very well knows how things are going for her. The younger her a pat on the back and sits across from her. “Maybe we should set you up with someone.”

Yongsun whines in protest. “I don’t want anyone else!”

“You know, you won’t get over her if you keep thinking about her. Plus, I know some girls who would date you in a heartbeat. What do you say?”

“I appreciate the thought Wheein, but I’m not ready for this yet.” Yongsun refuses. The idea of getting over Byulyi looks inviting, but Yongsun feels like she doesn’t really want to do that. Byulyi is gentle, genuinely nice and caring. Who else better than Byulyi Yongsun can find to love? So, she’s half content in her misery by watching Byulyi smile. She’s happy to see her love someone, even though it’s not her. And the most important of all, just having midnight conversations with her is enough for Yongsun for now.

Although, fate works in funniest ways. Yongsun had gotten that dozens of times already but this time, it comes in the most effective, shocking way possible.

Kang Seulgi steps into the coffee shop, carrying a backpack which looks full. What is the girl doing here? Did she come from Busan to visit Byulyi?

Yongsun doesn’t know what possessed her to swiftly hide in her seat  instead of going up to the younger girl who’s now seated in the booth which is next to theirs. Yongsun is thankful for the private concept of the café, she can see the girl if she tries but Seulgi probably won’t notice her.   Wheein looks at her with a confused expression, like she’s now sure that Yongsun had gone crazy.

Yongsun mouths the words “That’s Seulgi.” And points to the table of the art major.

“Who?” Wheein looks like she’s about to get up and exit the coffee shop, leaving Yongsun in this awkward position.

“You know, Byul’s friend Seulgi.”

Wheein’s face lights up with recognition and she nods. “Ah, that one. Then why are you hiding?”

“Be- Ohmygod.”

Yongsun watches as Byulyi enters the shop, face looking tired as she loosens her tie. She must be coming straight from work. A big grin takes over her face as she spots Seulgi, she heads to her direction.

She looks fine in that suit, Yongsun thinks to herself, that damn woman and her appeal.

Yongsun knows if she wants to show herself and say hi, now’s the time. But some crazy voice in her head tells her that she should wait, something’s fishy with these two.

So, she pokes Wheein, who’s very well aware that it’s Byulyi from the endless pictures Yongsun had shown her, to make sure the girl stays hidden alongside her.

“Hi, unnie.” Seulgi starts with a small voice, Yongsun can see that Byulyi goes in for a hug. After a long and intimate embrace, they let go of each other.

Weird, Yongsun thinks, they haven’t been apart for that long.

“Seul-ah.” Byulyi is practically beaming, “You should’ve told me you’re visiting. Now that I’ve got some sweet 9-to-5 money, I would take you out to dinner.”

Yongsun hears Seulgi giggle slowly. “I’m glad, Byulie.”

How close they must be for Seulgi to address Byul so casually like that? The girl is younger than her, where is this intimacy coming from?

“So…” Byulyi starts again, taking Seulgi’s hand on the table, she appears to be massaging it. Yongsun’s brows raise further. “How long will you be staying? I’ve missed you so much.”

Seulgi gulps, trying not to meet Byulyi’s eyes. “I won’t stay.”

Byulyi is left confused, Yongsun can see her shoulders tense. “What do you mean?”

Seulgi takes a deep breath, squeezing Byulyi’s hand as if to look for support. “I don’t know if there’s a good way to say this.”

“Now you’re making me nervous, babe.” Byulyi says, chuckling as if to build up a protective wall around herself.

Yongsun’s mouth parts with an inaudible gasp. What did Byulyi call Seulgi just now? Her mind immediately gets swarmed with flashbacks and connections. Surely, what she’s thinking cannot be true. Surely, Byul is just a greasy person who flirts with everyone casually and jokingly. Her own logic is battling against her heart in that second.

“Unnie,” Seulgi starts, “You know I love you so much right? I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone.”

“Me too.” Byulyi says cautiously, “I feel like you’re either going to say something very good or terrible.”

“I got accepted into that school I mentioned, the one in the States.”

Byulyi smiles big, eyes turning into crescents. “That’s great! Isn’t it only for two years? I’ll wait for you just like you did for me.”

 Seulgi looks down. “That’s the thing… You know our relationship can’t survive two more years of not seeing each other for months.”

“Are you saying that we should…” Byulyi’s voice trails off, worry flickering in her eyes.

“Yes.” Seulgi forces the word out of her mouth, her face shadowed with sadness. “I’m sorry.”

“No, no, no!” Byulyi begs, “We’ll make it work, you’ll see. We’ve always done it.”

Yongsun is numb from all the unlikely information she’s getting.

Seulgi takes Byul’s face in her hands, forcing her to look her in the eye. “We’ve been drifting apart, you know that. You’re someone I care about very deeply, I love you. If we keep this up, we’ll end up hating each other. I’m holding you back from finding someone who’s compatible with your life and your personality.“

Byulyi holds the hands surrounding her face, looking as helpless as a nightingale in a cage, flipping her wings with disbelief only to be met with the cold, harsh truth of the metal bars. “We’ve been drifting apart but… we can fix it! I’m sure of it. I love you and you lo-”

A finger on her lips shushes her, as well as Seulgi looking at her meaningfully. “We can’t fix it when I’m away.”

Byulyi tries again, her voice is full of denial. “Then, I’ll come with you! I can live in the States, I’ve done it before.”

Seulgi squeezes her hands and smiles bitterly. “You just found a job, and no one knows more than me that you get homesick a lot. I can’t ask this of you and I can’t accept it even if it comes from you.”

Byulyi takes her hands back and leans back, defeated as one can be. Her facial expression turns dark with a thought. “Is there someone else? Is it Wendy?”

Seulgi’s eyes widen with shock and disappointment. “Am I even talking to the same Byulie that I’ve been dating for years now? Is she here at all? Do you hear what you’re saying? The audacity…” She says looking out the window, her expression tells that she’s about to cry, barely holding back. “You know me and you know Wendy. I know that you know I would never do that to you. I didn’t accuse you with Yongsun-unnie and I expect the same respect from you.”

Yongsun gets startled by the mention of her name. Was she ever an obstacle between them? She felt guilt settle in her stomach, did she ruin their relationship?

Byulyi hangs her head low in shame and covers her face with her hands. “I’m sorry, I’m not handling this like an adult. I just… I can’t come to terms with it. I just can’t.” She says, her voice is muffled a bit. “I know you would never cheat on me, I’m just being an asshole. I’m sorry.”

There is a silence that follows, Yongsun can almost hear their hearts shattering in the short breaths that they both take in. Her soul sheds a tear for the two, the sadness is so evident around them, it is almost suffocating.

After five more minutes of absolute silence filled with meaningless coffee shop music, Seulgi clears her throat as if to choke back her broken voice. “I am going to take a plane there tonight to find myself an apartment to rent and all that. The program starts in two months, I will come back in a week to pack my stuff. I will see you once again before I leave and I want a promise from you unnie.” She says finally making eye contact with Byulyi. “I want you to stay my friend for the rest of my life. I don’t want to be the long-distance girlfriend who clogs your river of faith but that doesn’t mean that I am willing to lose my best friend. Let me be a friendly rain that feeds your waters rather than a rock that slows it down.”

Byulyi lets go at that moment, tears flow freely on her cheeks. “How can I ever say no to that? What makes you think that I can even imagine my life without you?” She says, hiccupping along the way. “I promise, Seulgi, you will never lose me.”

Seulgi reaches from her seat to wipe the older girl’s tears. “Thank you.” She says, caressing the other’s cheek. Then she gets up suddenly, making Yongsun hide more into her seat. “I don’t want this day to be full of tears. Come on unnie! Let’s go on our last date. We will end this era in our relationship with laughs and smiles.”

And with that a sniffling Byulyi holds the hand of a determined Seulgi, leaving the shocked faces of Yongsun and Wheein behind them.

Wheein is the first to disturb their silence. “That was… unexpected and heart-breaking.”

Yongsun turns to her, burying her face in her palms as she tries to decide what to feel. “So, she likes girls.”

Wheein groans in protest. “Oh my god, unnie.”  She pauses for a second before taking a loud sip of her drink and raising her eyebrows. “But, yes, apparently she does.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dun Dun DUN 
> 
> hope you enjoyed it :3
> 
> I hope we can write the next chapter soon, but for now,  we'll see you guys later!


	10. An ending, a beginning

Byulyi groans as she types furiously on her computer, wishing everything to go back to fine once again. She hadn’t expected her day to progress that badly but apparently there had been a confusion in the PR department and also there was this tension with the company they were trying to sign a deal with. All this just means more work for Byulyi.

In the middle of all the craziness, she gets a phone call which makes her mood lift up all by itself.

“Seul?”

“Unnie, hi.”

She had missed the younger girl so hearing her voice after a long day is like a medicine.

She sighs, remembering the work she has to do. “What’s up?”

“I’m coming to Seoul, unnie.” Seulgi explains quickly as if she needs to hang up and run some errands, “I’ll wait for you at that café down the street of your apartment, okay? Now I have to go, I need to catch my flight.”

Even if she’s surprised by the way the phone call is cut short for some reason, Byulyi doesn’t mind. It’s like the younger woman can ease all her worries within a 20-second-long phone call. To see Seulgi again will be great, Byulyi wonders why didn’t she tell that she’s coming sooner. Byulyi could plan a nice date now that she has money.

She feels excitement creep on her, making the rest of the day go smoothly no matter how much work she had to do.

When she finally sees Seulgi’s face in the café, there’s a carnival in her heart. Happiness and excitement evident on her face.

As soon as Seulgi mumbles, “Hi, unnie.” with a small smile, Byulyi throws herself at Seulgi’s waiting arms. Even though she can’t dare for more than a hug in public, she’s happy to be in Seulgi’s warm embrace once again.

“Seul-ah.” Byulyi starts with a huge grin, she wants to brag a little to her girlfriend, “You should’ve told me you’re visiting. Now that I’ve got some sweet 9-to-5 money, I would take you out to dinner.”

Seulgi gives a light giggle, eyes filled with love and something else Byulyi can’t quite name. “I’m glad Byulie.”

Byul smiles at the intimate nickname, she looks over to Seulgi’s face, devouring Seulgi’s beauty. “So,” She says, taking Seulgi’s hand, “How long will you be staying? I’ve missed you so much.”

“I won’t stay.”

Byulyi is confused by the girl’s reply. All her five senses tell her that something’s wrong. Why would she come all the way here if she won’t be staying? “What do you mean?”

Seulgi takes a deep breath, her eyes flicker as if she’s afraid of her own words. She reaches forward, squeezing Byulyi’s hand as if to look for support. “I don’t know if there’s a good way to say this.”

“Now you’re making me nervous, babe.” Byulyi says, chuckling nervously, building a wall in front of her to lessen the damage of the incoming emotional confrontation. Every media on earth prepared her for this exact moment, the weight of the words spoken by Seulgi hangs in the air. They both feel the storm coming.

“Unnie,” Seulgi starts, her words are piling up in her throat, Byulyi knows. “You know I love you so much right? I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone.”

“Me too.” Byulyi says cautiously, she somehow gets goosebumps. “I feel like you’re either going to say something very good or terrible.”

“I got accepted into that school I mentioned, the one in the States.”

Byulyi smiles big, eyes turning into crescents and cries deep inside, her heart shattering to pieces. “That’s great! Isn’t it only for two years? I’ll wait for you just like you did for me.”

Seulgi looks down, Byulyi knows how their conversation will play out. She had known for months but she still holds on to the veil of ignorance and temporary bliss. “That’s the thing… You know our relationship can’t survive two more years of not seeing each other for months.”

“Are you saying that we should…” Byulyi’s voice trails off, she knows she’s acting like she never thought of the inevitable.

“Yes.” Seulgi forces the word out of her mouth, her face shadowed with sadness and the bitter taste of the truth. “I’m sorry.”

“No, no, no!” Byulyi begs, she wonders how this hurts this much even if she knew it was coming from miles ago. “We’ll make it work, you’ll see. We’ve always done it.”

Seulgi takes Byul’s face in her hands, soft hands that nurtured their relationship once forces her to look her in the eye. “We’ve been drifting apart, you know that. You’re someone I care about very deeply, I love you. If we keep this up, we’ll end up hating each other. I’m holding you back from finding someone who’s compatible with your life and your personality.”

“We’ve been drifting apart but… we can fix it! I’m sure of it. I love you and you lo-”

A finger on her lips shushes her. “We can’t fix it when I’m away.”

That’s almost a fact but Byulyi refuses to let go of Seulgi, the only support she’s left with in her life. So, she desperately pleads.  “Then, I’ll come with you! I can live in the States, I’ve done it before.”

Seulgi smiles bitterly. “You just found a job, and no one knows more than me that you get homesick a lot. I can’t ask this of you and I can’t accept it even if it comes from you.”

Byulyi pulls herself back, her mind lingering on the dark shores of doubt. “Is there someone else? Is it Wendy?”

Seulgi is visibly appalled, her expression is worse than their only major fight in college. Byulyi even shudders at the thought.

“Am I even talking to the same Byulie that I’ve been dating for years now? Is she here at all? Do you hear what you’re saying? The audacity…” The pause in between kills Byulyi, Seulgi is refusing to meet her eyes. She only looks away and outside. “You know me and you know Wendy. I know that you know I would never do that to you. I didn’t accuse you with Yongsun-unnie and I expect the same respect from you.”

Byulyi feels the guilt from her words perch up on her shoulder. Her face is heavy in her palms, it is as if she has two of them. “I’m sorry, I’m not handling this like an adult. I just… I can’t come to terms with it. I just can’t.” She manages to force out of her mouth. “I know you would never cheat on me, I’m just being an asshole. I’m sorry.”

Byulyi doesn’t know how to feel. She thought she would know how to react to this, she replayed it in her head as her anxiety showed the worst cases possible in the big screen in her head. She would cry for some time, eat ice cream cake in front of the TV in her sweatpants and maybe after a few months feel emotionally capable of processing the abstract idea of love again. But at that second, her mind is a blank canvas and Seulgi took all her colors with her. There is nothing to light up this eternal night in her mind, Seulgi blew on the stars and made them fade.

“I am going to take a plane there tonight to find myself an apartment to rent and all that. The program starts in two months, I will come back in a week to pack my stuff. I will see you once again before I leave, and I want a promise from you unnie.” She eyes Byulyi with seriousness. “I want you to stay my friend for the rest of my life. I don’t want to be the long-distance girlfriend who clogs your river of faith but that doesn’t mean that I am willing to lose my best friend. Let me be a friendly rain that feeds your waters rather than a rock that slows it down.”

Byulyi feels the tears on her eyes fall down to her cheeks with defeat. She swallows all the hurt feelings stuck in her throat. “How can I ever say no to that? What makes you think that I can even imagine my life without you?” She says, hiccupping along the way. “I promise, Seulgi, you will never lose me.”

 “Thank you.” She says, caressing the other’s cheek, demolishing the tears of sadness. “I don’t want this day to be full of tears. Come on unnie! Let’s go on our last date. We will end this era in our relationship with laughs and smiles.”

//

They act as if they don’t know what’s going to happen when they part ways. They arrive at a restaurant, the kind Byulyi used to go. Tables covered by velvet and decorated by candles…

“What would you like?” Byulyi asks absentmindedly, she doesn’t want to live in the past when the present is right there, but she can’t help but think where exactly they went wrong.

“Uh…” Seulgi seems unsure of her order or her thoughts are somewhere else in the past just like Byulyi. Or maybe she’s just thinking of her future in the States, without Byulyi. “Whatever you’re getting is fine, unnie.”

Byulyi places their orders and turns to Seulgi, trying to engrave every detail of her face to her memory. She doesn’t know what will happen when they part their ways. Would they stop seeing each other?

She hears Seulgi clear her throat as if to interrupt the awkward silence. “Unnie?” She calls after a moment.

“Yes?” Byulyi replies hopefully, maybe the girl wanted to take a step back.

“How do your days go? At work, I mean.”

“Ah…” Byulyi is ready to complain about her horrible day, “It’s fine in general but sometimes I just get tired a lot. Today, I had to fix bunch of mistakes the PR department did! Can you believe that?”

Seulgi looks at her with sympathy and moves her hand towards Byulyi’s, until she catches herself and grabs the candle on the table. Byulyi acts like she hadn’t noticed. “That sounds bad. Will it always be like that?”

“Nah, I don’t think so. They’re probably just testing me since I’m new.”

“I’m sure you’ll handle it.” Seulgi assures her. “So, are you still talking to Yongsun unnie?”

Byulyi feels taken aback by Seulgi’s sudden out-of-topic question. “Sometimes, yeah.” Then she adds suspiciously, “Why do you ask?”

Seulgi shrugs, “Just wanted to make sure you won’t be lonely.”

The silent, _when I’m gone_ , hangs in the air between them.

“It’s okay.” Byulyi responds, “I got Yongsun unnie, she’s nice. Also, I met some coworkers who are really kind. Don’t worry about me.”

Seulgi looks like she’s going to press further but Byulyi speaks up again before she can say something. She’s not going to overlook the real issue here.

“It’s me who should be concerned. Where will you be staying in America? It’s just so… sudden.” Byulyi decides that they should talk about the elephant in the room, sooner or later. Also, she really would like to be updated on Seulgi’s life.

“Oh… You know Wendy will be there too. So, I don’t think it will be that bad.” Seulgi examines Byulyi’s expression which the elder is trying to compose, she doesn’t have the right to be jealous anymore, “And I’ve lived there before, so you don’t need to worry about me.”

“I’ll always worry about you.” Byulyi says frankly, “Besides, I’m older. So, it’s kind of my duty.”

They share a silence filled with mutual understanding. Byulyi’s happy they’re getting more comfortable around each other again, she doesn’t have to worry about losing Seulgi. She never will.

Seulgi giggles, supporting her head with her hand. “Yeah? That doesn’t stop me from doing the same though.”

//

Byulyi wants the time to stop, the clock stuck forever at 9 PM. She doesn’t want Seulgi to go, end this sweet relationship they have.

But she knows that it’s inevitable and it would be childish to try to hold on to something that’s been crumbling. It was like trying to chase the wind, the breeze that meets her face makes her feel good for a while but at the end of the day she feels empty. She had known this was coming. So, why is she so broken?

Seulgi looks so beautiful at that moment, face illuminated by the city lights. A parade of colors passes on her face. Red from their love fades as the blue of their mutual sadness takes its place on Seulgi’s soft features.

For a moment she thinks that Seulgi’s being cruel by leaving her. How could she say it just like that within the first place? Byulyi doesn’t understand how could Seulgi keep a straight face while breaking up with her, eyes staring directly into Byulyi’s. Byulyi feels disturbed by herself because she’s wishing to see Seulgi’s tears of agony over their broken relationship.

That is, until white lights of new beginnings blinds both of their eyes.

All in all, the clock doesn’t stop at 9 PM, and life goes on.

Their chirpy dialogue dies down as the time for Seulgi’s plane nears. The inevitable reality of separation evident is in their actions now. Byulyi’s car slows down, as well as the time and Byulyi gulps.

“I don’t think you should wait for me.” Seulgi states, “It wouldn’t be good for neither of us.”

Does Seulgi mean that Byulyi shouldn’t wait for her plane to take off or her arrival to Korea again? Byulyi will never know.

Yet, she nods a bit grimly after a long silence. She hears a hiccup from her right and turns to Seulgi who’s been noticeably calm all this time. However now the younger’s breaking under Byulyi’s pained gaze, shoulders shaking and tears rolling down from her cheeks uncontrollably.

“U-unnie… Don’t forget me, okay?” Seulgi manages to mumble between sobs, “You’ll always be somewhere in my heart.”

Seeing her in this state makes Byulyi tear up too. “Stupid…” She chokes out, “You think we won’t see each other after this? I’d chase you to the end of the universe, just to annoy you.”

Seulgi’s crying harder than before now, and it’s Byulyi’s turn to be strong. She unclasps her seatbelt before wrapping her arms around Seulgi. She kisses her cheeks, nose, lips…  Tastes her salty tears and wishes to be able to bring something sweet in their bitter moment with her kisses.

“It’s okay.” Byulyi assures, “It had to be this way. Don’t cry.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too.” Byulyi gives her a tearful smile, “But it’s like that, isn’t it? Life.”

Seulgi sniffles. “Will you be okay?”

“I’ll be as okay as you’ll be.” Byulyi wipes Seulgi’s tears away, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Byulyi lets out a sigh of relief despite herself because now she knows that she’ll always have Seulgi by her side even if they’re not together anymore.

“Call me when you feel like it, okay? Don’t forget your unnie that easily. But now, you’ve got a plane to catch, babe.”

//

Byulyi’s drive back to home is quiet, a little bit lonely even. She feels paralyzed by the day’s events. It’s 3 AM, there’s no one other than Byulyi in the road and she’s left miserable. Oddly, she’s calmer than ever. It’s like her soul is replaced by a machine, making her numb. She doesn’t react further.

Until;

She goes home, plumps face first into her bed. Byulyi cries, cries and cries.

She thinks that’s the loneliest she has ever been. Who does she have in life anymore? Who’ll make her laugh and grateful for life?

Fate truly works in funny ways.

Just then, as if to forewarn her about something even greater, her phone lights up.

** From: Yongsun unnie (04.48) **

How are you?

You can talk to me if there’s something bothering you, alright?

Don’t get me wrong, I just felt like you’ve been down lately ;;;

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there goes moonseul... please look forward to moonsun now ^^


	11. Worthless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter has heavy mentions of parental homophobia, just giving you guys the heads up

Yongsun’s dumb.   
She’s the dumbest, even.   
What was she thinking when she messaged her fresh-out-of-a-relationship crush at nearly five in the morning? Implying that she’ll stand by her side during her heartache period too, when Byulyi didn’t even know that she was aware of her relationship and break up.   
Yongsun bangs her head against the counter, sighing in disbelief.    
It’s almost noon, and Byulyi still hadn’t responded to her text after seven hours.   
Yongsun isn’t blaming her, even though she hadn’t experienced the grief over a past relationship she guesses it would be hard. Probably hard enough to not have time or desire to reply to the text her weird unnie had sent at an ungodly hour.    
If Yongsun had to be honest, she’s a bit disappointed. She had been expecting a ‘thank you’ or ‘wow, how did you know that I’m feeling down?’ from Byulyi, yet she’s faced with nothing. After all, she had to be ready to deal with the consequences of the actions she had made when she was in bed, not being able to sleep because the thoughts of a certain blonde had been occupying her mind.   
And it’s not even funny or silly anymore, Yongsun notices. Despite not seeing Byulyi’s sadness except those short moments in the café, she feels her pain. She wonders where she is at that moment. In her office, dealing with heartache and never-ending work at the same time? Or did she decide on calling a sick day, just laying on her bed and thinking about her memories all day?   
Did she see her message and ignore her on purpose or did she turn off her phone all together? The message had a delivered sign so that would indicate the former. But the last time she was online was before midnight yesterday. Yongsun’s on the brink of doing something stupid and calling her but before she can tap on her phone, it lights up on its own.   
To her disappointment, it’s not Byulyi.   
“Wheein?” Yongsun asks, “What’s up?”   
“Unnie!” Wheein’s voice is a bit unclear, like she’s in a crowded place, “Did you do something dumb? I feel like you did.”   
“I…” Yongsun’s not sure how to respond, and her one second pause is enough for Wheein.   
She hears a loud groan on the other side of the line. “What am I going to do with you? You didn’t go to her apartment or something, right? In the early morning too!”   
“No!” Yongsun’s quick to deny, “I just texted her.”   
“Saying?”   
“That she can talk to me if she’s feeling sad.”   
Wheein sighs. “Did you attach a selfie holding a note that says, ‘I secretly listened your break up and now I know you’re gay and single, please date me.’ too?”   
Yongsun feels her face redden, pouting a little. “I was just being… polite.”   
“Whipped and creepy, you mean. You know what? You need some dating experience. Lesbian dating experience, to be more precise. I have a friend. She’s hot, she’s single and ready to mingle. What do you say?”   
“Wheein!”   
“Okay, okay. Sorry.” Wheein apologizes, but Yongsun doubts that she’s sorry. “What did she say?”   
“She didn’t reply.” Yongsun confesses, a bit embarrassed.    
“Aw, that’s rough, buddy.” Wheein says, “I can understand why she didn’t reply though, she must be really down.”   
“I know! What should I do, Wheein-ah? Do I go and visit her? Or should I wait for her t-?”   
“Oh my God, calm down.” Wheein cuts her off, “Just wait for a while okay, let things happen on their own.”   
  


//   
  
A few weeks pass and all Yongsun gets from Byulyi are fake smiles, polite declines and unenthusiastic conversations that end with ‘I’m not really in the mood unnie. Can we talk later?’

Yongsun sighs as her steps lead her towards the convenience store for her shift, her heart aching with the unshakable feeling of the oncoming hours of Byul-lessness. She sighs as she toys with the wire of her headphones, eyes roaming around the street as if she’ll see something worth seeing. And then, she actually does.

Byulyi is exiting a market, both hands holding plastic bags. 

First of all, does Byulyi go to other convenience stores now? Is she avoiding her on purpose? But there’s no reason for her to do so, Yongsun reasons, or is she really bothered by her never-ending questions?

Then Yongsun’s gaze falls on the bags, realizing that the only thing she can recognize from where she is standing is the excessive amount of instant ramen packages. Yongsun sighs and the indecisiveness in her vanishes as she walks towards the younger girl with determination. Just as the blonde reaches to a trash can to throw away her receipt, Yongsun catches her hand. 

“Will you stop being a walking black hole?” She says, grabbing the receipt from her hand. She looks at it and sees 10 ramen cups, two packs of beer and a bottle of soju. Her brows raise as she tugs at the blonde. 

“Let’s shop again. Together and responsively.” 

Byulyi looks at her with an unreadable look, brown orbs staring directly into her eyes but she seems like she’s not really seeing her.

“Unnie, I don’t think we should have this talk.” Byulyi deattaches her hand from Yongsun’s, “I just want to go home.”

“I can’t let you live like this.” Yongsun presses, “You’re not telling me what’s happening, you’re always gloomy! At least let me help you.”

Yongsun is feeling helpless under Byulyi’s firm gaze, eyes not having even a little bit sympathy. How could she help her, if she didn’t want to be helped?

“I get what you’re trying to do, really.” Byulyi responds with a tone that lacks emotion, “But there are things that I have to go through on my own.”

If Yongsun hadn’t known the situation maybe she could be fooled. “At least eat healthy. I thought you were done with instant ramen.” She says, pointing to her bag accusingly. Byulyi instinctively hides the bag. “You have money now Byul-ah, even if you don’t feel like cooking, you can order.”

She pauses for a moment, watching the expression on the blonde’s face. Her pain seeps through her mask, revealing a sad truth behind the business-woman façade she puts on. “Let’s just give those ramens back and order you something nice and healthy.” 

A few seconds later Byulyi nods and Yong sighs in relief. Her shift starts in 10 minutes and she about to shop at another market but at least Byul won’t be returning to the hole of eating ramen. 

As they give those back and buy fruits and yogurt in return, Yongsun feels Byulyi’s lingering gaze on her. Even if she can’t read her expression that well, Yongsun swears that she can feel her gratitude. 

They leave the market and unhealthy decisions behind - _ mostly _ \- Yongsun feels a lot better. Somehow every moment she has with the girl in question relieves her own heartache. As these thoughts pass through her mind she can’t help but feel guilty. Was she doing this just to feel better about herself? 

When they reach Byulyi’s front door, Yongsun hands the bags back to her. She bites her lips as the younger girl opens the front door. After hesitating for a moment, she calls after her. 

“I’m here when you’re ready to talk. Have a nice meal, Byul-ah!”

 

//

 

The loud sound of the door closing separates Byulyi from Yongsun, right when she has mouth open to mumble a reply. She had wanted to say something, like a  _ thank you _ in the form of a whisper or  _ why do you even care about me _ with a hint of gratitude in her voice.

But she does not and the only thing she can do is, turn her back and walk towards the elevator in heavy steps.

Why does she even bother to leave the house anymore?

Nowadays the only thing she does probably is to drown in her infinite thoughts. She thinks and thinks and thinks until she comes to where she had started hours before, replaying the break-up in her mind.

She should’ve pestered harder, she should’ve convinced Seulgi to let her come along and she shouldn’t have accused her with cheating. What kind of a person is Byulyi? Implying something so horrible to the woman she loved,  _ loves _ . 

She’s filled with sorrow, how could she be so stupid?

Every time she tries to sleep it’s Seulgi’s face, her slim figure that comes to her mind. Her fingers itch to get a hold of her hand, her body aches for her little spoon. She can’t escape the sweet torture of remembering her. She had never truly understood how deep the younger’s impact on her life went until she’s out of her life, spreading her wings to fly far away from her. 

She enters her apartment in a absentminded emptiness, tired of the act of living itself. She puts all the yogurt that Yongsun had made her buy in the fridge. She’s conflicted about the girl’s futile attempts to cheer her up. She feels as if she should be grateful, the elder has no obligation to care for her. Despite of what her mind says, when she really looks into her own heart Byulyi’s greeted with vacancy. She can’t fill the Seulgi shaped hole in her heart with the feeling of gratitude towards Yongsun. 

But all in all, the elder is bright, pretty and just genuinely so nice that Byulyi can’t leave the thought of her completely alone. She had felt the affection that’s radiating from her, even if Byulyi couldn’t imagine herself being anything more than a friend to anybody at that moment, not that Yongsun liked girls anyway. Her feelings lingered on Seulgi, her thoughts desperately clings to their shared moments, reliving them and furthering her suffering. 

She gets her phone out to look for nearby restaurants to order from but the screen shines brightly, not letting her click away. Her mom is calling. 

Byulyi freezes as the phone continues to ring, the lying face of her mother judging her life from the screen. She doesn’t have the heart to decline but her pride holds her thumb away from the green symbol. Finally the words “Moon Yoonhee is calling.” disappears from the screen and then Byulyi is able to release the breath she had been holding. The cage her parents forced her in loosens up a little to let her heart beat without skipping. 

She puts her phone down, her appetite is long gone and her headache is showing signs of a mental storm coming. Not even five minutes pass before she hears her phone buzz along with an annoying whistle sound. 

Every muscle in her body refuses to get up from the couch she just lies face-down on. She has no one that would excite her with a text, other than Yongsun-unnie. But Byulyi doesn’t think that the woman would text her this soon and the most plausible option is her mom texting. She doesn’t want to deal with more self-hatred and disappointment than she already feels. 

She tries to ignore the text, however her phone buzzes multiple times. She looks in the direction of the phone reluctantly. She’ll upset me even more, she thinks bitterly, she’ll threaten to call grandma again and that’s the last piece of chaos I need right now.  

She reaches for the remote, opening her tv to just have something other than her thoughts echoing in her head. Her phone buzzes again. 

I don’t owe her anything, she thinks justifyingly, I am 100% self sufficient and that’s what they pushed me to be. 

Another buzz.

I have too much going on to humor them with my existence right now, she reasons while channel-surfing, I don’t want to feel like a mistake right now. 

It is only after the last buzz, Byulyi screams in her empty apartment and gets up. What was her mother trying to do, write a poem line by line via texting? 

Byulyi unlocks her phone with irritation apparent on her face and selects the notification. 

 

**Moon Yoonhee**

Byul-ah, my baby, why don’t you answer your phone?

Are you still working at this hour? 

Omo, look after yourself better Byulie. 

Or are you just ignoring your mother. 

That is not a nice thing Byul-ah, a lady like you should know better. 

I have a feeling you won’t pick up your phone, so here it is.

We’re having a family dinner tomorrow and my heart aches to see an empty spot on the table. 

Will you come, my little star?

Let’s turn a new page.

 

Byulyi stares at the screen for God knows how long before she could think properly. Is this a trick? What is she planning with this? What could have suddenly happened for her mother to be this nice and act like she loved her?

The sceptic in her thinks of every horrible scenario possible but a certain part of her made her ignore it all. The part that wanted her mother’s loving arms around her once again. The part that reminisced of their old memories together. The part that was starving inside of her. Her heart to be specific. 

She couldn’t help but smile, unable to deny herself the tiniest bit of hope. Maybe her mother was silently suffering as well, having an inner conflict with her closed-minded opinions and her love for her child. And maybe, just maybe, their love was strong enough to tear the walls of homophobia down. 

Byulyi cries tears of happiness as she runs inside to pick an outfit that would please her mom, even if she knew that this kind of a hope could ruin her easily.

 

//

 

The first time after months Byulyi enters the extravagant doors of her parents’ house, she’s nervous beyond belief. The uncertainty of the situation makes her heart beat in an unhealthy speed, leaving her hands sweaty and shaky.

“Miss Byulyi?” One of the maids spot her presence, she carries on with a slight surprised tone, “Please give me your coat. It’s been a while since you’ve been here.”

Byulyi gives her a polite nod and doesn’t comment further for the sake of not being this week’s gossip material on the dinner table of house workers. She’s sure they had talked about her already on several occasions anyway. 

After being out of her long coat, she makes her way to the living room, where she’s sure she is 

going to find her parents. She pauses for a moment right in front of the door before knocking, trying to even her breathing. She hadn’t ever imagined that one day it would be this hard to speak to her own family.

When given permission she pushes the door open, and finally the figures of her parents are right in front of her.

They don’t look any different from the last time Byulyi had seen them. Maybe a little bit colder, the tension in their body is evident, filling up the room with a strained atmosphere. They both support the same expression on their faces, eyes a little bit narrowed, mouth caught up in a position that can be read as between a nervous smile and a uncomfortable grimace. If Byulyi could look in the mirror, she would see the same look on her own face.

“Byulyi!” Her mother is the first one to get out of the strange trance, locking her eyes with Byulyi’s, “It’s great to be able to see you again.”

“Mom.” Even though Byulyi can’t make a coherent sentence she guesses she should at least say something to acknowledge her mother’s greeting, “Hi?”

Her mother makes her way towards her, Byulyi’s feeling more and more nervous at each passing second. But all she does when she stands right in front of her is to hold her arms open and gestures Byulyi to come closer.

“Come on, Byul-ah.” She smiles, “Won’t you give your mom a hug?”

Byulyi’s mouth is left hanging open, is this the same woman who was threatening to disown her when she last saw her? She slides into the open arms of her mother as if to look for the comfort of an old blanket, probably for the first time since she had came out. She didn’t know she had missed her warmth this much. 

Byulyi stays like this for a long moment, feeling her tears stain her mother’s dress. She feels her mom whispering sweet, comforting words to her and finally lifts her head up when her father touches her back soothingly. He hugs both of them and sighs. “I missed my baby girl.”

 

An hour later they are seated at the table, laughing together with her two younger sisters to a work-story Byulyi is telling.

“And then I told him, that is not coffee sir, that’s two-day old warm coke.” She says giggling. 

The laughter dies down and her sister pulls her arm to hug her side. “Unnie, I’ve missed you so much!” 

“You should come by one day, Seul-ah. Let’s have a sleepover.” She says, cringing as her own thoughts shifts to her ex, Seulgi. Why was the world this cruel? 

Her mom visibly tenses up from her seat and offers a non-sincere smile. “Seulgi is really busy this year, right honey? I’m afraid they are both too hard-working to take such a vacation.” Her mom laughs, her voice absent of any real emotion. Byulyi shifts in her seat uncomfortably. 

“I mean, she’s twenty one years old. She can make her own decisions.” Byulyi says raising her eyebrows as she looks at her food. She doesn’t want to raise the tension but her mother’s tone and intention feels a bit off. 

“Byul-ah, dear, America has rubbed off on you too much. We aren’t americans, age doesn't matter, you listen to your parents no matter what.” Her mom says as the servants put down their deserts. “But I guess, you never were the obedient, good child.”

Her last sentence is much more like a whisper but Byulyi of course catches it. She grips her fork tightly as she breathes to calm herself down. She could get through this much of snide comments, she didn't really expect everything to be better in a second anyways. 

“Yes, I guess I’m not a pushover.” She says laughing to lighten the mood. Her response would warn her mother but wouldn’t burn the bridges down. 

There is a silence that follows, everybody eats their souffle without a word escaping their mouths. Finally her sister speaks up. 

“Mom, can I go out tomorrow night?” She asks, reminding Byulyi how much of an iron fist her mother has in the family. Her father resembles a puppet sometimes. 

“With whom?” Her mother asks, her eyebrows up amusedly. 

“With some friends. Eunji, Yerim, Sooyoung and Nayeon.”

Her mother nods approvingly. “Ahh, the youngest daughter of Ahn Hyuri, Eunji? That is an excellent choice of friend, Seul-ah. You may go.” She says taking another bite. “What was her older brother’s name? Jaehwan?” 

Her sister sighes and nods. “Yes, mom.” Byulyi senses the conversation’s direction but hopes for something, anything else. She knows Jaehwan, she was childhood friends with him and lost contact after high school. And if she knew her mother even just one bit, she could guess the next sentence that would come out of her mouth.

“You were friends with him, right Byulie? You two looked so cute together back then.” Moon Yoonhee says in a sing-song voice. “You should reconnect. I’m sure he would appreciate it.” 

“Of course, I would like to rekindle a friendship.” Byulyi says, emphasizing the last word to a level that made all the heads turn to her. “Maybe he could meet my girlfriend too.”

Her mom sets down her spoon and takes a deep breath. “Which one? The one that left you to go to America with someone else?” 

Byulyi gasps with shock, anger splintering all over her body. “And how do you know that?”

Her mother gives a smile, eyes looking with a grudge that’s far from a mother’s soothing gaze. “Do you think a regular girl like her, a nothing could get into that university without any help?”

Byulyi’s spoon left falling on the ground, making an echoing sound in the dead silent room. She lets out a breath from her nostrils, barely holding the fury in. “You’re saying you sent my girlfriend, the only person who cares about me enough to accept me as I am, away?” She says her voice barely getting past the lump in her throat. “How could you? After all you’ve done, how could you take away my last brach to hold on before falling off a cliff?”

“Oh, please. I didn’t make her do anything. I made some calls, they offered, she didn’t decline. That’s it.” She says dismissing her with a hand gesture. “If she cared about you as much as you claimed, she wouldn’t have got on the first plane to leave you, would she?”

Byulyi can’t seem to think straight at the moment, she runs her hands through her hair and finally kicks the table in frustration. “How can you act like a caring mother while being a life-meddling, controlling piece of shit? I told you then, I’m saying it again, If you won't except me then we can avoid each other until we both go to hell, according to your narrow-minded worldview.” 

Her mother gasps as if she never heard anything more scandalous. “Mind your tongue, Moon Byulyi. I’m still your mother.” 

“No, you’re just a stranger who gave me birth.” She says turning her back on them, not letting them see the tears, although it is clear as they in her voice. “I came here, foolishly thinking that maybe, just maybe you were  _ my mother enough _ to miss me and maybe you wanted to start over. But no, you aren’t capable of feeling such human emotions, are you? It is just money, status, luxury and the opinion of others.” She continues with sarcasm, “Oh my daughter is a fucking lesbian, whatever shall I do? Oh, I know, try to set her up with a male specimen she remembers faintly from childhood, maybe that will turn her away from other vaginas. Aren’t I brilliant? I just figured out homosexuality.”

Moon Yoonhee gets up from her seat and angrily walks toward her daughter. “How dare you speak in that matter, you little shit? You are under my roof and I forbid you from staining our family any further!” She says as she raises her hand. 

Byulyi is prepared for it. She stops her arm and grabs her glass of wine from the table. As it splashes against her face and body, Byulyi smirks and walks towards the door. 

“Look another stain that will last.” She says before slamming the door. “And you know what, fuck all of you. I’m out.” 

She makes her way towards to the closet with firm steps, this house is too dirty to leave her over-priced coat. After that, she gets on her car and drives away.

Her phone rings as she turns to the road that leads to the highway. She presses the button on the steering wheel with a little bit more force than needed, hoping it’s not one of her family.

“What?” Byulyi spits, “Who is it?”

“Mademoiselle Byulyi sure sounds angry.” She hears a male voice from the other side of the line, she gets surprised at the sudden call.

“Seokjin?” Byulyi questions, “You’re back from Paris?”

“Oui, ma chérie!” Seokjin responds overly enthusiastically, “What got you so worked up?”

Byulyi sighs, “My mom happened, I don’t really want to talk about it. But, I’m glad you’re back. It gets lonely here without the sounds of your windshield-laughters.”

Seokjin’s voice turns sympathetic, he gives a little aww sound before speaking. “Let’s go for soju soon, okay? We’ll talk it out. Now, I’ve got to go but I miss you Byulie. Namjoon says hi too!”

 

//

 

Yongsun isn’t having the best day to start with. She just got a rejection from one of the companies she had applied and she hasn’t been hearing from Byulyi for the last few days. She’s ready to fume at anybody who comes to her direction.

Who, by coincidence, happens to be Moon Byulyi herself.

She’s been sitting in the bar of the café she sings at, bothering Minseok with her dumb problems when Byulyi waltzes into the shop with a permanent frown on her face. As Byulyi walks towards them, she notices Yongsun and offers a not so sincere looking smile. Why is she suddenly treated as an acquadiance? 

“Byul-ah, hi!” She says, hoping to get a good response.

“Hi, unnie.” She says, rubbing her eyes with fatigue. “Can I get a large, black coffee with no sugar?” She asks to Minseok, who’s watching their exchange with curiosity.

“How are you now? Are you eating well?” Yongsun says, feeling the most desperate she’s been. 

“I’m getting by. Thanks for asking.” She says sighing. “How are you? Any word from companies?” 

Yongsun sighs too. “Just more rejections.”

“Oh, that sucks, I guess.” Byulyi says without really looking at her. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Yongsun feels her anger rise in her chest, she has never felt more insignificant in her life. 

“I bet you are.” She says under her breath. 

Byulyi turns to her fully this time, eyebrows raised and expression ready to defend. “What was that, unnie?”

“I mean, with that tone and indifferent attitude you could have spit on my face and it wouldn’t make that much of a difference.” She says her voice seeping of fury. “But I guess since you are in such a bad mood and not accepting any help, that makes it okay for you to be a total disrespectful brat.”

“Excuse me if I can’t find it in myself to put every single one of my emotions aside and tend to your needs and problems, your highness.” Byulyi says bowing mockingly. 

Yongsun gasps with disbelief. “What is your problem?”

“What is  _ your  _ problem?” Byulyi shouts back. 

“Oh, I’m sorry if I’ve been too considerate of your feelings and wanted to help you get over Seulgi.” She says in a spark of anger, realizing her mistake after she said it. 

“What about Seulgi?” Byulyi asks with a lowered down voice, tone even more mad than when she was shouting. “What do you know?”

“I…” Yongsun stumbles over her own words and then decides,  _ fuck it, _ “I saw you two and put the pieces together. And realized that your  _ boyfriend from Busan _ was actually her.”

She’s a bit proud of her own lie but the anger in Byulyi’s tone when she speaks again keeps her away from feeling triumphant.

“Then, how do you know that we’ve broken up?”

Yongsun freezes, not ready for the question in any way. “I just...  figured since you’re in such a foul mood.”

Byulyi pauses for a moment, jaw tensing in outrage. “No.” She says like she’s put the last puzzle piece in place, “You texted me on the day we broke up. I was fine before that.” The blonde takes a step back from her, eyes filled with confusion and hurt. “Are you stalking me? Did my mother hire you?”

Yongsun is quick to deny with wide eyes and a gaping mouth. “No, no, no! I don’t even know where your mother falls in this story, I swear! It’s just… you broke up here, right? I work here. It was a coincidence!”

“Coincidence?” Byulyi repeats, “You’re telling me that in a city of ten million you just happened to be there for my breakup? I thought my mother was smart enough to hire better liars.” She carries on with heat on her voice, “You know what’s the worst of it all? I trusted you! I liked you! How could you be so heartless?”

“Once again, Moon Byulyi, I don’t know your mother! I’ve never seen her and I don’t even know her name!” She shouts, too into the argument to be aware of the attention they are gathering. “I didn’t know how to tell you that I was there so I waited for you to tell me, but I guess I’m not worthy enough to know your life.” 

They stare at each other intensely and a small voice interrupts them. “One large, black coffee ready to go.” 

Byulyi breaks their eye contact and hands Minseok a big lump of cash, not caring enough to count it. “Consider the change as our family’s thank you for your service.” 

Yongsun is left there with an open mouth, not believing what just happened. Did Moon Byulyi really threw money to her? Did she really treat her as a bad spy in a cheesy drama? Who the fuck was her mom anyways, Cercei Lannister? Who sends people to spy on their kids?

Yongsun runs after Byuyi to only yell after her into the streets. “Don’t come crying back with your tail between your legs after you realize what an asshole you are!”

Yongsun stomps back inside and sits on her stool once again. She gets her phone out, ignoring Minseok’s questioning gaze.

Yongsun’s dumb.

She’s the dumbest even.

And that’s why she rings Wheein and asks for something in the heat of their argument.

“Give me that single girl’s number. What was her name again? Bae Joohyun?”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ouch....


	12. Love Story of a Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! welldonedragon here!   
> I hope all of you are great, my midterms are over and I feel better already!  
> This chapter was originally going to be called dumb, dumber, hot and hotter and you'll understand why ;)  
> enjoy!

Moon Byulyi is furious. She can feel her face heat up as she walks towards her mother’s office, confrontation in her mind. How could she stoop so low? How could she pay someone to gain her trust and betray her like that? That was just too ugly to be considered human.

Her feet carry her through the city’s crowded, uncaring streets and there it is. A big block of grey and monotone lifestyles. She feels nauseous even by looking at it.

The thing is, Byulyi knows her mom; She is a workaholic who doesn’t care about anything else but public image so it is plausible to think that she warned the security and the reception about her crazy lesbian daughter who would barge in and try to disturb the peace. So she waited.

An hour passed and Byulyi dwelled in her dark thoughts even more, somehow managing to blame Yongsun for everything. Her logic told her that it was ludicrous to even think that but when rage took over her thought process, Byulyi could do nothing other than stand back and wait for the explosion. How could Kim Yongsun, who had been like a warm cup of tea with a hint of honey during all those hectic months turn out to be so crucially evil? Byulyi feels the betrayal right in her heart, its aftershocks echoing in her soul. She had always been so sweet, looking up to her with those chocolate brown eyes. Byulyi didn’t know how much trust she had put in Yongsun until it was completely thrown away.  

As she leans against her mother’s car in the garage, she is still fuming at everything that let her down. She is going to make sure, as soon as her mother steps out, that this type of scamming will never ever happen again.

“And I told them, that was last week’s report you dumbasses.” A voice echoes in the semi-full parking lot. A few people join the laughter and Byulyi sees her mother walking towards her with her car key in her hand and her social mask in place. Always perfect and approachable yet deadly and revolting up-close.

She fixes her baseball cap and stares at her mother, as if to pierce through her soul, if she had one to start with. Yoonhee’s smile falters for a second, eyebrows twitching as if to escape their emotional prison but then she smiles again.

“Ah, my dear baby girl. Ladies you must excuse me and my Byulie. She must have came to surprise me at work. What a cutie, right?” She says, informally giving orders for everyone to go away with her tone. “Get in, dear. Let’s talk on the way.”

Byulyi gets in the car wordlessly, wanting to get this over with already. She starts to speak when her mother gets settled in too. She pedals up the gas and gets out of the building.

“What kind of a mother are you?”

Her mother purses her lips as if she had just heard a minor inconvenience. “For what? Wanting the best for you?”

“The best?” Byulyi exclaims, “How can you be so sure of this? Why can’t you respect my free-will? Do you have to go around and pay people to pretend to be my friend? Who the fuck does that?”

“First of all, language. I’m still older than you, that is no way to speak to your elder.” She says, her hands are calmly steering the wheel. “And second of all, you might think that I’m the combination of all things evil but even _I_ don’t have enough money, time nor energy to do something as you accused me to. I just knew your… _friend from Busan’s_ name and all I did was to make some calls to the right people and learn that she applied for some programs. So naturally, I went and offered her a scholarship and got her further away from you and your relationship which is full of sin.”

Byulyi doesn't even have energy left to react to her homophobic remarks, only one thing strikes out to her in that bore of a speech. “Wait, so you didn’t hire Yongsun-unnie to stalk me and report on my life?”

“Who is that? Oh my god, Moon Byulyi, is that another lesbian?” Her mother asks, looking as if she is ready to slam her head to the wheel. “How do you keep finding them?”

Byulyi just sits there as her mother awaits an answer, looking at her with side eyes occasionally and giving up with a sigh after a few minutes. Byulyi is not there at the moment, her mind already took her to someplace deep within herself, a pit called regret and shame and she can't seem to climb out of it.

Her encounter with Yongsun flashes in her mind, every hurt expression on her face and hopeful attempt at reconciling through words which she held out as an olive branch… She is such an idiot. How could she say those things and how could she think the worst about the innocent girl who held her hand when she was struggling to go on? How could she even utter those words to a dear friend who was there to help?

Byulyi pulls her knees up and buries her face in her palms. She fucked up and she knows it. Now, she has to make up for being an awful person. Her tears begin to roll as she thinks further about the girl she hurt, a hiccup escaping her throat.

Her mother looks at her with somewhat soft eyes as she stops the car. “Are you okay, Byul-ah?” She asks, her hand on her daughter’s shoulder.

Byulyi pulls herself back harshly and looks in her eyes. “This is all your fault. Whenever you step in my life, it all goes down the drain.” She yells, hot tears of rage and sorrow racing down her cheeks. “You took away the only financial income I had when I came out to you, gathering my courage at last. You abandoned your daughter when she trusted her real self with you. I had to suffer for months because you took away everything when I knew nothing about how to cope with reality. And now you pull this stunt and still expect me not to think ill of you? You took away one of the things that made me the most happy and made me so paranoid that I ruined the other.”

Byulyi finally realizes that the car is no longer moving and in fact they are in front of her former building. So, her mother doesn't even know she moved. She feels even more stupid, the woman doesn’t even know this and she suspected her hiring Yongsun. She gets out hastily and before she shuts the door she speaks in a dangerously low voice.

“From now on, Moon Yoonhee-sshi, we are not related in any way or form. And believe me, if I could erase you from my memory, I would have done it.”

She watches as her mom stares at her behind the window and her social mask slips back on her face as she starts the car and drives away without a word.

Byulyi is a wreck.

She doesn’t realize that the events of the last few days drained her to her core so much that she even has trouble standing straight. She walks around aimlessly, her feet getting in her way sometimes and making her seem like a drunk. She wants to be drunk. She wants to let go of it all. She wants to wake up the next morning and find Seulgi by her side with a painkiller and a scolding expression. She wants to go back a few months and just fix everything. Or at least, she just wants to go back a few hours to slap herself before she hurts Yongsun like that. She just wants to get drunk and let go of herself.

Her feet hurt from walking, the city is alive but _the sun_ is long gone. She doesn’t know how long she walked or where she had aimed to go but when she finds herself in front of a familiar apartment, she thanks her own muscle memory. Not thinking clearly, she forgets that phones or even buzzers exist and picks a small pebble from the ground, aiming for the third floor window. After a few tries, the window opens forcefully, revealing an angry man with purple hair.

“Who the fuck is doing th-” His yelling gets cut when he sees her, standing there with the emptiest look a human can pull off. He rolls his eyes and shouts back inside. “Hyung! Byul-noona is here!”

They make eye contact once again and Byulyi mouths a thank you and Namjoon sighs and waves his hand as in no problem.

Two minutes pass and a sleepy looking Seokjin is in front of the door. He scratches his head and looks at her questioningly. “Byul-ah, what’s wrong?”

Byulyi finally lets herself feel emotions and hugs him, crying. “Jin-ah, I’m so stupid.” She whispers as her tears stain his plain white t-shirt. Even though he is surprised, he wraps her arms around her and rubs her back. “Shh, it’s okay. Tell me, I’m here.”

Byulyi just continues to cry for a few minutes unable to stop herself even to utter a few words. She finally gains her self-control back. “I need to get beaten up.” She says, looking at him seriously.

This might have looked like a meaningless thing to someone else but between them it was a safeword. It meant the world, it meant support and a shoulder to cry on. They were there for each other, since they were old enough to speak.

When Jin discovered his sexuality in 10th grade and Byulyi was starting to doubt herself, Jin came out to her, in tears and shame and told her that he deserved to be beaten up by the other boys in his class. He thought there was something fundamentally wrong with him. But Byulyi held him and shook him to his core. They got drunk that day, speaking about the darkest secrets that they kept. Their friendship was unlike any other after that.

It became a tradition, whenever the other was sad and said those words, they would get drunk and talk it out with no filters or whatsoever.

Last time they did this was when Namjoon refused that he was into guys and rejected Jin in panic and broke his heart.

This time it was for the heart Byulyi broke.

Jin nods and excuses himself to get his wallet and jacket. Byulyi waits outside and has an inner battle on whether to check her phone or not. Maybe Yongsun sent a message?

Byulyi leans to the wall, sighing heavily. Why would she?, Byulyi thinks, she hates me and she has the right to do so.

Just as she remembers that she literally threw money at her, the front door opens once again to reveal Jin and an irritated Namjoon. He holds out his hand to her. “Give me your car keys noona.”

“I came here on foot.” She shrugs. “Don’t worry, we will call you if needed.”

Namjoon looks at her doubtfully for a second and sighs. “Okay. Just be careful noona, I don’t want you guys to get into trouble.”

Byulyi finds it in herself to smile for the first time that day. “Aigoo, our little Namjoonie has grown up and gives advice already.” She says reaching to mess his hair. “We will be careful. Don’t worry.”

Jin kisses Namjoon briefly and they hit the road. Until they find a good pojangmacha, neither of them says a word. When their first order of chicken and soju comes, Jin clears his throat as Byulyi pours their drinks.

“So, what happened?”

Byulyi puts the bottle on the table and downs her drink in one go. “I fucked up and ruined a valuable friendship. Oh, and Seulgi broke up with me, I have no financial support anymore and I had to move to a smaller house.” She says, feeling better as the liquor burns her throat like a punishment. Good, she thinks, I deserve pain right now.

“And this all happened since last time we spoke, which was a week ago?” Jin asks, his voice angry. “When I asked you what was wrong for months, you said you were tired. I knew you must have had something but this…” he says, voice trailing off with disappointment. She lied to him just like she hid everything from Seulgi too. She didn’t want to ruin his time in Paris, she didn't want to be a burden. Her own existence even feels like a huge weight on herself.

“I… I didn’t want you guys to worry. You were away, far away and Heeyeon is still studying in Cambridge. I hate to trouble you, you know that.” She says, feeling the burning gaze of her friend.

“When will you learn the meaning of the word ‘friend’? We are supposed to be there for each other on the good days _and_ the bad. What makes you think you are a burden to me when I whine about every single detail of my life to you? Hell, I even whine about how Namjoon thinks overalls are sexy.” He tells her as he chugs down his own drink, the slightly younger pours another round. “Tell me everything and I swear to all known deities, if you skip something because you think I will worry, I will end this friendship. Now, spill.”

 

She does. She tells him everything. Starts from the fact that her mother learns about her and how she is forced to come out to her family. She tells him how she gets rejected for being Moon Byulyi. She tells him how she was penniless for a while, only surviving off of ramens. She tells him that she lied to Seulgi, for the same reasons she lied to him and Heeyeon. His eye twitches at that, he has a right to. She tells him about the sunshine disguised as a girl, Kim Yongsun and their blooming friendship which she kept a secret from Seulgi too. She mentions the girl’s struggles and how their opposite backgrounds somehow helped them get even closer. She tells him that Seulgi learned about her situation and being the angel she is, helped her get back on her feet, fixed her life as she always did. She tells him how seeing her rekindled her love but didn't do anything for their romantic relationship, they were falling apart. She tells how she spent a lot of time with Yongsun-unnie and the more she got to know her, the sweeter the older girl became. She mentions that she is straight and Byulyi was in a relationship not so long ago but saying that she never thought about her would be a lie. How could she not, she was the sweetest. But also she would never act on it at the time even if Yongsun came on to her, Seulgi deserved more respect than that. She tells him how she finally landed a job and started eating more healthy. And her words form a lump in her throat but she tells him how Seulgi got accepted to a university in the States and finally took the bullet that would end their relationship. She tells him that even though she’s never going to be over her, she knew that one of them had to pull the trigger or else they would waste each other away with distances and loneliness.

She pauses, watching his face carefully, somehow his reactions to her miserable life disassociates her from her own misfortune. It is somewhat relaxing. Or it might be the booze in her system. Who knows.

“That’s… a lot. A lot to not mention.” He says sighing at her stupidness. “But also too much to seek advice for over the phone.”

She chuckles without any humor, downing another glass, the chicken between her fingers smears its cheap grease onto her fingers. “If that was all of it, I wouldn't be this… ruined, I guess.” She says, her eyes feel as hollow as the hole Seulgi left in her heart. “Two days ago, my mom called me. Of course, I didn't pick up but she texted me, inviting me to a dinner, a fresh page. I was so thrilled, I even cried with the happiness. Maybe she finally accepted who I am, y’know. I dolled up and went there, excited to make peace with them. She tried to set me up with Jaehwan, I told her that I had a girlfriend and guess what she said to me.”

Byulyi drinks another glass as Jin’s slightly unfocused eyes fill with curiosity. She mimics her mom’s words and his eyes widen with shock.

“How the fuck did she know that? Did she, like hire someone to tail you everyday?”

“That’s what I thought too! But apparently she just looked into Seulgi and made sure she got a scholarship far away that she wouldn't dare to refuse. She took her away from me.”

Jin is speechless at that second, the glass in his hand was emptied once again but he still holds onto it. “Wait, you said, you fucked up. These aren't your faults.” He says holding his glass out to her. Byulyi reaches with the glass, a bit dizzy so she spills some on the table.

“Well, earlier this day was when I fucked up.” She tells him how she snapped at Yongsun and humiliated her, called her a liar and a traitor basically. “Then I confronted my mother and learned that she doesn’t even know Yongsun-unnie. I blamed everything on her, I just fucked up big time.”

Jin smiles at her with pity. “Yes, you did.” He says downing another glass of soju. “Before we talk about how you will make it up to her, I have two things to ask and one scolding to do.” He holds his index finger up. “First of all, I’m so fucking mad at you for keeping this from me and Heeyeon. If you ever pull some stunt like this, I will not look at you ever again.” He says, voice rising and getting low uncontrollably. He is drunk alright. “Question one: Are you okay? About Seulgi, I mean. I knew how you guys were and I can’t even imagine your emotional state.”

Byulyi laughs as she pours herself another glass. “What emotional state? I think after a while, I became dull.”

Jin reaches to rub her shoulder but is too dizzy to do such a complicated thing. “Okay, okay. Question two: Are you absolutely sure that this Yongsun is straight?”

Byulyi stops mid track, the glass between her lips and his question echoing in her mind. She shakes her head no and downs her intended glass. “You damn gays don’t understand this. If a guy is flirting with you, he is 99% gay. But when a girl flirts with you and drowns you in affection, it could all be just a sign of a wonderful fucking friendship. Ugh.”

Jin rolls his eyes but acknowledges the truth in her statement. “Yeah but still, she doesnt sound… I don’t know. I don’t think I even know what my own name is at this point.” He says, head slamming on the wooden table. “How will you apologize?”

Byulyi whines and slams her head down as well. “That’s what I asked you, you useless garbage.”

“Now, let’s not go into name calling. Your latest news feed provides a lot of insults against you, you useless paranoid lesbian.”

“Unfabulous piece of trash.”

“Ramen-induced coma patient.”

“Namjoonie’s lapdog.”

“Hey! You know he’s basically lying at my feet at any given time. So, you lost the name calling game.” He smirks, finally pulling himself together enough to raise his head. “And about you begging for Yongsun’s forgiveness.”

“Noona.”

“What?”

“She’s older, be respectful.”

“Aish, damn brat. Okay, okay, Yongsun-noona’s forgiveness.”

Byulyi leans on her arm, thinking of ways. “Maybe we shouldn't have gotten smashed to come up with a solution.”

“You don’t say.”

After an unmoving half an hour, they decided that, maybe they could decide what to do in the morning. It is Friday anyways, she doesn’t have anyone to suck up to the next morning. Jin takes out his phone and presses a few buttons.

“Jooniee! Can you come pick us up? I’m piss drunk.” He says giggling. Byulyi can swear she senses Namjoon rolling his eyes. “Okay, baby boy. Okay, okay. I’m sorry. I won’t say that again. Outside at least.”

Jin hangs up the phone, busy laughing his ass off. Byulyi smiles and tries to text Namjoon their location. Another fifteen minutes pass, this time full of horrible jokes and idiotic laughter, Namjoon finally comes and drives them home.

“I’m guessing you’re staying with us, noona.” He says, looking at them giggling in the back through his rear mirror. She nods.

Last thing Byulyi remembers is collapsing onto the couch.

 

* * *

 

 

Bae Joohyun has jet black hair, chocolate brown eyes and a gaze that captivates anyone who looks her way. It’s quite safe to say that Yongsun’s charmed at the first glance, her eyes fixed on the brunette’s pretty face in awe.

She hurriedly gets up, bowing clumsily. “Hello, Joohyun-sshi. It’s so nice to meet you.”

The young woman in question gives her a charming smile, mimicking Yongsun’s respectful gesture. “Likewise, Yongsun-sshi. Wheein has told me so many great things about you and I was surprised to receive such a sudden date invite.”

“I’m sorry that I didn’t even give you a day.” says Yongsun, her talk with Wheein flashes before her eyes, her own demands for the date to take place the very next day is fresh in her mind. She is a bit embarrassed.

After they settle in their seats in the café, Yongsun lets out a breath she didn’t even know she had been holding. The shop’s semi-crowded, only beginning to fill up. In the dim lighting, the suit she’s wearing frames Joohyun in such a good way that makes Yongsun very nervous.

“So,” Joohyun starts, “Tell me about yourself.”

Yongsun clasps her hands on her lap, not knowing how to respond. Strangely, she had never felt this timid in her previous dates. However, her newfound sexuality, the fact that she hadn’t been on a date in years, and her need to prove that she can get over stupid Moon Byulyi combined, put a huge lump in her throat, making her unable to speak her mind.

Damn Wheein who hadn’t told her Bae Joohyun is this gorgeous.

More importantly, damn Byulyi for doing what she had done.

All Yongsun had done was to give her endless affection and care to Byulyi. She had worried about her when she was sad, she had been delighted for her when she had gotten a job. Yongsun had been nothing but supportive on their path of friendship, which led her to bloom romantic feelings. She knows that Byulyi needed time and isn’t quite sure about what had happened between her and her mother, but she guesses it can’t be good. Still, she doesn’t deserve to be thrown out like a piece of used gum. She had understood Byulyi, but that doesn’t mean that she can use her like a toy, picking her up whenever she wants someone to talk. And, what was with that accusation? Yongsun had never even met Byulyi’s mother. She hadn’t known what was she talking about but from her tone of voice, it was obvious that it wasn’t pretty. Just how lowly Byulyi thinks of her? Then again, what is Yongsun to her anyway. Just a chewing toy to humor herself when her precious girlfriend wasn’t around.

“Yongsun-sshi?”

“Oh!” Yongsun gets out of her trance, “I’m so sorry. It’s just that I haven’t done this in a long time and-”

“It’s perfectly okay!” Joohyun assures her, a smile evident on her face, “Just relax.”

Getting encouraged by the response she got, Yongsun goes on, “That’s not only that… I’ve only recently came into terms with my sexuality. So…”

“So, I’m your first?” A smug smile takes over Joohyun’s face before she can help it. She hides her face with a hand. “I don’t mean it like it’s weird! I mean… you’re really pretty so it’s an honor.”

Yongsun’s brain stops working for a second and she feels her jaw drop. “I’m pretty? Have you seen yourself?”

Joohyun’s expression is identical to her own confused one. The color pink, almost the same shade of her lips, spreads all over her face and she gives an embarrassed smile while fixing her gaze to the table between them. “Don’t say things like that, I’m shy.”

Wow, Yongsun thinks, she’s also cute.

“Yeah, you’re my first date with a girl.” Yongsun states, beginning to warm up to the girl.

“So, what made you question your sexuality if you don’t mind me asking?” Joohyun says with her doe eyes, “Is there another girl I should know about?”

Yongsun lets out a nervous laugh, trying to find ways to avoid the subject. After a few moments of self conflict, she gives in to the urge to ramble about the mistreatment she is going through. “There is, actually.” Yongsun confesses, and goes on when Joohyun’s expression doesn’t change, “But it’s… a long story.”

“Well,” Joohyun says while leaning back on her chair, “We’ve got time.”

Who’s Yongsun to refuse?

She finishes her story a while later, even she herself is surprised that Joohyun is so easy to rant to. The black haired woman had given all the right reactions to her tale of one-sided love. Yongsun feels really content with the way she was able to open up to Joohyun, in contrast of her relationship with Byulyi, they had started with telling each other about the little details in their lives. She knows the other woman’s favorite color is purple, she’s shy with strangers and she’s a homebody, after just  a few hours of talking. She’s glad to start off in an honest perspective to this new relationship.

Yet, she has this urge to get up from her chair and run, never looking back. She feels as if she’s committing a horrible crime by actually liking the petite woman in front of her. It’s a dumb thought, she tells herself, she wasn’t even a bit close to dating Byulyi. Still, her heart, mind and soul is trapped in a Byulyi-shaped box. To escape, she either has to break down walls and hurt herself in the process or cry for help in hopelessness.

“So, Yongsun-sshi,” Joohyun starts to say to catch her attention, “From what I understand, you’re not really ready for a serious relationship.”

Yongsun nods and stays silent to prepare herself for what’s to come. But Joohyun leans forward and touches her hand delicately, as if she’s holding something fragile.

“But it’s okay, you know. We don’t have to be exclusive anyway.” Joohyun grins, “So, here’s my suggestion. Let’s just have some fun together, okay? Whatever will happen, will happen.”

Yongsun drinks some water to wet her dry throat. The last time she did something unplanned was years ago. Normally, she would hate the uncertainty of their relationship, it would irritate her to not know where they stand. However, looking at Joohyun’s brown orbs, she feels attracted to this bizarre offer. For once, ambiguousness seems dangerous yet tempting at the same time. Maybe this would help her get Byulyi out of her head, who had proven that she doesn’t give two shits about her.

“Okay.” Yongsun agrees, her timidness turning into confidence for a moment, “Don’t fall in love with me though.”

Joohyun giggles, slapping a hand on her mouth. “We’ll see about that.”

Their momentary laugh gets cut of by a familiar tune, the song ‘Gee’ ringing between them and the screen flashing the name ‘ **Byul-ah ^o^** ’.

Joohyun looks at her, her eyes watching her carefully. Yongsun reaches and presses the big and ugly red button, then smiles. “Where were we? You were saying something about college?”

 

* * *

 

by the way, CHECK OUT THE AMAZING FANART BY [SKIRETEHFOX ON TUMBLR](http://skiretehfox.tumblr.com/post/171998806278/slides-in-with-more-fanfic-art)  

like have you ever cried after seeing such a beautiful thing? cause I did :')

 


	13. The Jealousy Game

9 missed calls, 15 unread text messages.

 

**From: Byul-ah ^o^ (17.52)**

Hey

Can you pick up the phone

Please

I know you probably don’t want to talk to me

But please??

I need to talk to you…

Face to face

I went to the convenience store

But you took the day off??

Is it because of me?

I’m sorry… I know I was wrong

Cna I make it up to you?

I don’t wanna do this over text

Pls pick up

If you dont wanna talk it’s fine… I’m waiting…

Yongsun doesn’t know what caused the younger’s change of heart overnight but she’s not sure if she wants to find out. Byulyi thinking so low of her in the beginning says a lot after all. Yongsun doesn’t want to associate herself with the blonde and get her heart broken again. A healthy relationship between two individuals should be constructed on mutual trust, otherwise they would both suffocate each other. And at that moment, Yongsun’s sure that neither of them has enough faith in each other. Even though clearly seeing this gives her pain in the heart, her mind says that it’s for the best. It’s been months that she’s pining after Moon Byulyi, living off on the crumbs of love that’s left from the blonde’s love to Seulgi. Yongsun knows that she deserves more than that, more than a person who’s still hung up on another girl. She’s come to accept that Byulyi doesn’t have any romantic feelings for her, or any strong feelings in general.

Yongsun picks her phone up, reading the texts Byulyi had sent her. She doesn’t give a response, feeling a strange pleasure from imagining Byulyi checking the chat and facing the ‘seen’ sign.

She is a little bit petty, after all.

Yongsun sighs and exits her chat with Byulyi with a frown on her face, opening a new tab instead. She hesitates before typing.

**To: Bae Joohyun (18.46)**

Hi there, I just wanted to thank you for this lovely afternoon. You made me feel so comfortable. ^^ I can’t wait to see you again.

After a few moments of thinking she deletes the last sentence. In reality, she liked Joohyun fine. However, she can’t help but compare her to Byulyi in little stupid ways. Brunette, blonde. Shorter, taller. Shy, flirty. And so on. Thinking about Joohyun makes Yongsun feel a bit disturbed, like something strange had just gotten into her comfort zone. Maybe she’s partly scared, of the future, or of the possibility of her life changing uncontrollably.

She hits send before she can overthink it. Not long after her phone makes a beep sound.

**From: Bae Joohyun (18.50)**

Same here ^^

When can I see you again?

**To: Bae Joohyun (18.51)**

Hmm.. I’m free on thursday night

How about you?

**From: Bae Joohyun (18.55)**

Sure!! Can’t wait to see you xx

 

//

 

**From: Byul-ah ^o^ (03.15)**

So…

I couldn’t help but notice

You left me on read

I don’t mean it like a bad thing

You have the right I guess…

**From: Byul-ah ^o^ (04.02)**

But why though…

**From: Byul-ah ^o^ (04.11)**

Don’t answer that

Y’know I support honesty

I couldn’t sleep thinking about how I’m gonna apologize to you

**From: Byul-ah ^o^ (04.59)**

Okay, here it goes… The reason why I thought you were hired by my mother is that I just had a huge fight with her. She told me that she was the one who arranged Seulgi’s scholarship. She almost forced me to go on a date with some chaebol… When I saw you at the café I was vulnerable and paranoid. And I know you were by my side that whole time, over the past few months you’re the one who I spent most of my time with. You were nothing but helpful and I’m so sorry to ever doubting you. I know it isn’t an excuse but I was really not in my right mind. Everything had gone to shit and I felt really empty. I still do… Being not able to talk to you for a few days really made me think. I guess I’ve grown somehow attached to you. But also I know what I did was horrible. I can’t ask you to not be angry with me but please, let’s try to talk it out?

Yongsun wakes up to more text messages of Byulyi, each making her more confused of her own feelings. She is still hurt and angry, but now a tint of pride has found home in her heart too. Maybe Byulyi cares about her a little, after all. But no, she warns herself, she’s probably just lonely and needs someone to talk, not important who. And Yongsun being an easy target, she would say yes to everything Byulyi asks of her.

Not anymore.

**To: Byul-ah ^o^ (08.52)**

I don’t believe we have the same amount of respect we had for each other before that incident, Byulyi-sshi. Talking would resolve nothing. I’m sorry but please refrain from calling or texting from now on. I think it would be better for me to get you out of my life.

Yongsun’s heart hurts as she reads the harsh words she wrote. She said what’s needed to be said, so why is she on the verge of tears right now? She wonders how Byulyi will feel while reading her message. Will she care to fight back or will she accept Yongsun’s conditions right away?

**From: Byul-ah ^o^ (09.05)**

If you want me to stop bothering you with texts and calls, it’s okay

I think you have a wrong impression of me, and it’s okay too

But just so you know

Kim Yongsun, I won’t give up on you

Giving a meaning to Byulyi’s words is impossible. Yongsun is once again taken aback because of the blonde’s bold behaviour, this time declaring her desire to chase after Yongsun. She can’t bring herself to give the younger girl another harsh response, but doesn’t completely forgive either. She’s conflicted within her mind, trying to hinder herself from giving in to what her heart wants.

**To: Byul-ah ^o^ (09.07)**

Just do whatever you want

Her fingers linger on the keyboard, hesitating to write more. Write about how the other girl ruined her. Write about how her own heart felt heavy in her chest. Write how she felt like she was cheating when she talked to Joohyun, a gorgeous girl who cared about her and didn’t have such a emotional baggage.

She doesn’t. The words gets stuck on her fingertips, itching to be written yet gets silenced by her own will. She is her greatest enemy sometimes.

As she is about to give in, another text distracts her.

**From: Bae Joohyun (09.15)**

I can’t believe that i didn’t ask for your ig yet

Add me! Mine’s @baechuu

Yongsun smiles down at her phone and checks the app that she hadn’t touched in a long time. Only pictures she had posted are from three years ago, when she had some friends left. Her cheeks redden with embarrassment and she posts a cute selfie before following her. That was the least she could do to not look like a loser.

She immediately follows back, liking her selfie in an instant. Her profile looks gorgeous, every selfie she posted glows and she seems like she’s having the time of her life. She looks at her own profile again. Bad group photos with regrettable haircuts. She just facepalms, Joohyun is just too perfect.

Another notification sound distracts her. A comment.

@baechuu commented: such beauty ♡✧( ु•⌄• )

Yongsun giggles to herself before getting out of bed, feeling better all of a sudden. She gets in the shower, humming the happiest songs in her repertoire. Her phone buzzes once again when she’s singing along to Amy Winehouse. Did Joohyun comment again?

She shrugs and continues to rinse her hair. Her worries dissolve like the bubbles going down the drain. She shouldn’t care about what Moon Byulyi does, they were nothing more than friends. She doesn’t care about her other friends that she lost along the way of life, why should she start now?

 _“Valerie. Why don’t you come on over Valerie?”_ She sings as she steps out, covering her figure with a towel. Her fingers are fast to check the source of the notification. Her face changes as she reads it.

@moonstar liked your photo.

Yongsun frowns and decides in petty that she will not give her any pleasure. She presses reply and types.

@baechuu only because of yesterday’s company <3

Yongsun can’t believe that she had restored this much anger in herself towards Byulyi. She shakes her head and gets dressed. She has a shift in the convenience store afternoon, before going to work she would like to go job hunting. She doesn’t need complicated thoughts in her head today.

 

//

 

It’s been quite a while since Yongsun had a second date. She’s nervous to the point of thinking about faking a stomach ache. It’s not Joohyun who makes her hesitant, even though the woman herself is a goddess, it’s her lack of experience. She doesn’t remember how to behave. It’ll be alright, she tells herself. They had planned a classic date, dinner after cinema. There’s nothing to worry about. She leaves her apartment in confidence, ready to have some fun.

They meet up in front of the cinema building. Joohyun is looking breathtaking as always, she’s simply wearing jeans and a shirt but she’s, nevertheless, a sight to die for.

“Hi!” Joohyun holds a hand up and waves when she spots her, face caught up in a huge grin, “I got our tickets.”

Yongsun’s eyebrows shoot up. “You didn’t have to pay.”

“Ah, that’s okay.” Joohyun shrugs, “I wanted to.”

“But… Promise me that you’ll let me buy you coffee sometime, okay?”

“Permission granted.” Joohyun giggles, linking her arm with Yongsun’s, “Shall we?”

Hours later, they are sitting across each other in a diner, laughing together. Despite looking reserved and serious on the first glance, Joohyun has this side of her which is unexpectedly silly. Yongsun takes a mental note to thank Wheein for setting her up with such a person.

“So,” Joohyun’s giggles die down, she has a more thoughtful expression on her face now, “How about this Byulyi you’ve told me about? Any news?”

Yongsun’s smile freezes at the mention of Byulyi’s name. How can universe remind Yongsun of her every time she manages to hide her presence in the depths of her mind?

“She’s… I don’t know.” Yongsun answers honestly, “We’re not exactly on the speaking terms.”

“Does that make you sad?” Joohyun inquires, “I know this is a date and we’re not supposed to talk about your crush but I can’t help but wonder…”

“I understand.” Yongsun says, and she does really. She has a possibility of developing a romantic relationship with Joohyun, if she was in her place she would be curious too. “She texted me apologizing.”

“And?”

“I said it’s not possible for me to forgive her right now.” Yongsun explains, gaze fixed on her hands on the table. She doesn’t want to be unfair to Joohyun, since she’s the one who is on a date with her at the moment. Still, it’s clear that she hadn’t found the escape from the labyrinth that is Byulyi yet. “Then she said that she won’t give up on trying to make me forgive her.”

“What are the chances of her having feelings for you?” Joohyun asks, “She likes girls, so what’s the problem?”

Yongsun answers before she allows herself to dream. She doesn’t dare to. “Not possible. She had just gotten out of a long relationship and she doesn’t even know I like women too.”

Joohyun takes her time before answering, sipping her drink first. “That doesn’t indicate anything.” She states with a knowing stare, “Feelings are complicated, sometimes affection blooms where love for another dies out. It’s written on your face that you care a lot about her. Can you endure it if it becomes a what-if for you, for the rest of your life?”

Yongsun drums her fingers against the table, puzzled. “Isn’t it better to let go if it is hurting me? I don’t think she cares about me enough, let alone having romantic feelings. The day of our fight… how could she trust me so little if she had valued me as a friend?”

Joohyun shakes her head slightly. “She sounds like she has some trust issues. Which is reasonable, you told me about her parents.”

Yongsun is left speechless at the girl’s observation skills. “You’re right. But if she wanted to make up that badly, she would try to come to the convenience store I work in again.”

“She’s probably just giving you some space.” Joohyun argues, “Or is it the opposite of this you want?”

Yongsun grimaces, uncomfortable with the subject. “Why are you trying to push me towards her? Am I that bore of a date?”

Joohyun lets out a hearty laugh. “Quite the opposite actually. I’ve taken a liking of you. So naturally, I think that you’re someone who deserves happiness.”

“What makes you think that I can’t find happiness with you?”

Joohyun gives a half smile. “A love story without a beginning or an end.” She blurts out absentmindedly, “It’s going to be in the back of your mind forever.”

The way Joohyun talks is so captivating that it is almost like she’s speaking from experience. “Do you have someone like that?”

Joohyun chuckles. “Maybe yes, maybe no.” She dodges the question, “The thing is, you have to make a decision.”

Yongsun supports her head with her hand, huffing exasperatedly. “How can I? I can’t ever predict her!”

“Good thing that I can.” Joohyun giggles, “It’s simple, actually. If she has some hidden feelings for you, all it takes is a little push.”

“What kind of a push?” Yongsun asks dumbly, the nervousness she had dug in the pits of her stomach coming back.

“Jealousy!” Joohyun says, holding her index finger up, “Luckily, I’m here.”

“I have a hard time following.”

“Do you trust me?”

“Erm… Joohyun-sshii, it’s the second time I see you.”

Joohyun’s laugh echoes in the diner, making other customers turn and look at them. “True. But I’m not going to do something weird, I swear. Let’s just upload a photo together, huh?”

“Okay..” Yongsun is still skeptic about their agreement. “But what are you getting out of this?”

“You play fair.” Joohyun states, she hold her chin as if she’s thinking, “We’re dating casually, right? Let’s continue for a while.”

Yongsun gulps, “What do you mean?”

“I bet this Byulyi likes you and I am actually invested in you two’s story. But you are too… inexperienced to jump in a serious relationship, or at least you wouldn't want to have a ‘fling’ with her.” Joohyun says smirking. “Let’s date and have fun for a while, as long as you want. And if a day comes and you tell me that she has come crawling back to you, I’ll happily watch you to get together. What do you say?”

Yongsun looks at the girl in front of her with awe written all over her face. Yongsun knows that she had been out of the dating game for a while now and she has no idea how these things work between girls. Joohyun is a genius with this, her idea was simple yet intriguing. Yongsun thinks about denying it, anxiety building up in her but she shakes her head slightly and smiles at the goddess in front of her.

“I think you are a dating guru, Joohyun-nim.” She says, bowing slightly with sarcasm. “So, what do we do now?”

Joohyun grins and takes her phone from her hands. “Just pose for a selfie and I’ll handle the rest. But you have to be okay with coming out to your followers.”

Yongsun nods after thinking for a second, thinking about the fifty followers she has, not that she actually is in touch with any of them. Oh well.

After a few minutes, Joohyun gives her phone back and posts something from her instagram as well. “Now we wait.” She says leaning back with a smile. “Shouldn’t take long.”

Yongsun checks her own account with curiosity. Her eyes widen as she reads the caption under their cute selfie.

@yongdonnie: movie dates never get old <3

Yongsun looks at Joohyun with shock on her face. “I thought we’d be more subtle.” 

“Subtleness doesn't work well with girls.” 

So, they wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> does the text conversations look weird in the middle? it was kind of hard to tell them apart from the paragraphs so... tell me what you think please :) (also, thanks for reading love y'all)


	14. Crash Landing

Byulyi’s afraid she’s getting a bit obsessed. Well, she wouldn’t describe it as such an ugly word. 

She’s merely more conscious. 

Of course, she had known that Yongsun is a woman before, a very pretty one too. She was aware of her overwhelming affection for her in the months they had spent together. Even though Yongsun liked to act like the opposite, she knew that the elder would say yes to anything she asked her to.

But now with all of those gone, Byulyi is left drowning in her own pool of regret.

She’s been trying to give Yongsun some space, not pressuring her to forgive Byulyi. Because, she isn’t obligated to magically give Byulyi another chance just because she asked her to, that’s understandable. What Byulyi can’t give a meaning to is, of course, a whole different thing. Who is that woman with the pretty face? When she first saw Yongsun’s post, she thought that it’s a friend. But then again, the caption suggests that they’re romantically involved. But how can this happen? Byulyi can’t reason with herself. Until that moment, she had been so sure of Yongsun’s heterosexuality. The major point she had been missing is that all of those was her own assumptions. 

A date, she thinks for the millionth time, since when are they dating? Byulyi isn’t very sure of why she is so curious of the elder’s dating life suddenly. She can’t help but think, they’ve spent a good amount of time together over the past months, if Yongsun likes someone of the same gender, shouldn’t it be Byulyi? 

She shakes her head as a way of showing dissatisfaction with herself. Incoherent thoughts never seem to leave her mind since she had had that horrible fight with Yongsun. The cashier can like anybody she wants, what is it to Byulyi? She tries to tell herself that she doesn’t care, but that wouldn’t really explain why she had just spent a good half an hour on the mystery woman’s profile. She is pretty, seems to have a decent job, she’s probably a sweetheart and damn Kim Yongsun doesn’t let Byulyi sleep nowadays.

It’s stupid to think that Yongsun’s going to drop Byulyi and start a new life with this ‘baechuu’. Their friendship is stronger than this, right? Byulyi likes to think that they have established a bond. If she had to name five people who understands her the best, one of them would be Yongsun. They can’t just stop talking to each other like little kids because of a stupid mistake Byulyi did. First of all, Byulyi is sick of losing people. Her family, Seulgi… They all leave in one way or another and Byulyi won’t let the same thing happen with Yongsun. No way in hell.

It’s been three days since she last talked to Yongsun. Since she found her… sexual orientation, her mind slowly seeped into the gutter, making her wonder that if she hadn’t been so blind and well, an asshole, would she have a chance? 

Yongsun is all she can ever want, she’s passionate, affectionate, intelligent and caring. She is like a ray of sunshine. Or was actually, before Byulyi put out her light as if it was nothing. 

Burying her head in her pillow once again, Byulyi screamed in frustration. She can not handle these feelings. 

She feels the thoughts she usually ignores when it comes to heterosexual women cross her mind and the attraction is suffocating her. She also can’t shake off the guilt of liking someone this soon after she broke up with Seulgi, whom she still loves. She knows, her logic knows that she and Seulgi are over and all that is left is their friendship but she can’t help herself, she can’t help but feel like she’s somehow cheating on her. 

With hesitating moves, her fingers slide across her phone screen in search of something. When she sees her name on the screen, she presses the video symbol. 

After a few rings, Seulgi picks up looking flushed as if she was running. “Hello? Unnie?”

“Hey ba-Seulgi.” She corrects herself and sits up on the bed. “If it’s a bad time, I can call later.” 

Seulgi sits down somewhere and drinks her water hurriedly. “No, no! I was just running for a bit, the weather is just beautiful.”

“I’m glad, you seem happy.” says Byulyi smiling at her dongsaeng. “How are things going?” 

“I found a house for rent, I am going to come back in two weeks and pack my stuff but right now I’m just using all the stuff university provides. Y'know, pool, gym and library. Fun times.” 

A brief silence tries to settle between them but Seulgi is quick to dismiss it. “You seem good too unnie! You look prettier, if that was possible.”

“Seulgi… I… I called to ask you something.” says Byulyi refusing to look at her screen, knowing that the younger is there, looking at her is somehow unnerving. “Are you emotionally… okay? Like, do you think you are ready for a new relationship of any sorts?”

Even if Byulyi doesn’t look, she can feel her calculating eyes on her screen. She sighs loudly. “Unnie… I don’t know what you want me to say. I am not thinking about a new relationship, mainly because there isn’t anyone I’m interested in. Even if there was somebody, I wouldn't probably get into a serious relationship right this second but that’s just me.” Says Seulgi in a tired voice. “If you are trying to ask if it's okay for you to like and go after Yongsun-unnie, you don’t have to. I am not your girlfriend anymore and as a friend, I can see you being happy with her. So, if you have the chance, get on with it. Even if you still feel hung up on our relationship, you know it will go away after a while. Don't let our good memories get into the way of your new ones.”

Byulyi gives a thoughtful expression for a few moments. Even though she doesn’t feel that burning pain anymore over her past relationship with Seulgi, she can’t say she’s completely left it all behind. However, the lingering thoughts of Yongsun has taken over her mind, not leaving room for any more Seulgi themed daydreams. In a way, Seulgi’s right, a future with Yongsun has the potential to be something amazing and Byulyi can’t delay the possibility of seizing the opportunity just because of her own doubts. She had let her mixed feelings take over once, and look where that got her.

“You can be right.” Byulyi answers, then adds with a small smile, “How do you know it’s Yongsun?”

Seulgi mimics her own grin. “You know, after all those years, I still know you the best.”

Byuyi’s face reddens as she tries to protest, “You don’t think that I- I mean, when we were dating, I wasn’t-”

“Also, I noticed the way you checked her out.” Seulgi jokes, “Don’t worry, I did a little too.”

“You brat!” Byulyi fakes a hurt expression, “You scared me, you know.”

Byulyi had forgotten how easy it was to just to talk to Seulgi. She is glad that her affection towards the younger had transformed into a more stable kind of love, the sort that makes one warm inside. 

“Sorry.” Seulgi apologizes after a moment, she had accidentally pressed the screen and the camera had turned, revealing the streets of New York. She sets it on front camera again, the phone a lot more closer than necessary. “Why am I so bad with technology?”

Byulyi smiles for real for the first time in a few weeks. “That’s because I’m the one who’s good with technology. You never had to do something.”

“Well, I had to give you this at least. Otherwise you would only have inappropriate flirting.” says Seulgi giggling. “Do you remember that one time that waiter guy didn’t get the message of us dating and hit on you like, the entire dinner?”

Byulyi laughs when the memory plays once again in her mind. It was their anniversary and she left with a guy’s number from the restaurant. They got free dessert but nevertheless it wasn’t that pleasant when Seulgi was kicking her under the table for misleading the guy. 

“Well, he started it and I only winked, like, one time.” 

Seulgi gives her an annoyed look and sighs in frustration. “Well, now I’m glad that I’m not Yongsun-unnie. Putting up with you has its hardships.”

Byulyi’s face falls instantly and she looks down. “She isn’t probably planning on putting up with me anyways.” She says, disappointment evident in her voice. “We are not exactly on the speaking terms right now.” 

“What did you do?” asks Seulgi in an accusing tone. 

Then Byulyi tells her everything she had been bottling up. Seulgi listens to her without making a sound, only encouraging her to continue in appropriate places. 

“...And I’m really sorry that I’m telling you of all people about this. I don’t think you are really comfortable about hearing my love life.” 

“Hmm…” Seulgi pouts, “Sorry to break it to you but the things you told… I don’t really think that’s about your love life. I don’t see a love situation per se, more like you broke her heart and trust and just found out she likes girls. So, it’s natural for you to embrace the thoughts of her as an attractive woman.” She holds her chin between her fingers, “I think you just need to find a good way to apologize, the rest should come easily.” Byulyi nods, once again feeling grateful for Seulgi’s consultancy. But she has the want to retreat her thoughts as she hears Seulgi’s next sentence. “By the way, I follow Yongsun unnie on Instagram and the girl she’s seeing is…  _ wow _ .”

 

//

 

After hours of tossing and turning in the bed, Byulyi decides on taking action at last. She lifts her phone from where she had tossed it to a few hours ago and opens taps on the screen several times. In just a small moment, she’s faced with Yongsun’s profile, now decorated with several pictures of her and this Joohyun girl. Byulyi doesn’t understand, why hadn’t Yongsun ever ask her to take pictures with her and then upload it? They must’ve had that kind of closeness before. Her fingers hover over the direct message button, unsure of what to do. 

It takes bravery to shape up a life, she thinks, she will not let hers to get lost in the riptide.

_ @yongdonnie i know i said that i won’t text or call… but does that count too? _

She humors herself with the possibility of Yongsun waiting for a text from her. All those love she gave her before couldn’t have disappeared in seconds, right? Or maybe her tenderness shifted over to the girl she’s seeing.

_ @moonstar of course it counts…i’m writing this because i feel like you’ll keep messaging  _

Byulyi chooses to be open with her emotions for this once, because she needs to transmit the message clear.

_ @yongdonnie it’s because i miss you _

The ‘typing…’’ sign appears a few slowed down seconds after the one that says ‘seen’. Then it stops, reappears, and then stops again.

_ @moonstar i find it hard to believe when you haven’t tried anything other than messaging me on social media _

_ @yongdonnie what do you want me to do… i don’t want to pressure you and i’ve told you i’m sorry  _

_ @moonstar please don’t argue further… i’m tired _

Byulyi tosses her phone aside and reaches to a sole conclusion. She has to see Yongsun.

 

//

 

“So, let me rephrase that.” Ahn Heeyeon sits on Byulyi’s kitchen counter, with a grimace evident on her face. “Your family cut all of their ties with you. You and Seulgi broke up. And now you like this other chick?”

Byulyi nods, getting ready for the harsh reaction.

“Moon Byulyi! You are the worst!” Heeyeon exclaims, “How could you keep all of this from us?!”

Seokjin stops scrambling the eggs he had put in a bowl to interrupt their conversation. He is giving a sly smirk to Byulyi as he fuels the fire of the girl who just returned from the U.K. a day ago. “That’s what I’ve been telling her.”

Heeyeon looks like she’s either about to punch Byulyi or never talk to her ever again. So, Byulyi tries to defend herself. 

“I didn’t want to worry you when you had a thesis to write!” She shoots back, “Plus I survived, right?”

Heeyeon’s mouth forms a thin line. “It is unbelievably bad to bottle up your feelings! I’ve studied psychology, trust me. Do you know what happens after you’ve had enough? You blow up, Byulyi, boom!” She makes a dramatic explosion gesture with her hands at the end of her sentence, just to prove her point.

“Not to be cocky but even I could say that with a culinary degree.” Seokjin adds absentmindedly and then proceeds to go on with his work, not paying attention to their banter anymore.

“Yeah, I know, I know.” Byulyi admits, defeated, “I did blow up in the end. I’m sorry I didn’t share my worries.” 

Heeyeon puts a hand on Byulyi’s shoulder. “You can be pretty dumb sometimes, you know.”

“Says you.” Byulyi argues but there’s no hardness in her voice, “I’ve missed you.”

“Missed you too, little one.” Heeyeon replies with a huge grin, and hopps off the counter she’s sitting. “But you deserve a slap.”

Byulyi huffs, she knows she was wrong but having the same reaction from three different people is kind of tiring. “You’re not that much taller than me. I don’t know why you keep saying that.”

Heeyeon ignores her comment, goes over to eat some of the ramen Seokjin made instead. The trio falls into a silence until Byulyi asks with an unsure voice.

“That’s it?”

“Huh?” Heeyeon lifts her head up from her bowl, mouth full of food. “What do you want me to say?”

“I need.. uhm, some relationship advice.”

Heeyeon swallows her bite immediately, and turns to Seokjin. “So, she was serious?”

“Hey!” Byulyi warns, “I’m right here.”

“Yeah, she was.” Seokjin answers, rolling his eyes at Byul. He takes a seat beside Heeyeon. 

“Can you believe what she did?”

They both shake their heads simultaneously, making Byulyi frustrated. “Ah, Byul, you want me to give advice to you on my first day back to Seoul?” Heeyeon whines.

“...Yes.” 

Heeyeon’s loud characteristic laugh echoes in Byulyi’s apartment, making the other two smile as well.

“Okay.” Heeyeon agrees, “Wouldn’t have it any other way.” She glances over to Seokjin once again, “How bad is it?”

“Remember in senior year of high school she kept talking about that junior from the music club? It’s like that but with more… drama.”

Heeyeon nods with determination. “What about the girl she has a crush on?”

“She’s dating this another girl.” Seokjin explains, “Byulyi, show her.”

Disgruntled but on command, Byulyi unlocks her phone and opens the instagram app. Heeyeon takes the device from her hands impatiently, and starts to scroll down on Yongsun’s profile. After a few minutes of silence passing with Heeyeon’s reactions to Yongsun’s -and baechuu’s- pictures, she finally closes the app.

“She’s cute.” Heeyeon comments, “Good taste, Byul.” Heeyeon giggles a little before continuing, “On the other hand, Yongsun-unnie has some good taste too. Because that Joohyun woman… just wow.” 

“Seulgi said the same thing.” Byulyi broods, “She’s like a lesbian magnet.”

“You talked to Seulgi, your ex, about this?” Heeyeon repeats in shock, “Whatever, you guys were weirdly close.” She waves a dismissive hand. “So, I’ve never met this Yongsun unnie but I trust you. You may have my humble advice.”

“Are you sure you’re not doing this just because if Byul gets together with Yongsun noona, Joohyun noona would be single?”

“Not answering that.” Heeyeon shifts her attention to Byulyi, “What is her opinion of you?”

“Uh, I was pretty sure she really liked me, romantic or not. I mean, I thought she was straight, but now seeing she’s not… it’s possible she had a crush on me.” Byulyi explains clumsily, “Wow, Yongsun unnie had a crush on me.”

Seokjin rolls his eyes. “Then? Go ask her out.”

“No!” Byulyi protests, “The last time we talked she said she finds it hard to believe that I want to make up because I didn’t try anything else other than messaging her. But she told me to not contact her! What was I supposed to do?”

“It seems to me that she’s very confused, which is understandable considering that you hurt her.” Heeyeon takes her chopsticks again, “So, it’s you who has to be clear. Make it obvious to her that you want something to happen between you.”

“But she won’t even talk to me properly.” Byulyi plomps down on a chair, “Why did I have to say something so stupid?”

“Suggestion!” Heeyeon says, “Let’s start Operation Greasy.”

“Oh, no.” Seokjin crosses his arms, his expression is sour as if he just remembered all the times he had been exposed to Greasy Byulyi ™ .

“Be yourself, flirt with her.” Heeyeon smiles, but somehow her smile is kind of insulting. “You are... charming, you know.”

“So, what you’re suggesting is,” Byulyi repeats, “That I should make those stupid flirty comments and then she’ll be so frustrated that she’ll talk to me.”

“You can’t say it didn’t work before.” Heeyeon shrugs, and grabs Byulyi’s phone again with an agile move. “Let me start now.”

“AHN HEEYEON, GIVE IT BACK.”

Byulyi’s quick to react, she leaps forward to take the phone back from Heeyeon but the brown haired girl is faster. 

“Aw, stop screaming, Jin hold her down.”

Five minutes later Byulyi’s sulking in the living room while Heeyeon and Jin are eating and talking together, with her phone in hand and staring at a message.

**_To: Yongsun unnie (15.02)_ **

_ The weather was bad today because I didn’t get to see you. _

 

//

 

The ‘seen’ sign has been mocking Byulyi for four days. Damn Heeyeon. Byulyi should never have trusted her. Now, she’s both embarrassed and Yongsun-less. She probably thinks that Byulyi’s weird and creepy. 

On the other hand, Yongsun had stated that she expected more effort from Byulyi. In a way, Byulyi has to try a bit more to win over the elder’s heart.

With these kind of thoughts going over in her head, Byulyi dresses herself up, absentmindedly gets up and leaves her apartment. Her subconscious knows where she’s headed but she tells herself that she’s only going out for a walk. Whoever goes to walks late at night in designer clothes is beyond Byulyi. 

Finally arriving at her destination, she peeks inside the café, it looks warm and cozy. 

There she is.

After being away from her for so long, Byulyi had almost forgot about the way Yongsun contained sunshine in her smile. Dimples showing up, her white teeth is captured in a beautiful grin directed at the barista. 

The elder still not spotting her presence, she steps in. She’s shocked to see how many customers are there to hear Yongsun sing. The blonde scolds herself for not coming sooner, how could she be so disinterested in Yongsun’s life?  

Careful not to be seen, she takes a seat near the door. Her eyes are hungry, watching Yongsun’s every move attentively. She is still talking with the barista, who Byulyi recognizes as the one that was there during their fight, while sipping her coffee. It’s silly, and hard to explain but Byulyi finds herself yearning for little details about Yongsun. Her contagious laugh, chubby cheeks and her blunt responses when she’s faced with Byulyi’s teasing comments… She’s agonizingly close, yet she’s within an untouchable distance, protected by the walls Byulyi had built with her harsh words.

Finally, Yongsun walks over to the small stage and sits down on a chair. When she starts singing, Byulyi’s curiosity evokes once again. If Byulyi were to describe her voice, she would say ethereal. Yongsun’s tone puts every other sound to shame, so admirable that Byulyi wants to hear it for the rest of her life. She is so, so immensely beautiful. Both on the inside and the outside, in all the ways possible. An unusual feeling settles in Byulyi’s stomach, a kind she had never felt before. Yongsun is a warm, welcoming home and Byulyi feels so unbelievably lost, all her time on earth she doesn’t know how she had put up with being without Yongsun. She’s in a trance while clapping along politely with other customers, all her sentiments are occupied by Yongsun. Never in her life Byulyi remembers she has felt so fond of someone. Yongsun had grown so slowly yet firmly into her heart that if Byulyi stopped time at that moment, she could almost see the fresh scars in her own chest from their hearts intertwining with the threads of the newborn love on the horizon of their fate. It’s as if she was blind until this moment.

Yongsun’s song is over now, and she’s looking at the small crowd with grateful eyes. If Byulyi wishes to not be seen, she has to leave now. 

Their eyes meet and Byulyi swears she had felt the electricity. Her heart gets filled with bravery after a long time, and she does not avert her eyes, letting their gazes dance on each other. Yongsun’s mouth parts with shock but she pulls herself together for the sake of the crowd. Byulyi fools herself with believing that there was a ghost of a smile in the corner of her lips as she focuses her eyes to the music sheet in front of her. Not long after she starts another song, a slow, sensual beat. 

Byulyi gets up from her spot and walks over to the bar. The barista’s eyes shine with recognition as she comes closer. “Hi.” He smiles a bit, “Are you here to listen Yongsun?”

Byulyi nods, eyes still watching the petite figure on the stage. “How much time is left until she finishes?”

The man runs a hand through his hair as he thinks. “Uhm, today’s not weekend. So, this must be the last song.”

“Can I get two americanos, please?” Byulyi says hurriedly, “And a pen.”

Even if the man finds Byulyi’s request strange, he doesn’t say a word. “Coming right up.” He gives Byulyi the pen he uses to write names on cups. “Here you go.

“Can you give me the cup before you fill it?” She asks, noticing that the man in front of her is looking at her suspiciously. But then he shrugs and hands one of the cups to her. Byulyi scribbles on the carton and sets it on the counter when she finishes. 

“Can you give this to Yongsun unnie please?” She asks to the barista who nods and takes the coffee cup with a determined look on his face and goes to fill them up. 

“Sure.” He says, “Also, here’s your coffee.”

“Thank you...” Byulyi says, smiling at Yongsun’s coworker and reads his name tag. “Kim Minseok-sshi.”

Byulyi still has a smile on her face from seeing Yongsun after she pays up and leaves the coffee shop, at ease.

Maybe she can win Yongsun’s heart, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so.. i just realized we made everyone gay in this fic   
> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	15. Warm

_ I thought the coffee was warm but your smile is the warmest ♡ _

Yongsun reads Byulyi’s scrambled handwriting over and over again, just like she did it with the book she gave her weeks ago. She can’t hide the rapid beating of her heart from herself, as well as the heat radiating from her pinkish cheeks. Byulyi was wrong, the warmest is Yongsun’s heart, filled with the desire to curl up under a blanket somewhere and daydream about Byulyi. She tries to control the smile on her face, lifts her head up and finds Minseok directly grinning at her.

“How are things between you two?” 

Yongsun finds comfort in denial half because of habit, and other half because she isn’t ready to confess to herself that she forgave Byulyi just like that. “T-things? What things? There are no things!”

The man’s eyebrows rise in suspicion. He leans against the counter casually.  “Are you sure about that, warm smile?”

“Did you read the note? That’s intrusive.” Yongsun protests in a vain attempt to change the topic.

“She literally handed it to me.” Minseok says, matter of factly and then shrugs, “Okay, if you don’t want to talk about it, we won’t.”

After approximately a minute of uncomfortable silence, Yongsun can’t stop herself anymore and says, “So, did she explain why did she leave?”

Minseok gives her a look and grimaces. “She said she had a date.”

Yongsun’s heart sinks with disappointment. How does she invest herself in such false hope Byulyi gives her every time? She’s truly pathetic in a way. “A date? Good for her, I guess.” She gives the cup back to Minseok, “I think I’ll go home and rest, throw the cup in the trash, will you?”

“But, a minute ago you were almost cuddling with the cup.” Minseok inquires, “Are you sure you won’t keep it?”

“Yes.” Yongsun’s reply is firm, she’s not going to be Moon Byulyi’s chew toy again. 

“It’s from your special friend.” Minseok presses, face battling with a smile, “Very, very special friend.”

“I don’t want it.” Yongsun concludes, “She can give more cups to her date.”

With this remark, Minseok bursts in laughter, leaving Yongsun horribly confused. “You care! You totally care!” He points at her, “Oh man, you were so jealous.”

“What?”

“There is no date.” Minseok giggles, “I made that up. She just watched you for a bit, she had a smile on her face and then left you this. She looked a bit like a kicked puppy.”

Not taking pleasure in being fooled, Yongsun crosses her arms. “You are horrible. I can’t wait to stop working here.”

“Ouch.” Minseok hands her the cup back, “Just because I unleashed the green monster in you.”

“Shush.” Yongsun warns, “Now tell me, was she really like a kicked puppy?”

//

The next morning, she wakes up to a text.

**_From: Byul-ah ^o^ (07.43)_ **

_ Hope you have the best day. (Mine won’t be so good if I won’t see you _ _ ~ _ _ ) _

If Yongsun’s reading this in the right way, Byulyi’s flirting with her. Yongsun tries to tell herself that she’s looking too much into this but the proof is evident between the lines. 

What a lame, cheesy, overused, horrible, annoying way to court someone, Yongsun thinks, the worst part of it all is, it’s working. The cold behaviour she had demonstrated towards Byulyi is melting because of the heat on her cheeks, because of Byulyi’s warm words, because of a single cup of coffee and a look full of admiration from across the room. A part of Yongsun gets mad at herself, even after months of pining after the blonde, she’s still at where she had first started. A desperate girl relying on a shaky affair. She’s itching to be the subject of Byulyi’s affections and even though she was mad at her not so long ago, every emotion of hers had changed when Byulyi showed the tiniest bit of interest towards her. She knows that her relationship with Byulyi was meant to be fragile when she had given the control of it in Byulyi’s hands in the beginning as she held the only way of the communication between them; visiting the convenience store. Maybe Byulyi unknowingly tied Yongsun to herself by giving small doses of herself to Yongsun every day. Her kindness, her ambitions, her pretty smile, her whole being had caused Yongsun to be addicted to her. Perhaps love is a strong craving for an individual after all.

She takes her phone in her hands, unsure of what to write back. She fiddles with some apps and settles on finally pressing the call button.

The other side of the line picks up just after a few rings. “Yongsun?”

“Do you think I’m too soft hearted?” Yongsun is quick to ask, “Or am I just… I don’t know…”

She hears Joohyun sigh before starting to speak. “What do you mean?”

“Byulyi… I’m thinking about forgiving her.” Yongsun sulks, “But, why do I feel weak?”

“Hmm…” Joohyun is silent for a while, “Let’s have a date tonight, okay? Then we can talk about it. I am kind of busy at work now.”

“Oh.” Yongsun’s embarrassed, sometimes she forgets that most people have regular work hours. “I’m sorry. See you tonight.”

“Wait, Yongsun!” Joohyun calls for her before she hangs up, “Remember the open position I told you about? I arranged an interview for you.”

Yongsun lets out a loud squeal, _over the_ _moon_ suddenly. “Really? You’re the best! I was losing hope.”

Joohyun groans, “Eardrums, Yong.” But then she continues by giggling, “And you’re welcome. I only did it because you’re pretty.”

“Well, then that would mean that they only allow cute people to work there.” Yongsun plays along, “Since you work there too.”

“Wow, you’re getting good at flirting.” Joohyun states sarcastically, “My heart almost fluttered. Moon Byulyi should brace herself.”

Yongsun giggles. “Shut it and go back to work.” 

After she hangs up, she guesses it’s okay to hold out an olive branch.

**_To: Byul-ah ^o^ (09.32)_ **

_ Thanks, you too _

//

Heated kisses, roaming hands and guilt are the only things that’s in Yongsun’s mind as she gets lost in Joohyun’s warm embrace. Obviously, she’s a single woman. Yet she doesn’t know why she feels so tied to Byulyi in a way that makes her feel as if she owes her an explanation for all of this.

She pulls away from Joohyun for a second, and she’s greeted by the other woman’s lust filled eyes. Yongsun gulps.

“I think we should stop.”

The hands that was wrapped around her waist drop to Joohyun’s sides in a split second, and she rests her head against Yongsun’s sofa. They both try to control their breathing as they study each other’s faces. Joohyun doesn’t particularly look mad or irritated, just a bit disheveled. Her jet black hair tousled to the side and her lips kiss swollen, lipstick marks all over her face, her shirt is slightly pulled sideways exposing the porcelain skin of her shoulder. Yongsun can’t help the satisfaction creep on her. Wow, I did that, she thinks dumbly.

“Are you thinking about her again?” Joohyun asks, looking up to her.

Yongsun sees no use in denying. “It’s weird, isn’t it?”

Joohyun gives a gentle smile, pulling her legs under her and sitting cross legged. “Lots of people think of other people when they kiss someone. At least you’re honest about it.”

“Still I feel bad for you.” Yongsun tries to explain, “And then I feel bad for Byulyi…”

Joohyun holds a hand out to squeeze Yongsun’s cheek. “You’re cute.” She compliments, “Don’t feel bad for me, I knew what I signed up for when I agreed to this.” She lets go of Yongsun’s cheek, leaving a slight pinkness, “Besides, I value this friendship. You’re fun to be with.” Yongsun looks down in shyness as if to hide herself from the compliments. Her face gets unbelievably red when she hears Joohyun’s next words. “Though, I could use a cold shower right now.”

“Hyun!”

Joohyun laughs, and waves a dismissive hand. “Anyway, what is the thing that’s bothering you?”

Yongsun takes her time to organize her thoughts. “Lately she’s been apologizing. But why do I feel like she’s courting me?”

“She probably is, Yongsun.”

“But… why?”

“Because you’re pretty, nice and, mind if I tell you, a great kisser.” Joohyun deadpans, “You’re a bit dense, did you know that? She sounds a bit dense too, maybe that’s why you two are like that.”

“Like what?”

“As if you two are opposite sides of a magnet. You take pride in trying to withdraw yourself from each other but, in the end, you are drawn to each other.” 

Yongsun doesn’t want to admit that she can be right. Even though she doesn’t confirm her with words, her eyes probably give her mind away. “You know,” She changes the subject, “It’s good to have you as my mentor.”

“Your mentor?”

“Yes,” Yongsun says, “You’re my… my sunbae in lesbianism.”

“Your sunbae in lesbianism.” Joohyun repeats in an amused tone, “Yongsun-ah, we’re the same age. I can’t be your sunbae. If so, what about Wheein?”

“I have a reputation to uphold towards Wheein.” Yongsun crosses her arms, “Just take the compliment, will y-”

Her sentence gets cut by the persistent doorbell. The pair on the couch look at each other in a questioning manner.

“You are expecting someone?”

“I’m not.” Yongsun assures, “That’s weird, I don’t get many guests.”

Joohyun gets up from the sofa, signing to the direction of the door with her head. “Let’s open it.”

“Why are you coming with me?” Yongsun asks to the other girl while they’re walking side by side towards the door.

“It could be a killer, you know.”

“You run away whenever you see a bug bigger than a size of a nut. What use are you going to be against a murderer?”

“I ran away because you’ve been screaming like your life depended on it.” Joohyun argues back, “You’re no better.”

Yongsun laughs at the girl as she makes a move towards to the door. She grabs the handle and opens it, revealing a slim figure.

There Byulyi is, wearing black skinny jeans and a oversized hoodie. Her face is supporting a strange expression, like it’s torn between doubt and persistence, she’s obviously there for a reason but the tiniest bit of self-preservation left in her heart makes her retract the hand she had used to knock with a hint of insecurity. They silently stare at each other for a moment, Yongsun’s aware that Byulyi is taking in her freshly kissed appearance. She regards her with a disturbed look, and turns her eyes towards Joohyun. Yongsun sees her gulp and avert her gaze when she puts two and two together. 

“I’m sorry I came without telling.” Byulyi speaks at last, her voice is low, “You’re clearly busy.”

Yongsun is in a state of shock, so she turns to Joohyun, hoping that she will say something. 

“You must be Byulyi-sshi!” Joohyun tries to melt the ice, “I was just leaving so come in, eh?”

Byul looks at her then, all of her attention is on Joohyun. She sizes her up with her eyes, and finally answers. “I’m not interrupting anything?” Her words have a bitter edge, Yongsun notices.

“Not at all.” Joohyun reassures the blonde, and gives Yongsun’s shoulder a squeeze. Joohyun collects her purse and she’s out of the door before Yongsun can protest.

They fall into an uncomfortable silence. Yongsun doesn’t know how it is so hard to just say something.

“Your girlfriend.” Byulyi says, “Are you happy with her?”

Surprised by Byulyi’s direct question, Yongsun lifts her eyes to meet with hers. She has a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “She’s not really my girlfriend.”

“What about the dates you’ve been going then?” 

“In what position you’re asking me this?” Yongsun fumes all of a sudden. This shuts Byulyi up.

The younger sighs. “Look, I’m not here to fight. Can I please come in?”

Yongsun moves a bit so she’s not blocking the entrance. She tips her head to the side and Byulyi steps in.

“It has been a while.”

Yongsun appreciates the weak attempt at small talk, so she decides on helping her.

Another olive branch.

“Yeah, it certainly has been.” Yongsun gestures to the sofa she had been sitting with Joohyun just a while ago, “Have a seat. Do you want something to drink?”

“Uh, water please.” Byulyi plops on the sofa, and looks at Yongsun with calculating eyes, “If it’s not any trouble.”

A moment later, Yongsun hands Byulyi the water and watches her gulp down the entire glass in one go. They sit like that for a while, with Byulyi’s fingers tapping on her empty glass and Yongsun trying to look anywhere but Byulyi. 

“You are awfully quiet compared to the texts you’ve been sending.” Yongsun hadn’t meant to be cynical, but she sees Byulyi’s taken aback face and realizes that she had said the wrong thing.

“I rehearsed the whole thing in my head before coming.” Byulyi puts her glass on the coffee table. “But you haven’t been following the script.”

Yongsun snorts, finally relaxing a little. She’s reminded that this is Byulyi she’s talking to. “Haven’t received it.”

“I’ll text you beforehand next time.”

“Text the time and place too.” Yongsun smiles, “That way I won’t have guests over.”

Byulyi’s grin finally finds her eyes, and when she talks again she sounds a lot more like the goofy girl she had met months ago. “Maybe I should scare away all your girlfriends with that method.” 

“Showing up at my house unannounced?” Yongsun says absentmindedly, “I don’t think Joohyun was really scared.”

“So, she  _ is  _ your girlfriend.” Byulyi holds her index finger up. “Checkmate.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Yongsun giggles, “She’s not my girlfriend. We’ve just been on a few dates.”

Byulyi’s eyebrows shoot up. “So, any spark? You like her? She likes you?” 

“No, I don’t think it’s going anywhere.”

A bright smile settles on Byulyi’s face, nose scrunching up. “Interesting. That didn’t seem like the case when she left here covered in lipstick.”

Yongsun’s mouth curls up in an amused smile, supporting her head with her hand she asks, “Can’t I have casual fun?”

“I didn’t say you couldn’t.” says Byulyi, a semi uncomfortable expression settles on her face. “You just don’t seem like the type”

“Oh, don’t I?” 

“You don’t. You seem like a person that I would love to cuddle not pick up at a bar one day and forget the next morning.”

Yongsun’s eyebrows raise in shock. “Seems like you’re speaking from experience?” She says, challenging Byulyi. “Do I have to conform to your expectations? Can’t I live my youth?”

“I didn’t say that! How do you take this out of a sentence in which I literally say that I want to cuddle with you?”

Yongsun crosses her arms and pouts a bit. “Why do you feel the need to question my lifestyle when all you want to do is get a confession out of your chest? Say what it is you want without dragging Joohyun into this.”

Byulyi is silent for a moment, her eyes slowly trace her face, her expression is similar to a scolded toddler. She finally sighs. “I’m sorry. You’re right.” She says with a tired look. “It’s just that… I felt insecure. I felt like she’s replacing me, you two seem to have a  _ good _ time.”

Yongsun examines her for a second, even if she is hinting at something she isn’t courageous enough to say out loud yet, her eyes vouch for her honesty and sincerity. There is a short silence that follows until Byulyi decides to make sure.

“Okay, just for the record.” Byulyi talks quickly, “Are we good now?”

How can Yongsun say no?

“We’re good.” She confirms, “But you’re on thin ice.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Byulyi answers jokingly, but then her voice turns serious, “I’ve missed you.”

She leans forward a little, Yongsun can see the expectation in her eyes. The elder allows herself to be enveloped in a bone crushing hug from Byulyi, enjoying their close proximity after a long time. 

“You’re so dumb.” She mumbles against Byulyi’s shoulder, “Do you know any idea about how dumb you are?”

Byulyi giggles. “Well, you still forgave me.” 

“Your undying persistence helped.” Yongsun says with a muffled voice. “I forgave you to shut you up.”

Byulyi rubs Yongsun’s back. “Whatever you say, I’ll act as if I’m convinced for now.”

Yongsun tries to slap Byulyi’s shoulder lightly in a joking manner but her hand is stopped halfway as Byulyi grabs it, an entertained expression spreading all over her face. She lets go of her arm in order to take her hand instead, eyes looking right into Yongsun’s brown orbs, through her soul.

“I’m sorry.” Byulyi speaks in a soft voice, “I shouldn’t have thought so lowly of you.”

“It’s okay.” Yongsun replies, and at that moment it really is. She finally understands Byulyi, sees the sincerity in her eyes.

“It’s not though.” Byulyi huffs in protest, “You are an amazing person. It’s just… I was paranoid, you know? At that moment, it felt like everything was a big lie. I was drowning in my own deception, my mess of a life. I’m truly sorry for doubting you.”

Yongsun fixes her gaze on their joined hands, squeezes Byulyi’s before she starts to speak. She talks with the responsibility of changing the whole state of their relationship with her next words. “You did your best to make yourself forgiven, you’re sorry. What else is left to do?” Yongsun smiles. “Let your worries go, please.”

It’s only when Byulyi lets out a shaky breath that Yongsun understands that she’s on the verge of tears. She holds Byulyi’s face with her free hand without saying anything, liking the way the younger leans into the touch. “It’s okay.” She once again reassures Byulyi, “I’ve already forgotten what’s happened, okay?”

“Unnie,” Byulyi whispers in the already silent room, it’s almost like she’s scared of disturbing something spiritual. “Can we stay like this for a while?”

The pleading look on Byulyi’s face feels more intimate than anything Yongsun had done with Joohyun. 

So, of course she answers with a nod and a gentle smile.

Coffee feels cold compared to them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! uni is killing us both... also, there are only a few chapters left :( thank you all for your comments and kudos. love you all!


	16. Are You Interested In Me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's to me pulling myself together and actually updating this... (so sorry we disappeared like that... love you guys!)

“Mind if I ask if you have work experience prior to this?”

A woman in her mid 30’s sits cross legged in front of Yongsun, her baby blue shirt neatly ironed and her eyes careful. The room is silent except for the sound of the air conditioner keeping the humid, hot air outside. 

Yongsun puts one of her hands on the table between them and gives a determined nod, eager to prove herself. “Yes, miss. I have worked many jobs and I am proud to say that I think I’ve proven myself as a responsible employee. As for my internship, I have completed it two years ago, it’s all in my CV.”

The woman shifts her attention to the pile of files in front of her. She takes one of them in her hands, turning the pages. After a few uncomfortable moments, she turns to Yongsun again with a satisfied hum.

“One last question, why do you want this job?”

Yongsun takes a second before answering, since saying ‘I have to feed myself.’ would be a little too direct. She avoids looking into the interviewer’s expecting eyes and speaks up, “Because ever since I’ve entered university I saw myself in this career field. I also think that my character fits in the job description naturally.”

Everybody lied at least a little in job interviews, right? 

The interviewer nods slightly and clears her throat. “Okay, that will be all. Thank you for your time, Yongsun-sshi.”

Yongsun bows to the woman, and gets up. She somehow manages to go beyond the door without stumbling or falling down, a little victory for herself. She passes the corridor and takes the first left, finding herself in front of a small office’s door. She knocks and goes inside before hearing that she could come in, shutting the door after herself quickly.

“You okay?” The owner of the voice looks up from her computer, worry written on her face.

Yongsun lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding and takes a seat. “I don’t know Joohyun.” She puffs, “I think it went alright.”

“Yunhee-sshi might look strict sometimes but I’m sure it went well.” Joohyun gives her a small smile, “Do you want to get some lunch? I’ll pay. Let’s cheer you up.”

Yongsun smiles back at her. “I feel like I should be the one who’s getting you lunch, you got me this interview and all.”

Joohyun waves a dismissive hand. “It was nothing, actually. I automatically thought of you when they said there was an open spot.”

“It counts as something, right?” Yongsun expresses her gratitude. “Let’s g- Oh, excuse me.”

She finds her ringing phone inside her bag, pressing the green button before checking the caller ID. 

“Hey, how did it go? Wanna go out for some ice cream?”

Byulyi’s tone is direct very much unlike Joohyun’s soft voice from before, Yongsun can hear the disturbing sound of traffic on the line. 

“My interview? Okay, I think. Are you talking to the phone while driving?”

“Huh?” Byulyi sounds surprised, “This is the speaker of the car, grandma. So, do you want me to pick you up?”

Yongsun glances at Joohyun who’s listening to their conversation, “Uhm, actually, I was going to have lunch with Joohyun.”

There is a small silence that follows her words. Until Byulyi breaks it with an exaggerated ‘oh’. “Okay…” She fails to cover up the disappointment in her voice, “I just got off work early because… things and I was coincidentally around the place that building is in. I can just go home, no biggie.” She ungracefully ends her speech with a nervous giggle that sounds fake.

Yongsun sighs as she comes to a conclusion. “Why don’t you buy some snacks and ice cream and go home, and I’ll meet you there in a few hours? Does that sound good?”

The voice on the other side of the line sounds excited again. “Do you want to? Great! I’ll be waiting.”

Truth be told, Yongsun doesn’t know what to do with this new side of Byulyi who wants to constantly be with her. On one side she’s delighted, but then again-

“Is there something wrong?” Joohyun’s voice interrupts her thought process.

“Ah, it’s just that Byul wanted to hang out.” Yongsun explains clumsily, “I told her to wait a little.”

Joohyun’s face turns to thoughtful from questioning in a few short seconds. She shuts her computer down, and asks Yongsun with evident confusion. “Don’t you want to go with her though? It’s okay if you want to. Don’t feel obligated to eat with me.”

Yongsun rises her eyebrows at the other woman’s suggestion and confesses something that has been at the back of her mind since a few days ago.

“It’s just that, uhm, I’m a bit confused.”

The ever so helpful Joohyun slows her movements down to give Yongsun the attention she wants by looking at her expectantly. “What is it?”

“Byul’s been acting kind of… strange.” Yongsun struggles to find the right words, “And then there’s you.”

“What about me?”

“You’re perfect.” Yongsun says wholeheartedly.

“I’m perfect?” The woman responds, not quite comprehending the subtext of Yongsun’s words, making her even more embarrassed. “You mean… you… might have feelings for me?”

“No!” Yongsun shrieks, making an X with by crossing her hands, “Not really. I think that you’re amazing and I would’ve been able to fall for you in a different time and place but… then there’s Byulyi.”

“There’s me, and then there’s Byulyi.” Joohyun repeats, followed by a sigh. “It has been fun until now but I think we have to talk about our relationship, Yongsun.”

Yongsun hadn’t had many relationships but even she knows that phrase can’t bring something good in her life. Joohyun is by her side in a few determined footsteps, she takes her hand into hers and starts speaking.

“Look, even though I’ve known you for only a few weeks, I want the best for you because beyond everything, you’ve became someone I value.” She explains, “And now I think our… arrangement is confusing you. Maybe it would be the best if we put an end to it.”

Yongsun is baffled by the direction their conversation had taken all of a sudden. She isn’t sure about what to think. It’s true that Joohyun is great and all that, however she isn’t the one her heart is telling her to be with. “But-”

“You know it was bound to end, Yongsun-ah.” Joohyun squeezes her hand, “Let’s get some lunch now, okay?”

Yongsun feels a deep relief mixed with some kind of sense of liberty. She didn’t know how much she was worried about their little attempt to date until it was over. Maybe now that she has her head clear, Yongsun would be able to reach out for the one she’s yearning for.

“We can still be friends, right?” Yongsun still seeks for assurance through her words.

Joohyun nods, “Of course, wasn’t I your sunbae in lesbianism?”

 

//

 

“Unnie?” There is surprise on Byulyi’s face, “You’re early. Eager to see me?”

Yongsun steps inside Byulyi’s apartment, absentmindedly looking around to see if anything had changed while they weren’t on speaking terms. She fixes her eyes on Byulyi when she doesn’t find something out of the ordinary, taking her sight in. There is a fragile edge to their presences next to each other nowadays, like some words are left unsaid.

“So,” Byulyi makes conversation, “How is your… girlfriend?”

“She’s great.” Yongsun answers, goes to take a handful of snacks and then turns on her heels to face Byulyi, “We broke up earlier.”

A silence falls on the room until Byulyi collects herself enough to react. She speaks up in a low, sympathetic voice. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Sincerity has found home in her eyes and Yongsun almost believes her, but then she sees it, right at the corner of her mouth and threatening to break out. 

“No, you’re not.” Yongsun mutters, her own face supporting the tiniest of smiles.

“No, I’m not.” Byulyi confirms, the mischievous glint finally blooming into a full grin. 

“You’re such an idiot.” Yongsun turns away to cover her smile and blushing face up, “Seriously, what kind of a friend are you?”

Byulyi’s smile shifts into something more playful as if she’s guarding a secret only two of them know. “Well,” She says, “You know what kind of friend I am.”

The gentleness in her voice makes Yongsun bite back any kind of snarky reply. “Yeah?” She questions, “Do I, for real?”

Byulyi shrugs, “If not, you’re about to find out.” She leads them to the couch, “Well, are you sad about it? Want to talk?”

Even though she tries to be serious, Yongsun can clearly see the fresh happiness that she can’t suppress on her face. 

“Not really, I knew it was going to end.”

“Good.” Byulyi firmly states, “Anyone who lets you go that easily isn’t worth to be sad over.”

There’s a mutual understanding between the two that leaves Yongsun’s heart beating faster, as if every little thing that happened in the past few months have been leading up to this moment. “It’s good you think that.” Yongsun gathers her courage. “Because there’s this girl I’m interested in.”

There’s a faint sound of traffic coming from the outside, through the parted window. Byulyi’s puzzled face is illuminated by the sunlight that peeks between the curtains, and in that moment tension in Yongsun’s stomach is at its peak. She sits on the couch, pretending to have said nothing.

“Who might that be?” Byulyi’s cautious tone inquires her as she settles next to Yongsun. Her voice sounds more discouraged when she speaks again. “Anyone I know?”

Yongsun quickly glances over to Byulyi, and averts her eyes with the same speed. “You’re extremely familiar with her.”

Byulyi gasps, face supporting a shocked expression. “It’s not Seulgi, is it? I can’t deal with that.”

“Byulyi…” Yongsun pinches the bridge of her nose, “Are you being like this on purpose? I’m trying to… y’know.”

“What?”

Yongsun vaguely gestures to the gap between them. 

The clock on the wall ticks five times. 

Byulyi's facial expressions change drastically.

_ “Oh.” _

“Now you’ve ruined it!” Yongsun puffs, and crosses her arms. “You get what I’m trying to say, don’t you?”

“I just want to hear you say it.” Byulyi gives her the biggest grin, before demanding in a smug manner. “Yongsun unnie... are you perhaps interested in me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so... this is pretty unbeta'd since it's almost 2 am and i wanted to post this as soon as i finished it. feel free to inform us about errors! (was the end of joohyun/yong a bit rushed? it's just that we need to finish this quick since we don't have much free time and i hate it when fics update like... once in 6 months)   
> anyways, thanks for reading!


	17. Let's Not Let Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys, gals and non-binary pals! 
> 
> since this is the last chapter (except the epilogues maybe), we wanted to write the AN together. We have some great news;
> 
> -Since summer has started, we both have a lot of time in our hands so that means... drumroll..... more fics!! bet you didn't see that coming ;)  
> -Second of all we now have [a twitter account](https://twitter.com/buzukiff), joint of course, you can follow us, @ us and message us! we hope to talk more with you people :)  
> -Maybe you have noticed that this stroy is not written by welldonedragon and fromhogwarts anymore but by buzuki. That is still us, we just decided that we would have a joint account... here as well. we already do everything together so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> -The reason we wanted to have joint accounts in everywhere is that we want to be more creative and proffesional with our works. We have many ideas pending, not just for Mamamoo but for other k-pop groups like Red Velvet, Twice, BTS etc.  
> -btw we also have [a patreon account ](https://www.patreon.com/buzuki)from now on, if you want to support us and our works, we welcome you as a patron. We are new to that website but we are planning some exclusives (maybe?) to put there but nothing is certain for now.  
> Anyway, enjoy the last chapter!
> 
> (spoiler eveybody dies uwu) (jk)

 

 

Yongsun drops her bag on the floor, feeling exhausted yet content. She just came back from Byulyi’s apartment and all she can still think about is the girl and her teasingly inviting stare.

_Yongsun unnie… are you perhaps interested in me?_

Yongsun feels frustrated as the crimson color fills her cheeks. She smacked the younger girl’s shoulder when she said those enticing words that drove her deeper into the minefield that is Moon Byulyi, even her heart wanted to scream yes. They weren’t unaware of each other’s feelings but for some reason Yongsun felt as if it was so much harder to pursue Byulyi compared to Joohyun. She wanted to say the things that passed her mind everyday but whenever she looked at the girl, her heart threatened to stop with the next move she was about to make.

Yongsun plops down on her bed, her face getting engulfed by her pillow. She wants to scream but anger isn’t behind it. She’s frustrated beyond belief. Is it because they are seeing each other in person? Could she maybe flirt by text?

Just as these worries fill her head to its brim, her phone, as if to read her thoughts, ring with a familiar tune. Yongsun takes it out of her pocket before she could say Byulyi, and sees the screen smirking at her with the words; **Byul-ah** **⭐️**

 

 **Byul-ah** **⭐️**

Are you home yet, unnie?

I hope you didn’t trip and fall into a ditch while daydreaming about me ;)

**Kim Yongsun**

I’m home

I haven’t fallen but i might soon ;)  


**Byul-ah** **⭐️**

Look at you go

I’m blushing ^^

**Kim Yongsun**

I’m getting better

My teacher is excellent

 **Byul-ah** **⭐️**

No need for praises

I’m just doing my duty ;)

**Kim Yongsun**

I was talking about Joohyun but if that’s what you wanna believe....

Yongsun giggles to herself as Byulyi doesn’t answer for a minute. The app shows that she is constantly writing and then deleting what she wrote. Then the writing stops all together.

Another _ding_ delivers Yongsun a photo from Byulyi. It is a blurry photo of what she assumes is Byulyi falling down.

 

 **Byul-ah** **⭐️**

My caption for this would be; the knives in my back ruined my balance TT

 

**Kim Yongsun**

And my comment under it would be; are you seeing this child

 **Byul-ah** **⭐️**

“Stab the body and it heals, but injure the heart and the wound lasts a lifetime.”

Wiser words haven’t been said before…

**Kim Yongsun**

………..

Did you just literally google betrayal quotes?

 **Byul-ah** **⭐️**

You can’t prove anything

 

Yongsun laughs a bit more than necessary as she rolls around in her bed. She feels like the high-schooler she never really was back in the day. Sure, she had boyfriends before but none of those boys came close to how Byulyi makes her heart run a marathon just with a look.

Yet the problem lies within the insecurities of Kim Yongsun herself. She is unsure if Byulyi is really serious with her feelings. Is she really genuine? She seems like the type of person who is casually flirty by nature to all those around her so, what should Kim Yongsun take as a real sign of a blooming relationship?

Yongsun sits up on her bed with a huff and tosses her hair back. Her entire mood is suddenly shadowed by the monster that is doubt that she grew inside her throughout years, taking care of it by distancing herself from her social life, autopiloting most of her days.

As few strands of hair fall onto her face once again as if to bother her more, her phone chimed again.

 

 **Byul-ah** **⭐️**

btw I was planning to go to this new arcade that opened, near the coffee shop you work for

I was wondering if you wanted to come with me?

 

She shudders, eyes going large. Does Moon Byulyi know how to read minds? She feels her muscles relax as she releases the breath she had been holding. Even if she’s as inexperienced as she is, Yongsun knows that the invitation is not just a hang-out. You wouldn’t do that to someone who you are flirting shamelessly with, right?

Yongsun bites her lips nervously as she types out an affirmative response, her hands shaking a bit. As she hits send, she immediately throws her phone on the bed and she runs out of the room, screeching as silently as possible.

After she washes her face with cold water, she shyly peeks at her bed from the door, as if she is waiting for the phone to ring. When that doesn’t happen she goes and fetches her phone and checks for messages.

 

 **Byul-ah** **⭐️**

I can’t wait

Yongsun rolls around in her bed, giggling. 

//

 

A dark haired girl, who’s wearing loose pants and a pastel shirt that is tucked in, waits for her as she waves back. Byulyi’s whole mood lightens up as she sees the older girl’s smile from the short distance between them. It took her longer than she thought to go home after work, get ready and head back for the arcade and the traffic riled her nerves up but seeing the sun in her human form makes every single one of her worries vanish. 

“Hi, Byul-ah!” Yongsun says as she hugs the younger, her smile never wavering. 

“Hi, unnie. Did I make you wait for too long?” Byulyi asks apologetically. “There was some ridiculous traffic…”

“No worries, I got here five or so minutes ago anyways.” 

“Ah,” Byulyi nods, “That’s good then.” She gives her an excited grin, “Let’s go!”

They go inside the arcade which is nicely decorated for its opening, even the teenager behind the cash register looks happy with his new job, not used to complaining just yet. 

Byulyi steps forward, before Yongsun, to speak with the boy, keen on paying for the tickets.

“Can we get, uhm,” she glances over at Yongsun, “What do you want to play, unnie?” 

A childish joy appears on Yongsun’s face, “Ooh!” she exclaims, “I want to try the shooting games, and also the basketball thing!” 

Byulyi smiles at her direction fondly before turning back to the worker. “We’ll get enough tokens for those, please. And two more.” 

The first game they try is DDR. Byulyi effortlessly hits the moves as Yongsun struggles to even her breathing, Byulyi is triumphant at the end.

Yet, she discovers that being too proud is harmful after all, as she gets her ass kicked by Yongsun in a shooting game.

“What… Wow, how did you-”

“Moon Byulyi,” Yongsun deadpans, “I will not tolerate the ones who have wronged me.”

Byulyi quickly finds out that Yongsun is absurdly competitive as her company travels towards one particular machine among many. It lights up as it swallows one of their precious tokens, an upbeat melody coming out of the speakers simultaneously. Yongsun is quick to use the machine, making Byulyi shocked to see the results. The blonde’s eyes go comically large as she witnesses the score Yongsun had had. 

She just broke the record on the punching machine. 

Byulyi gulps as she glances over at Yongsun whose face is supporting a satisfied smile. “Uh… unnie? Is your hand okay?”

The girl in front of her turns to her with questioning eyes. “My hand? Of course it is okay.” Her eyes sparkle as she goes on with a fired up tone. “The best score on this machine though! I wrecked it.”

Rather than feeling intimidated Byulyi finds this little quirk of the older woman strangely cute. “Yeah, you did. Let’s move on to the claw machine, huh? Maybe I can manage to get a gift.”

 

Yongsun rolls her eyes at Byulyi as she drops the turtle plushy for the fourth time. Byulyi, however, feels the unexplainable drive for that toy, unable to give up. Yongsun raises her eyebrows as Byulyi reaches to her pocket to get one more token. 

“Byul-ah, don’t you think that’s enough? Those machines are scams anyways.” Yongsun says, holding Byulyi’s hand to stop her from playing the deceiving game. 

Byulyi pouts a bit but then nods obediently. “Sure, unnie. You’re right.” 

Yongsun lets go of Byulyi’s hand and walks towards the basketball machine with a smirk. “You versus me. Loser pays for dinner.” 

Byulyi smiles at the older girl and cracks her knuckles. “Prepare your wallet, unnie.” 

Byulyi is the one who ends up paying for their tteokbokki. 

 

//

 

Yongsun holds her breath as her finger lingers on the mail that read ‘Application’. This is it, she thinks, I might be an office worker from now on. She lets go of the breath but locks her screen and pockets her phone. She doesn’t have the courage to look. Her feet carry her through the streets, aimlessly and purposeful at the same time. She has no end goal or somewhere to reach but these steps aren’t meaningless, they are to stop her from thinking, to keep her busy so that she can’t check her phone. Stalling for time is better than rejection and heartbreak in Yongsun’s book. 

As if the universe is giving her an advice, her phone buzzes in her pocket. Yongsun stops in the middle of the sidewalk, not reaching for her phone yet, and makes the person behind her slam into her. She mutters a quick apology and steps aside. She looks at her phone, Joohyun is calling. 

Her entire thought process chooses to follow the worst possible storyline, she got rejected and Joohyun is also fired for suggesting her. She shakes her head, that doesn’t make any sense. Her anxiety and desperate mental state pushes her off the cliff she had been holding on to a pit of delusion. 

She takes another deep breath and presses the green, taunting button. 

“Hello? Yongsun-ah?” 

“Hi, Joohyun-ah. How are you?” She says, indulging them in small talk to avoid the subject. 

“I’m fine but most importantly how are you? Did you get the e-mail?” She says, Yongsun can’t figure out her emotions through her tone. Yongsun knew it, she is rejected. 

“I did… I didn’t open it yet.” She says, face palming to herself. 

“Why? Don’t you want to celebrate being my coworker? That means you’ll get to stare at me all day now.” Joohyun mocks, smirking, Yongsun guesses. 

“Are you serious? Are you  _ really  _ serious?” Yongsun yells a bit, gathering attention from around her. 

“Yes, why would I joke about this? Well, not the staring part. You would get fired and Byulyi-sshi would kill me, I suppose.”

Yongsun can’t even bring herself to laugh at Joohyun’s witty remark, she is just shocked. 

“Joohyun, I’m sorry, can I call you back in a bit?” Yongsun asks, about to hang up. 

“Sure, let’s have dinner to celebrate soon.” 

Yongsun crouches down and rests her back on the wall of the building behind her. After all these years she managed to get the job she aimed for. She isn’t passionate about it or anything but to have someone pay you to do the thing you were educated for must be satisfying like nothing else.

No more convenience stores, no more coffee shop gigs or tutoring jobs. She is going to have a 9-to-5, stable job and that is the most relaxing news she received in a long time. 

She opens her phone once again, checking the email this time. It is true, she is hired. She is to start on next monday. Life already feels easier. 

Her fingers move by themselves and she ends up calling the person she’s most excited to tell anything that happens in her life. 

“Byul-ah, are you on your lunch break now?”

“Hi, unnie. And yes, I am. Are you going to come over?” Byulyi asks, sudden excitement is evident in her voice. 

“Yes, I will. We are going to celebrate something but I’m not telling what.” Yongsun chimes and laughs as she hangs up on Byulyi. 

Looking around to see where she walked aimlessly to, she notices that she is close to Byulyi’s building. It is a fifteen minute walk from here but Yongsun feels as if she’d burst if she didn’t go there immediately. She sticks her hand out for a taxi, hailing one immediately.

She gets there in no time, enthusiasm buzzing in her entire body. She pays in an instant by almost throwing herself out of the moving car to get to Byulyi. She had been to her office building before so she guesses the blonde is waiting for her inside the Starbucks downstairs. Her steps lead her towards the large coffee shop crowded by people in office attire. There she is, a blonde wearing a blue suit. She spots her among the crowd and waves, a huge smile appearing on her face. Yongsun hurriedly makes her way over, taking the sight of Byulyi’s happy face in. She goes in for a hug that lasts a little bit more than necessary, gripping her arms tightly. 

“What is it?” Byulyi giggles, “You are so excited.” She gestures to a cake that sits on the table Byulyi was seated in. “Here, I got you something.”

The cake has one single candle on it, and its frosting spells out the words; _ Congratulations for ? _

Yongsun chuckles, not being able to contain the excitement within her anymore. “I got the job!”

She regards Byulyi’s face as it goes through a march of emotions. It settles on an enormously joyful expression as she starts jumping up and down, grabbing Yongsun by her hands and dragging her along too. “Really?” Jump. “I’m sooo glad!” Jump. “It’s great news!”

The people in the café -some of Byulyi’s co-workers perhaps- look at them with judging eyes but Yongsun can’t bring herself to care. “Yes!” She exclaims, “No more part time jobs!” 

Byulyi stops at last, still smiling but now with a bit of a bittersweet expression. “Aww, I can’t see you at the convenience store anymore.” 

Yongsun slaps her arm jokingly. “It’s the only thing you care for?”

“Well,” Byulyi speaks up with a smug face, “I was going to ask the cute cashier to go see a movie with me but I hear that she got a job at a top tier company now. So, out of my league I guess.”

Yongsun plays along by lifting her eyebrows and answering, “I guess you’re stuck with me.”

Byulyi smiles for a moment before answering back and then clears her throat. “So, Friday, Deadpool 2. What do you say?”

Yongsun shrugs, playing hard to get. “I don’t have anything better to do.”

Byulyi’s face supports a strange expression when she speaks again. “Oh, if it’s okay then.” She pulls herself together and gestures to one of the seats. “Come on, let’s eat the cake.”

 

//

 

She spots Byulyi outside of the movie theatre, in her usual designer clothes. She holds two tickets in her hand, showing her to Yongsun from a distance. 

“Good evening, ma’am.” Byulyi says when she comes closer, she eyes her up and down. “You look classy tonight.”

Yongsun has the urge to find a mirror to check her appearance once again under Byulyi’s unmoving gaze. Getting shy, she replies, “Ah, so I didn’t look classy before?”

“Sure, you are real classy all the time.” Byulyi teases, “Especially that time where you told me, a customer, to clean up the store.”

Yongsun shakes her head in response. “Moon Byulyi, you know that one was your fault.”

Byulyi acts as if she’s thinking for a minute, then she grimaces. “But you were the paid worker, right?”

“I was overworked and it was almost 2 AM.” Yongsun argues back, “I didn’t have the energy to clean up a mess a dumbass had made.”

Byulyi’s eyebrows go up as she looks offended. “This dumbass is feeling insulted right now!”

“The dumbass is right.” Yongsun chuckles as she slaps Byulyi’s shoulder. “Brat.” 

Byulyi smiles too, offering her arm with eyes pointing to the theatre. “Let’s get some popcorn and drinks before we go in. “

“Should we get two?” asks Yongsun as her mouth waters with the delicious buttery popcorn smell.

Byulyi frowns for a second, making Yongsun confused. “I thought we’d share… you know what? Let’s get two.” She gives up and moves to get money out of her pocket. Yongsun acts faster.

“You paid for the tickets already. I’m not some gold digger, you know?” says Yongsun, smiling at the taller girl. “I see you have this rich girl vibe and all but…”

“Sure.” Byulyi answers amusedly.

The movie theatre itself is pretty average but Yongsun sees soon enough that Byulyi bought tickets in the VIP section of it. As they settle in their larger, more comfortable seats that are arranged for couples, Yongsun assumes, she feels like she has put Byulyi under pressure to buy her nice things. Yongsun doesn’t want that, she would be fine with even sitting on the floor to watch because she would be with Byulyi at the end. 

“Byul-ah, you didn’t need to get us tickets from here. I know these are expensive.” She says in a small voice, even though the movie hasn’t started yet she feels like she shouldn’t be speaking normally, there are only a handful of people in the room anyways. “I wouldn’t mind normal seats.”

Byulyi looks away for a second and sighs. “I’m sorry, unnie. Just wanted to… I don’t know what I aimed with this actually. You’re right, it was stupid.” She says, obviously misinterpreting what Yongsun meant.

Just as Yongsun opens her mouth to object, the commercials begin to roll with the most obnoxiously loud music. Yongsun sighs, knowing that she hurt Byulyi. She reaches to her side and grabs Byulyi’s hand and squeezes to reassure the younger. They don’t have time for more misunderstandings now. Her hearts feels a bit more at ease when Byulyi squeezes back and doesn't let go. 

Forty or so minutes go by and Yongsun is already out of popcorn. She reaches for Byulyi’s and their hands touch for a second. Yongsun now understands why Byulyi wanted to share one popcorn. She wanted them to share moments of closeness like this. 

Yongsun retracts her hand from the bucket and offers the ones in her palm to Byulyi. The younger is startled for a second but she quickly puts on a bold face and takes the popcorn.

“You know,” She whispers, “You’re giving my popcorn to me.”

Yongsun reaches to lightly slap Byulyi’s forearm. “I fail to see your point.”

Byulyi catches her hand halfway, intertwining their fingers together. She doesn’t say anything in return, just turns her head back to the movie with a sly smile.

The elder feels her face heating up as she jokes. “Both of our hands are covered in butter. That’s gross.”

Byulyi turns at her one last time with an amused expression. “Really? You’ll have to deal with it then. I don’t want to let go.”

Yongsun is left with a racing heart for the rest of the movie. 

 

As the credits roll, Byulyi leans towards her once more. “Do you want to have dinner?” 

Yongsun accepts the offer with gratefulness since the effect of the popcorn from earlier is long gone and they make their way towards somewhere Byulyi apparently has in her mind. Yongsun hears a high pitched voice as they are about to get in Byulyi’s car. 

“Yongsun unnie! Hi!” She turns around to see an excited Wheein and Hyejin who’s smiling and rolling her eyes at the same time. Yongsun sees Byulyi eye the two with curious eyes and the woman in question turns to her with a raised eyebrow as if to ask who are those overly excited people.

“Wheein-ah, hi! What are you guys doing here?” Yongsun asks as she automatically hugs the two. 

“We are going to get some takeout and then head home.” Hyejin answers and her eyes land on Byulyi, who is awkwardly standing next to Yongsun. “Why don’t you introduce us unnie?”

“Oh, yeah.” Yongsun gets conscious, and absentmindedly says. “This is Byulyi, my girlfriend.”

This evokes collective gasps from all the girls, Byulyi suddenly looks at her with shocked eyes, mid-bow. Yongsun pauses to acknowledge what she had just said. Her jaw slacks at her bold statement, and averts her gaze from Byulyi’s. 

“No need to be afraid, Byulyi-sshi. Nobody supports your relationship more than us.” Wheein says, misreading the stiff atmosphere.

“Thank you.” Byulyi recovers from her confusion quickly, “Nice to meet you, Wheein-sshi and Hyejin-sshi. I think Yongsun-unnie mentioned you before.” Byulyi says, scratching her neck to hide her embarrassment over her overreaction. 

Wheein turns to Yongsun with a playful smile, and continues with a lower voice. “Also, unnie, how come you didn’t mention this development to me?”

“It’s… new.” Yongsun explains, not mentioning the fact that they may have skipped over this step completely, “Anyway, we have got to get moving, we have reservations. Bye!”

There’s an awkward pause after the younger girls leave where they both avoid looking at each other until Byulyi starts giggling, making Yongsun turn to her direction. 

“What?” The elder asks grumpily, crossing her arms, “What is so funny?”

“It’s just…” Byulyi can barely hold her chuckles now, “It’s just funny!”

Yongsun opens her mouth to say something, realizes that she doesn’t know what to say and closes it again, ears tingling with the sound of Byulyi’s laugh.

“I just thought all this,” She gestures to the cinema, “You know, we were… Oh my God, did I misunderstand?” She gasps.

Byulyi engulfs her in a loose hug, leaning her head on Yongsun’s shoulder. “No,” She assures, “You didn’t. I was just surprised, that’s all.”

Yongsun hugs back without hesitation. “Good.”

 

Later that night it’s Byulyi who once again comes closer, in the security of Byulyi’s car. Between hushed whispers and tiny giggles, she closes the gap between their lips. Yongsun finally understands what all of her previous kisses should’ve felt like as she throws her hands around Byulyi’s neck, trying her hardest to surpass a smile. Byulyi’s finger gently grabs her chin, angling her head for the better.

“You know, I like you so much.” Byulyi confesses, shy all of a sudden which makes Yongsun grin.

“Yeah, I figured.” Yongsun answers honestly, “Me too.” She gazes over to their intertwined hands. “Let’s not let go.”

 

**

 

Byulyi nods and reaches to kiss her forehead, not letting go of her hands. A peaceful silence settles in the car but then Byulyi looks at her and scratches her neck. 

“I mean metaphorically not letting go is more practical. I still need to drive.” 

Yongsun laughs and slaps her shoulder. “Brat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi again! just wanted to tell you we had so much fun writing this and your comments were what kept us going :) we read each and every one of them, so sorry if we didn't reply to your comments. (you guys can come talk to us on twitter c:) we have another moonsun wip, coming soon! let's just say it revolves around psychology for now ^^
> 
> once again thank you all for reading and goodbye until the epilogues! :')


	18. Epilogue - Turbulence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi there guys, gals and nonbinary pals! i hope you like it, and we hope to surprise you with some bonus chapters from time to time. we’re also planning to write a seulrene spin-off based on this. so, please look forward to it c: we’ll probably give updates about the upcoming stories on our twitter [here.](https://twitter.com/buzukiff)  
> also, don’t forget to check out our other works! uwu  
> [Phantom of the Mind (moonsun)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15581208/chapters/36174138)  
> [sunshine (in your smile) (seulrene)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16068557/chapters/37518974)

“This isn’t exactly how I imagined our first anniversary.” Yongsun comments off-handedly as they walk into the convenience store.

It’s almost 10 PM, the welcoming rays of the sun is long gone yet almost everywhere in the small area is illuminated by the fluorescent lights of the shop. Not much had changed, Yongsun notes, a few shelves arranged differently and all but it gives off the same lonely aura to Yongsun.

“It’s nostalgic, don’t you think?” Byulyi replies, pouting slightly at Yongsun’s dissatisfied remark, “You were the one who said we should do the actual celebration on Saturday.”

“So you decided to bring me to a convenience store?”

“I brought you to our convenience store!” Byulyi exclaims stubbornly, “You know, the one where everything started.”

She has this lovesick expression on her face which Yongsun’s glad hasn’t disappeared since their early days, and the older of the two feels her chest get warmer than ever. 

She still takes her time to tease Byulyi.

“You are so overdramatic.” Yongsun states, even though she doesn’t make an effort to hide the goofy grin that spreads all over her face anymore, “Remind me why are we together again?”

Byulyi snorts and shoots back. “You had like, the biggest crush on me for months. I took pity at last.”

Yongsun jabs a finger to Byulyi’s side, making the girl grimace. “Guess who won’t take a pity at you at least for a week?”

“Unnie…” Byulyi whines, trying to link their arms together, “You know I was just trying to be funny.”

Yongsun lets herself to be yanked away by her girlfriend, smiling cutely. “Shush. Let’s get those noodles you were so fond of.”

“Okay, ma’am.” Byulyi complies, hands already sneaking in her pocket to get her own wallet, “I’m paying.”

“You are?” Yongsun repeats in a sulky manner, “You paid for dinner last time, let me pay.”

They are right in front of the shelves that accommodate instant noodles, and Byulyi chooses two flavors of the brand she likes -or grown to like- as she swats Yongsun’s reaching hands away from the cups. “It’s not like I’m offering you a 5-star meal, Yongsun, it’s just noodles.”

Yongsun becomes silent at that, mind clouded by the abrupt feeling of deja-vu. She smiles fondly at Byulyi’s direction when she’s not looking while the younger brings the ramen cups to the cashier. Byulyi had built a nest inside her heart before either of them even noticing , and she knows at this point it would be too painful to rip it off. Being so attached to someone is still strange to her, even after all the time passed and the experiences that caused them to end up here. She hopes to not be apart from Byulyi in her lifetime and whatever comes after that.

“You know,” Yongsun starts after they settle down on one of the tables that she faintly remembers as the one on which Byulyi first explained the monstrous course of international trade to her, “You said something similar back then.”

“Hm?” Byulyi says before she slurps down her noodles, followed by wincing and opening her mouth to let some fresh air in to soothe the burn.

Yongsun automatically hands her the strawberry drink she purchased as she rolls her eyes. “Very attractive Byul,” She giggles, “And yeah. When you first bought me ramen to show gratitude or something.”

Byulyi’s eyes shine with recognition, she takes the beverage and gulps it down. “Oh! I remember. Honestly, those were the worst days of my life.”

Yongsun laughs a little. “But you met me.”

Byulyi brings their faces closer like she wants to inspect every inch of Yongsun, keep its picture engraved on her mind. “Yeah, I did.”

The fondness in her stomach grows as Byulyi’s close proximity tests every bit of her self-control to not lean in and steal a strawberry-scented kiss. Turns out Byulyi’s sharing the same thoughts, seeing as she shyly glances to the cashier who pays them no mind, battling with an open textbook in front of him. 

“This place reminds me of you.” Byulyi starts, eyes looking down with a hint of pink on her cheeks, “I mean, that’s why I wanted to come here for our anniversary. To compare where we started and where we ended up.” Byulyi’s shy endeavour isn’t something she witnesses regularly therefore she lets herself enjoy it. 

If the world became quiet for a simple moment, Yongsun would be able to hear the sound of her affection growing. Would she be able to make Byulyi listen too?, she briefly wonders. Maybe that would save her from stumbling over her words to find the right ones. She wishes so badly to be able to cut her heart open, making Byulyi see that she’s all there ever was inside.

“I love you.” Yongsun mumbles, getting shy because she’s used to dancing around the words even after a while of dating, “You are so precious to me.”

She’s immediately rewarded by Byulyi’s overjoyed smile. “Yongsun-ah, you are going to give me a heart attack one of these days.” She chuckles, “I love you too. So much.”

 

**

 

Byulyi arrives to pick her up for their anniversary dinner, looking incredibly disheveled. She sighs every five minutes, so it’s definitely obvious to Yongsun that something’s wrong. This goes on until they place their orders, Byulyi absentmindedly stares into the abyss and Yongsun can’t take it anymore.

“Are you okay?” Yongsun asks gently, she’s beyond worried at this point.

“Ah.” Byulyi gets out of her trance, looking surprised as if she wasn’t expecting Yongsun to notice the grim state she’s in. “I was just thinking about something.”

“Tell me.” Yongsun prompts, her hand finds Byulyi’s on the table. “I can tell it’s bothering you a lot.”

Byulyi shakes her head, squeezing Yongsun’s hand. She has a soft look in her eyes now. “No, not now. We should celebrate.”

A waitress comes with their -very expensive- red wine, she wears a black and white suit along with a robotic smile on her face. Yongsun eyes her with a sympathetic feeling settling in her chest, trying to remember how it was like to be in her shoes just a while ago. She frowns when she finds a blank wall, perhaps it was true that people only remembered the good memories.

Instead, she turns to her girlfriend when the waitress walks away. “Promise to tell me soon.” She goes on with a dimpled smile she knows Byulyi can’t resist. “Maybe in the car?”

She watches as Byulyi reddens and looks down, taking pride in her ability to make Byulyi flustered even after a year of dating. “Okay,” She mumbles, “But I don’t think you’ll like it.”

Yongsun can only grimace in response of that, what could be so horrible that Byulyi is hesitating to tell Yongsun? She eyes the girl with suspicion. Maybe it’s something regarding her job? Does she need to move to a different city? Yongsun horrifiedly wonders further, or to a different country?

Byulyi gives her a sincere smile upon noticing her discomfort. “Whatever you’re thinking, that’s not it.” She assures, “It doesn’t directly concern you. Don’t worry, let’s just enjoy our dinner.”

The rest of the night goes smoothly, they exchange gifts and sweet words. But the unsettling feeling in Yongsun’s stomach finds home once again as they make their way into Byulyi’s car side by side. She turns to Byulyi instinctively once they’ve settled inside the car, stopping her from starting up the vehicle. 

“So, what is it?”

Byulyi gives her an uncomfortable look like she’s trying to avoid the subject. Yet she gives up when she’s met with Yongsun’s persuasive gaze. “Uh, it’s just, my father called.”

Yongsun waits for her to finish before she jumps into conclusions. “And?”

“He wants to have dinner with me. Along with my mother and sisters.”

A moment of silence passes between them before Yongsun carefully asks. “You are not going, right?”

Byulyi averts her gaze like she always does when she knows she did something Yongsun wouldn’t like. “I was actually thinking of going.”

Even though Yongsun had sensed that it would be her answer she still feels the dissatisfaction. “Are you sure?”

Byulyi sighs. “Yep.”

Yongsun tries, really tries to keep out herself out of it. It’s primarily Byulyi’s life, Byulyi’s family in question. She should stay silent and support Byulyi’s decision, no matter the consequences. An uneasiness settles in her stomach as she remember all the things she’s been told about Byulyi’s mother. She remembers the last time she interfered in Byulyi’s life. Deciding that she can’t let the topic go just like that, she blurts out. “Well, I think you shouldn’t go.”

Byulyi rests her head against the car seat, eyes looking annoyed all of  a sudden. “Are we seriously going to argue about that now?”

Yongsun crosses her eyebrows because of Byulyi’s harsh reply. “I’m just looking out for you. Do you really think any good will come out of that?”

“Yes, Yongsun,” Byulyi presses, “I’m going because I  _ want  _ to see my family.”

“Byulyi, be more reasonable.” Yongsun shoots back feverishly, “The last time your mother called you, it was because she got rid of your girlfriend all of a sudden. How do you think that it’s not the case again?”

“Oh, so you think our relationship is that weak?” Byulyi mimicks the same tone as Yongsun, “What can she do to us? We’re both adults with economic freedom.”

“You know I don’t think that!” Yongsun is starting to get angry, “Also, you aren’t even sure if she’ll try to do something since you’ve obviously thought about that.”

“What if I’m not sure?” Byulyi exclaims, furious gaze piercing through Yongsun, “I want to see my sisters whom I haven’t seen since over a year ago! Is that such a bad thing?”

Yongsun groans with the feeling of not being understood. “I’m not saying that! Are you even listening to me? I just don’t want you to be disappointed after.”

“I don’t even have expectations.” Byulyi argues, “Plus, do you know how awful it makes me feel to know that you don’t support my decision to reconcile with my family?”

“Why are you making me the bad person here?” Yongsun says, fists clenched out of anger, “I think you shouldn’t go because it’s dangerous for you to.”

“It doesn’t matter what you think because I’m going anyway.”

There’s something in Byulyi’s tone that makes Yongsun’s blood boil. “Then what’s the point of telling me this? What’s the point of being so bothered that I notice it?”

“I wasn’t going to tell you!” Byulyi reveals, making Yongsun gasp.

“What do you mean?” Yongsun answers, voice not being able to conceal the hurt she feels. “I tell you everything about my life and you were just going to keep this from me?”

“No! I mean yeah…” Even Byulyi sounds confused about her own words, “I was going to go and see their intentions and then I was going to tell you about it.”

This is all too much for Yongsun, she’s sick of this discussion already. She hastily unbuckles her seatbelt and opens the car door, letting the fresh air in. Just as she’s about to step a foot outside Byulyi stops her with a firm grim on her arm.

“No, what are you doing?” She asks worriedly, “Where are you going?”

“I don’t know.” Yongsun answers, “I just need to be away from you.”

She gets out of the car, feeling the chilly night air on her spine. As expected, Byulyi steps outside right after her, coming to her way with hurried steps as if she’s afraid Yongsun will disappear. 

“Unnie, please,” The younger calls after her, “If you don't want to see me, you take the car and go home.”

Yongsun turns on her heels to face Byulyi. “Don’t be stupid, Byul. My apartment is closer, you take the car.”

“I don’t want you to go home alone at this hour!” 

“It’s your stupid car!”

“So what?” Byulyi sulks, “I told you to take it. I won’t move from here if you don’t. You’ll find me frozen the next morning.”

Yongsun scans the parking lot to see if someone is witnessing their childish exchange of words. To their luck, she finds it completely empty except a few employees. She turns her gaze to Byulyi and recognizes the determined look on her face. 

Yongsun exaggeratedly huffs and makes a show out of walking back to the car, stomping her feet to the ground to show her annoyance. “You know,” She starts once they’re both in the car again, “I’m mad at you. I’m just in the car because I don’t want to make a scene.”

Even though deep down inside she knew that her explanation wouldn’t be enough to wipe the shit-eating grin off Byulyi’s face, Yongsun still frowns when she sees it. She doesn’t reply as she clasps her seatbelt and starts the car up, looking attractive in a way Yongsun is too stubborn to admit at the moment.

“You are probably aware that I’m also mad.” Byulyi breaks the silence when they stop at a red light, the traffic lights illuminating her face.

Yongsun speaks up when green colors her girlfriend’s face. “I know, we’re not done yet.” 

 

**

 

Bickering is like a second nature to them at this point, it’s how they communicate. However, their last argument goes beyond the limit of a healthy argument and closer to something more, almost -well, exactly- a petty cold war.

Byulyi schedules her meeting with her family to a week later. 

So, it goes down like this.

It’s two days later, they’ve managed to avoid the incoming storm so far. They are hanging out in Byulyi’s apartment with the intention of spending a lazy evening, hoping to reconcile without really having to talk about the problem. This obviously gets proven as a futile approach when Byulyi breaks the tense silence to catch Yongsun’s attention as the woman in question is immersed in some hit-drama.

“So, what do you want to eat?”

Yongsun lifts her head up from the screen only for a moment and scoffs, simultaneously muttering something that resembles “Like you care about what I want.”

“You are ridiculous.” Byulyi deadpans, “How can you say that?”

“Well, since you think it’s your life. Why don’t you come up with something to eat on your own? Even if I’ll eat with you.”

Byulyi stands up abruptly, voice rising along with her. “You are diverting the topic!”

“Don’t you raise your voice to me.” Yongsun hisses, quickly she grabs the remote and pauses the drama, the characters freeze while they are giving each other lovesick looks in a strange contrast with the fighting couple inside the room, “You need to start telling things to me! You did this discreet moping thing with Seulgi, and now you’re doing it with me.”

She sees the effect of her words in Byulyi’s eyes, the color inside them turning slightly darker, filled with hurt. The bitter taste of regret fills her mouth immediately but it’s too late to back down.

“Now, I did tell you!” Byulyi snaps, looking betrayed somehow, “What good did it do? See, we’re fighting!”

Yongsun massages her temple, hoping to soothe her frustration away. “We are fighting because of you!”

“Because I wanted to see my family?” Byulyi scowls, waving a dismissive hand, “Whatever, Yongsun unnie, I didn’t think you would understand anyway.”

Yongsun feels like she’s just been punched in the gut by Byulyi. Never in her life she thought that she would stoop so low and target something that has been giving her pain since years ago, her lack of family left.

Her mouth hangs open and Byulyi finally comes to her senses. “I- I didn’t mean it like that!” She interjects, “I swear, Yongsun, I would never! I meant it like I…”

“Whatever you want to say, Byul, I don’t want to hear it.” Yongsun says, grabbing her bag and rushing towards the door. She just wants to get out and cool down. 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake unnie, you are overreacting. You know that’s not what I meant!” Byulyi yells as she runs after her. 

Yongsun hesitates as she pulls on the door handle. Is she overreacting? Maybe, but that doesn’t mean her feelings aren’t hurt. She just wants to go before they do something irreversible to their relationship. 

“Then call me when you mean the stuff you say.” 

With that the door is shut between the two who are just hurt and confused. 

 

**

 

Yongsun flops down to the table in their usual café, Hyejin’s and Wheein’s worried looks washing all over her. 

“Is Joohyun here yet?” She asks, she tries to hide her face in the menu. 

“She said she’d be here in five minutes.” Says Wheein, checking her phone. “What happened to you? Why are you hiding? Did you do something to Byul-unnie?”

Yongsun slams the menu down suddenly, her face showcasing her most offended expression. “More like what that little shit said to me.” 

Hyejin rolls her eyes as she looks at her nails. “Here we go again.” She says under her breath. 

“Don’t ‘here we go again’ me, Hyejin-ah! She went too far this time.” Says Yongsun, fuming in her seat. She catches Joohyun enter the café with the corner of her eye. She waves her over. 

Joohyun loosens her tie as she sits down and runs her hand through her hair. “Did I miss the drama yet?”

“Ha ha, very funny guys.” Yongsun says, a frown has taken a residence on her face. “Maybe I shouldn’t bother speaking anymore since nobody wants to hear what I have to say, not you guys, and certainly not Byulyi.” 

“Unnie, you know we care. It’s just that…” Wheein starts off but doesn’t finish her sentence and looks at others for support. “You sometimes.... overreactabit.”

Yongsun doesn't quite catch what she says but she shakes her head anyway. “This time, I’m right and not overreacting.” Yongsun says, she gets interrupted by the waiter stopping by to take their orders. 

“As I was saying, Byulyi dug herself a grave in my heart yesterday and it’s up to her to decide whether to lie in it or close the hole back up.” 

Joohyun laughs a bit. “Wow, something big must’ve happened to get you this poetic.”

Yongsun takes a deep breath and rewinds their argument to her friends. “So, am I not right?” 

There is a silence that follows. 

“Well?” Yongsun asks, a bit irritated. 

Her friends on the table averts their gazes. “Well, unnie,” Hyejin starts, “The last thing she said was harsh, I’ll give you that. But don’t you think it’s kind of insensitive of you to expect that she’ll let go of her family just like that?”

“I’m pretty sure she didn't mean it like that.” Wheein adds, “I mean, maybe she meant it like, you haven’t experienced her family life, therefore wouldn’t understand it.” 

Yongsun opens her mouth to defend herself but she can’t find any words that make her right. Instead she scoffs.

“Yongsun, I think you might be a bit too defensive. Think of it this way, if your dad suddenly contacted you and wanted to make everything up to you, wouldn’t you be intrigued or just wishful?” Says Joohyun, sipping her lemonade as if to say you can’t blame the messenger. 

“...fine. I guess.” Yongsun surrenders. “But that doesn’t change the fact that she’s an inconsiderate ass and should apologize to me.” 

Wheein folds her arms, challenging her. “Well, then you have to apologize to her for being a bossy and overbearing girlfriend who commands not advises.” 

“Jung Wheein!” 

“Kim Yongsun.” 

The stare contest between the two end when Yongsun huffs and leans back. “Why am I even friends with you if you're not going to defend me blindly?” She says, sarcasm dripping from her voice. “Fine, I’ll apologize after I cool down a bit and if she apologizes too.” 

“Maybe you should tell her these things, not us.” 

“Why are we friends?” 

“For the laughs.” 

 

**

 

Byulyi flops down to the table in their usual pojangmacha*, Jin’s and Heeyeon’s worried looks washing all over her. 

“Is Junghwan back in Korea yet?” She asks as she tries to hide her face in the menu. 

“He landed last night, he said he might stop by if he manages to wake up.” Says Heeyeon nibbling on her chicken in the meantime. “So now, spill your troubles away.” 

Byulyi orders herself a beer and downs it in one go. “I said something bad to Yongsun and now I look like an asshole even though I’m totally the right one.” 

“Wow, self-absorbed much?” Says Jin, eyeing her empty beer can with disgust on his face. “Tell us what happened and we’ll be the judge of that.” 

Just as Byulyi is about to start rambling about how right she is, two hands cover her eyes and yank her head backwards. “Yo, asshat, guess who?” 

Byulyi shrugs him off and punches his arm. “You’re late, you… asshat.” 

Junghwan laughs as he sits down next to her and orders both of them another round of beer with a hand gesture. 

“Little birds tell me that I’ve missed on a lot, even though we all have internet connections all over the globe. Guess who wants to die in the hands of her friends?” He says as he sips his beer, making side eyes at Byulyi. “Explain yourself, heathen.” 

“Can you like, go back?” Byulyi says as she clinks their cans. “Now you listen too, I’m about to make you all go, ‘You’re so right, Byul, you’re the best girlfriend she could ask for!’”

After all sorts of eye rolling, sighing and judging from her friends, she finishes telling the exactly what happened, in a bit biased way. 

“I mean, she’s kind of right and you did make yourself the asshole.” Jin says raising his eyebrows at her. “I understand that you want to see your sisters but don’t you think your girlfriend has the right to worry about your emotional well-being? Your mother isn’t the nicest lady around, y’know?” 

“Uhm, excuse me. You were supposed to say ‘You’re so right, Byul, you’re the best girlfriend she could ask for!’.” Byulyi protests, as she sips her beer.

“Aw, come on Byul.” Heeyeon intervenes, “You obviously hurt her by saying that! You know she’s sensitive about that.”

“Yeah, I do but… I didn’t mean it like that…” She tries once again, Heeyeon looks at her with raised eyebrows. 

“Well, did you say ‘I’m sorry.’ after you said it?” Asks Jin, his soju stalling in his hands. 

“I said I didn’t mean it!” 

“But did you apologize for the damage your unintentional words caused?” 

“I...didn’t I guess.” 

Heeyeon sighs, Jin shakes his head and Junghwan judges her silently. 

“FINE! I should have apologized.” Byulyi says, banging her head to the table. “But I’m right about everything else except that.” 

“Well, not that much but sure, if you want to lie to yourself.” Answers Jin, his voice a bit too loud. His drinks are getting to him. 

“About what else am I wrong?” Byulyi says crossing her arms, her head spinning slightly. 

“I don’t think reconciling with your mom is the best idea either.” Jin explains himself.

“Same here.”

“Yeah, I think so too.” 

Byulyi wants to get mad at her friends, she really does but a part of her know that they are right. She is better off never seeing that woman again but why can’t she talk over the voice in her head that screams ‘She’s still your mother!’? 

“I know… It’s just that, I can’t let go. I’m still somehow clinging to her, or the idea of a mother.” Heeyeon walks over to her and engulfs her in a big hug. “I understand. I know it’s hard to just cut your own mother out of your life but it is a battle you must decide the ending of. You can’t just keep hurting yourself.”

The table is silent once again, just the loud, obnoxious talking of others in the tent intrude their safe space. Byulyi doesn’t want to leave this table. She just wants to stay here. 

“Then, what should I do? I still want to see my sisters.”

“Didn’t you say that your father contacted you. Then call and tell him that if your mother comes, you won’t. Problem solved.” Offers Junghwan. “You don’t have to complicate things. Think simple, dumbass. Go apologize to your girlfriend, get some and go patch things up with your family. Done.” 

“Preach.” Jin and Heeyeon say at the same time.

Byulyi can’t seem to find a problem with his solution. “I… I can’t believe I’m saying this but… Junghwan, I think you might be a  _ bit _ smart.”

“Yeah, and also I have a lot of fun, non-depressing stories to share with my friends. So, may I?” He asks overly and sarcastically polite. 

Byulyi gives the go ahead, ready to forget her now solved troubles and focus on the dumb and irresponsible things she knows Junghwan did overseas.  

“So, I’m in Rio, right? It’s night time, my time to shine. This girl, amazing beauty, charming, great legs -Byul-ah, you would love her-, makes eyes at me. Of course I’m intrigued. I go over to her and start talking. We have a few drinks, she keeps touching me and I’m like, damn she is into me. As I’m about to ask her if she wants to head to my place, she leans over and whispers; By the way, can you act like we are going somewhere else? I’m trying to make that guy over there jealous.” 

Jin snorts as he sips his soju once again. 

“And then what happened?” Heeyeon asks, her interest piqued. 

“I was devastated but I wanted to seem cool. I asked her if he was her boyfriend, she said no, he was just a crush of hers. I looked at her target discreecretly, and damn, he was hot too, slim yet fit, long legs, -Jin-ah, you would love him-. And then, one thing led to another and I went home with the guy.” 

Jin raises his eyebrows. “How does anything lead to that ending? Your story is full of plotholes and I’m calling bullshit.” 

“Yeah, there is no way  _ you _ can get that much attention in one night.” Supports Byulyi, sticking her tongue out to Junghwan. “Do you have anything to tell that happened in our reality?”

The night goes on for the table four in the pojangmacha on the sidewalk. Troubles are long forgotten between drinks and laughs. 

 

**

 

Byulyi wakes up drowsily, head slightly aching and mind a little bit empty from everything. She checks her phone -which she had thrown carelessly on the bedside table the previous night-, and sees there are no messages, no calls, nothing. The lack of concern from her girlfriend sends a pang through her heart. They haven’t spoken in 4 days now and Byulyi is no longer curious about who’s going to win this game of stubborness. 

Well, it most certainly won’t be her, anyway.

She lets her feet touch the floor after a moment of stretching and makes her way to the kitchen. She particularly hates mornings on the days that she and Yongsun are fighting because it’s Yongsun’s shampoo she first notices a glimpse of when she rolls over in the bed towards her pillow,  it’s Yongsun’s favorite brand of cereal she sees when she prepares breakfast, it’s Yongsun’s toothbrush that knocks over her own when she puts it back after using it, it’s Yongsun’s clothes that greet her when she mistakenly opens the wrong drawer to get dressed. It’s all Yongsun, Yongsun, Yongsun.

She sighs with frustration before walking back, taking her phone to her hand.

 

**To: Yongdonnie <3**

>hey

It’s awfully anticlimactic, yet she feels like Yongsun will understand what she’s meaning to tell. A nervous feeling settles in her stomach, she shakes her head and locks her phone, settling on making breakfast instead.

She’s in the midst of cracking eggs in the heated pan when she sighs loudly, surprising even herself. She can’t get a certain girl out of her head. Defeatedly, she turns the stove down and bolts towards her bedroom to get dressed. Yet she’s interrupted by the sharp sound of the doorbell. Grumbling under her breath, she approaches to the door, ready to send away the person who dared to cut her moment of epiphany short. She opens the door, and then immediately proceeds to gape at the sight before her.

“Yongsun unnie?” She speaks in a small voice like she’s suspecting that she’s dreaming. “What are you- Hi.”

A shy smile blooms onto Yongsun’s lips, her low chuckle feeling like a light breeze. “Hi. Can I come in?”

Byulyi shakes her head, slowly getting out of the effect of Yongsun’s bewitching gaze. She moves away from the threshold, gesturing to inside. “Of course.”

Maybe she’s still in a daze because of the incredible pride from knowing Yongsun is the first one to come to her for a change since she doesn’t hear what Yongsun had said at first.

“Byul?” Her girlfriend tries again, “I asked if you’ve eaten breakfast.”

“Oh, sorry. I haven’t.” 

Yongsun prompts to head to the kitchen after that, leaving Byulyi with no choice but to follow with a questioning stare. The older of the two frowns when she sees the uncooked eggs on the stove.

“So,” Byulyi says to get her attention, “What have you been up to?”

“Nothing much.” Yongsun answers absentmindedly, “I, uh, missed you.”

Byulyi’s cheeks heat up like the stove Yongsun is turning on to cook for her girlfriend. 

“I missed you too, that’s why I texted you.” Byulyi says as she hugs her as she steers the sizzling eggs. “I was upset that you didn’t answer but this is a million times better.”

Yongsun turns her head to kiss Byulyi’s cheek. “It felt wrong to just text. I had to see you.” She releases herself from Byulyi’s grip and puts Byulyi’s breakfast on her plate. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have bossed you around. If you want to see your family, that is your decision, and if anything bad happens, I’m always here for you.” 

Byulyi feels her cheek strain with a long-awaited smile and just hugs Yongsun tightly. “I’m sorry too. I can be a real jerk sometimes, saying things that I know would hurt. But I really didn’t mean it like that, I would never mean it like that. But I’m sorry that I’ve hurt you. That is the last thing I want.” 

Byulyi hears Yongsun sniffle on her shoulder, her voice a bit teary. “I know you didn’t but it still hurts.” 

Byulyi feels like sewing her mouth shut for hurting Yongsun like this. “I know… and I’m so sorry, Yong. I love you so much that I just can’t believe I hurt you like this.” 

A few minutes pass and Yongsun’s hiccups pass, she pulls back to cup Byulyi’s face in her hands. “I forgive you, Byul-ah and I will be there for you regardless of your decision.” 

The kiss they share is a sweet one, like a first kiss between high school sweethearts. Byulyi finally feels like breathing. 

“God, these past days have been depressing without you.” Byulyi says, kissing her girlfriend again and again. 

Their impromptu make-out session only comes to an end when Yongsun’s phone rings. 

“Can you ignore it?” Byulyi says, trying to lure her back into their kisses. 

“It’s Joohyun.”

“Why is she calling at this hour?” Byulyi whines as Yongsun gives her a stern look of ‘don’t dare to be jealous, she’s just a work friend’. Byulyi frowns. 

“Good morning, Hyun-ah. What’s up?.... Oh! I’m sorry that I didn’t text you, Byulyi’s dropping me to work… I know, I’m sorry… I’ll make it up to you, how does a macchiato sound?.... Alright then, see you later…. Bye.” 

Byulyi raises her eyebrows in question. “I’ve been carpooling with her since we weren’t talking.”

“Oh.” Byulyi says, she is stopping herself from saying something that would make Yongsun very mad. “That’s… friendship.” 

“You did good.” Laughs Yongsun and kisses Byulyi’s forehead. “Eat and let’s go to work.” 

“Yes, dear.” Byulyi answers semi-sarcastically. 

She missed this semi domesticality. 

 

**

 

They are eating chinese take-out when Byulyi realizes that she didn’t mention her plan to her beloved. 

“I’m not going to meet with my mom. Just my dad and my sisters.” She says as the reality show they were watching puts on a loud laughing track. 

“Really?” Yongsun says with a huge smile. “That’s such a relief! I mean, I was worried that your mom would hurt you and then come after me, y’know?” 

Byulyi wants to laugh but she still feels bitter over her ending relationship with her mother. “Yeah, I called my dad and told him, if he wanted to reunite with me, he had to leave my mother out of it and surprisingly, he agreed immediately.” 

“That’s so good to hear. I know how much you miss your sisters.” Yongsun says, cuddling Byulyi intensely.

“Oh, and he wants you to come too. He said he’s ready to turn a new page and ‘widen his horizons’. He sounded like he was reciting a brochure for LGBT+ rights but it’s the thought that counts.” Byulyi says shrugging. 

Yongsun laughs, her whole body shaking mildly and then she turns to face Byulyi. “I would love to join you and meet your family.” She says, pecking her lips. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 


End file.
